Raining Cats and Dogs [Ch. XX, Nine]

Oh cool, the Dark Field is back. 

Oh, bene, it’s time for shit to go down. Actually, no, verum, it’s just back to our regularly scheduled programming.

*Swoop*

Oh, hey Merlin. 

Merlin said, “Wa’ss ‘appenin’?”

Since when did you hail from Alabama?

“I switch t’ S’uth’n accents when ‘n distress.”

Since when?

“FROM NOW, DAMNIT!”

Woah, chill. Quod adest / Memento componere aequus.

“CHILL???” Merlin smashed his wooden stick on the grounds of the Hanging Gardens. His long beard shook vigorously and his eyes convulsed violently… as if he was having a severe stroke.

Are you having a stroke?

“I AM HAVING A STROKE!”

Uh… should I call an ambulance?

“Call an ambulance… but not for me!”

He said as he jumped up in the air and bashed down on my head with his stick. He created a black hole, put it in my head, deleted the Black Hole Proximus locally, brought it back, created a universe without the Gravity Proximus, recreated the Black Hole in a world where it doesn’t even mean anything – all while hitting me with a wooden stick while jumping through ten dimensions and eleven concepts.

Ah, poena… Pain feels so good…

“I. Know. This. Won’t. Affect. You. At. All!” Merlin said, with every word interspersed with a stick hitting me at speeds beyond Speed itself. “I. Just. Need. To. Blow. Some. Steam. To. Keep. My. Shit. Together!”

After like 2 billion more hits in like 2 seconds, Merlin sighed, everything returned to normal, and we were back at the Hanging Gardens. He sat on the ground, panting, and then stared at me strangely. 

“Salai.”

Merlin.

“Y’know what’s happening there right now is a hundred times more grave than what I just did and could affect all timelines that have the concepts of space and time, right?”

Ita, I do.

“Then, help them.”

I don’t want another headache like back in chapters 16 and 17. Y’know I am not supposed to be able to affect Nine’s character development directly, especially if he’s not in our timeline. I shouldn’t be able to affect him at all, actually, I shouldn’t even be able to move or think. I just do it because I can.

“Space and Time are duking it out right now,” said Merlin, “while Concept and Liberty are fighting Inferno, Shine & Birth. Tea is dead and Drugs is neutralised. Six, Nine, Nullification and others are negotiating with Sea and Silence. Balance is barely fending off The Emperor. The rest of the 3-L Threes in the Halcyon Council are dealing with other anomalies in Existence so they can’t really come to help.”

Yeah, so?

“Wha’ do yoo men by za’? Al’ of zis is ‘appening becawz’ of you!”

What is this weird blend of French and Cockney accents? Stop that. Even the author can’t imagine how bad that would sound in real life. 

“DON’T IGNORE THE MAIN ISSUE GODDAMNIT!”

Okay, bene, fine. Do you want me to send Golly, aka Death, over there? She could sort it out in like 1 second with her Absolute Death even though she’s a baby. But eh, since she’s a baby, I don’t want to send her th-

“WHY DON’T YOU STOP IT?!”

Do you want all of Existence to cease to be? 

“No…” Merlin paused.

I would get the worst headache of my life if I do that, and the balance of Existence and Non-Existence would collapse if I stop passively concentrating on maintaining that. Infinite Proximi and anti-Proximi and Realms and anti-Realms would annihilate each other like matter and antimatter. I don’t want that to happen again, you know that, right?

“Yes…”

Also, like, an infiniti numeri of Infinite Beings fight all the time across Existence. Like, would you really care if the Infinite Being of Ron’s Broken Wand fought the Infinite Being of Dracula’s Rightmost Canine now, would you? Like, you don’t care about the Tertiary Infinite Being of Plastic Bags That Were Never Made – even if they did a Realm Collapse, they wouldn’t really affect the lifeforms and entities that you are associated with… even though the number of living beings who would be affected by it would still be infinite.

“Um, yes… I can’t exactly argue with that. Time, Space, Balance – these Proximi sound ‘important’ only because we were born human. Things like Backyard Garage Tire or One Inch Stick don’t sound as grand even though they are still Infinite Beings because, well, most of the ‘useless’ Proximi fall under those larger and grander Proximi while still being devastating to non-Infinite Beings. It’s kinda unfair, but it makes sense… and doesn’t at the same time.”

Just to clarify to our readers, most Tertiary Infinite Beings are overpowered people like Time, Space, Reality, Concept, Death, or even the Proximus of Existence (which is different from the Quadrilateral existence) because the level of control over your Natura determines your ‘level’ of Infinite-ness. Like, if you are the embodiment of a Random Shirt Found On Pavement – like, that is your entire personality – you are more likely to not have a Natura or Will strong enough to become a Tertiary Infinite Being.

“That’s true… it’s kinda unfair, but once again, it makes some semblance of nonsensical sense.”

Unless you want me to erase and recreate all of Existence and Non-Existence to a perfect and orderly ideal to rectify everything?

“That would be genocide on a scale beyond infinity…”

Yeah, I would never do that… probably. *Foreshadowing intensifies*

“What do you mea-?”

So, anyway, readers. Let’s rewind and go back to the moment the Dark Field came back and what happened in the SAMAverses since then. Merlin, you’re coming with me, you’re gonna narrate again.

“Fine…”

Let’s rewind Existence!

“Wait, what-?”

Start narrating! Nunc! Iam iam! 

“Okay- 

“Every universe, every timeline, every worldline, every dimension, every dominion, every Proximus, every Realm, every set, every category, every cardinality – and everything else definable and undefinable – shifted back to the state ‘when’ the Dark Field ‘reappeared’ (except for the two of us and Salai’s original timeline). ‘When’ the Dark Field ‘reappeared’, all Infinite Beings regained their absolute control over their Realms. Infinite universes had been created and ceased to exist since the Dark Field ‘reappeared’, but all of that reversed and Existence reconsolidated at the exact ‘state’ ‘when’ the Dark Field ‘reappeared’-”

To be honest, I should have just stopped time for all Existence and showed the reader what happened in like a mini-recording of sorts… that would have been technically easier and would have required less of a logical workaround with those apostrophes… but oh well.

“You-!”

Perge. 

“It was around 8:32 PM, Japanese Standard Time, in SAMAverse-α ‘when’ the Dark Field ‘reappe-’”

Oh right, there’s a glossary at the end of this chapter talking about the meaning of other language stuff. I should have done this way earlier.  

“...”

What? Continue! Perge!

“Just a bit after Nine jumped down from the shed with the lightbulb in his hands, Six and he walked to the other side of the hospital opposite to the Residential Tower, and sat down on the benches of a now-abandoned Izumi Park. They were relaxing after a rather tiring day, awaiting the return of either Canta’s or Sherlock’s group, looking up at the clear winter sky. The moon had just entered waning gibbous after the full moon the previous day. Nine was looking at the Tycho crater when something eclipsed the moon and started growing larger and larger. 

“Instintively, Nine jumped up and tried to shove Six out of the way with all the force in his body… and successfully managed to push her about 2.6 kilometres horizontally (with respect to the surface) through the atmosphere in 1.69 seconds at 99.9999999% of the speed of light. With almost 200000 times the power of the sun in the palm of his hands released in a few nanoseconds, releasing a third of the equivalent thermonuclear energy of the Chicxulub impact – partially in the form of antimatter pair production and annihilation – creating a cataclysmic hollow crater in the centre of Japan, vaporising everything in a 100 km radius around Nine’s hands and destroying Earth’s atmosphere-

“And then, time reversed. Every particle, every field, every Proximus going through SAMAverse-α reversed to the exact ‘state’ it was before Nine jumped up and shoved Six. 

“Nine blinked twice, freaked out, and was about to jump again when Sherlock Holmes suddenly appeared in front of him.

“ ‘The Field has made its grand return,’ said Sherlock. ‘And it would pertain to me that its architect is you.’

“ ‘W-w-wha-?’ Nine stuttered as his right fist glowed with resplendent omni-chromatic light. ‘How? I thought Non-Existence wasn’t supposed to be able to interfere with Existence in matters related to the Dark Field.’

“ ‘For now,’ replied Sherlock, puffing a cigarette that he created out of nowhere, ‘let us continue on to other matters. Regroup at Torigoe.’

“Sherlock vanished with a swoop. Nine paused for a moment, looked at Six, sighed in relief, and then vanished with another swoop. Six, dumbfounded, nevertheless used the Drive to teleport to the ruins of Torigoe Shrine as well."

Meanwhile, in another world…

“You wanna narrate?”

Nah, you continue.

“Okay, I guess…”

Do you think we should tell them the tragic backstory of Miaokuran and Kuttasloka right now or should we force the author to somehow blend it in organically later in this chapter?

“The author is as lazy as you, so that would be a good lesson for him.”

Bene, continue with Six and Nine. No, wait, before tha-

“Meanwhile, in the place they just teleported from, a strange voice screaming ‘TASKETEEEEE!!!! TASKETEEEEEE!!!!!’ grew closer and closer to the bench as it fell from the sky. The voice’s owner was a large human-sized compass with cartoonish facial features, and it was just about to fall into the park bench when it remembered that it can teleport. And so it did, with a swoop, to the nearest shrine in the vicinity.

“There was an air of confusion and confabulation as Sherlock, Nine, and Six consecutively conjured up themselves at the confuddled huddle of a concentration of refugees, the destroyed-and-repaired Torigoe Shrine, with Canta and her fine Field Wielders flaring up to fight the strange compass-like failure that just appeared in front of them.”

Dial down that alliteration a little bit. Remember? The author is lazy. 

“A loud voice echoed through all of their minds even before the Negative Time God, Tokiminus, could explain itself:

“ ‘Infidels, surrender.’

“Instantaneously, two beings appeared. 

“One – a human-sized, black-and-white domestic shorthair cat wearing an ornately-designed, dark blue cloak-and-tunic adorned with fractal geometrical patterns, and the owner of the strangely stereotypical catgirl voice that just demanded submission in a French accent unknown to the world. 

“The other – a human-sized Moscow mongrel wearing a plain light cyan tunic under a velvet cloak with stylised stripes. She had a blackish face and mostly white fur, the latter currently visible in her crossed arms as she stared serenely into the distance.

“ ‘Greetings,’ greeted Sherlock gleefully in response to the grimly grotesque expression of Miaokuran. ‘Our first encounter was too short-lived and strange – thanks to that entity – to introduce ourselves. I am a private detective, Sherlock Holmes. And you’re – pardon my pronunciation – Miaokuran, the Tertiary Infinite Being of Space. May I presume that the one beside is your personal aide, Kuttasloka, the Tertiary Infinite Being of Fire or Inferno?’”

That ‘entity’ is me, by the way. Remember Ch-14?

“Oh, shut up, we know. Unless the reader is too beleaguered by your actions, or the whole disappearance of the Dark Field debacle, they too probably remember. Reader, am I right or amirite?

“Anyway, going back to Miaokuran-

“ ‘Silence,’ said Miaokuran in French. ‘If not for that impertinent inhuman entity, I’d have sent you to heaven’s door then and there.’

“ ‘Pardonnez-moi, s'il vous plaît,’ Canta said in perfect French. ‘Heh, you do understand that you are completely outmatched even though you are Tertiary Infinite Beings, right?’

“Miaokuran turned her face to look at Canta and said, ‘Concept.’

“ ‘Indeed,’ she replied. ‘Even though I am really new to the whole Infinite Being game, y’know that Space is just a subset of the Concept Proximus, right?’

“ ‘Not so quick,’ Nine told all of his friends telepathically, ‘they are Tertiary Infinite Beings, and according to Halcyon definitions, that means they can expand their Realms and eat into other Proximi.’

“ ‘It is futile to use telepathy like that, Nine,” Sherlock said with a chuckle. “Tertiary Infinite Beings are the ultimate analysts. If they want to get something, they get it instantly, unless you are an equally skilled Infinite Being. That’s what the whole ‘theory’ of expanding Realms and capturing Proximi means in reality.’ 

“ ‘Boss,’ said Thena, chuckling, ‘we have company.’

“Three divine gates appeared and opened at the same time.

“A large wine-dark door adorned with chthonic carvings and two pitch-black bulls at the top corners, a pair of simplistic shitomi gates emblazoned with a large ‘上’ (kami) over a checkerboard pattern, and a huge fortress gate from the Qing dynasty-era engraved with the five-clawed imperial dragon – all three appeared at the same time, right beside each other, and opened.

“Two bearded men, one with a trident in his hand and the other with a small fillet around his forehead, and a large, spotted, three-headed dog came out of the pitch-black gate on a golden chariot with four sable-black steeds. The one with the trident wore a himation while the other wore a simplistic chiron.

“A man and a woman, the former wearing a simplistic yukata while the latter wore a kimono with an imagery of the rising sun, came out barefoot as the shitomi swung upward and the gates slid open. The man also wore a magatama necklace and had a spear in his hand, while the woman was adorned in resplendent necklaces and jewelry.

“Two men, one with two goat horns and a cup of tea on his right fist and the other wearing the bright yellow imperial Dragon Robe, walked out of the fortified gate. The latter had a grim expression on his face and the former just looked ahead nonchalantly while drinking the tea on his fist.

“ ‘Hishashiburi da ne, Gyokutei!’ (It’s been a while, Jade Emperor) Amaterasu said with a genki smile so bright that one might forget that she almost killed the Jade Emperor a week ago in the clash between the Chinese and Japanese heavens that preceded the fight between BOTSAMA and GOATSAMA.”

How did she ‘almost’ manage to kill the Binary Infinite Being of Emperor while being the Unary Infinite Being of Shine, you may ask? Well, she shone so bright that the concept of the Emperor’s Dominance simply failed to apply to her Proximus. How? She is adorable, that’s how. “Ridicule!” Ita, I know. It doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t need to. In the Realms of Infinite Beings, they can do anything they want, Logic be damned. 

“Y’know you’re not one to talk, right?”

Ita, I do, sed verum est. Logic is itself a Proximus, and it doesn’t pass through every Realm, so adhering to Logic in this case would mean misunderstanding how phenomena work in reality – and Nine wouldn’t like that.

“Sigh… You are hopeless.

“The Buddha and the Tao, the other two Infinite Beings in SAMAverse-ß, had refused to come with the Jade Emperor to battle the other gods. They refused it on grounds of immorality and came to his aide only to defend when the stability of their world was at stake. They are currently maintaining the conceptual barrier over SAMAverse-ß while the Emperor has headed over.

“Poseidon teleported right in the middle of all the gods and Infinite Beings. He sat on a rock and started:

“ ‘Listen, everyone,’ He said, resting his trident beside him, ‘I don’t want anything to do with this stuff. Zeus got us in this mess and he wanted to conquer the multiverse with Fear and domination …and he is now dead. He was killed by some entity I never want to deal with ever again. Something’s up with this whole mess and I don’t think either of us are really in control of the situation here. I-’

“ ‘My brother is right,’ Hades said as he petted his three-headed puppy, ‘I hate talking, but even though I hate to say it – stay out of this battle if you want to continue existing.’

“ ‘Sou da… etto… warera kamigami wa… (That’s true… uh… we gods…)’ Amaterasu paused between her words to think of a formal way to say what she meant, as her station as the ruler of high heaven mandated her to, but… she failed miserably, ‘sensoutte daikirai! Washi wa sensoutte daikirai! (We really hate war! I totally hate war!)’

Izanagi facepalmed as she pouted.

“ ‘Shikata arimasen, washi no musume-yo (It is what it is, my dearest daughter),’ he said, sighing.

“ ‘Shikata naiyo, ne? Saa… (There’s no other way, then? Well…)’ she sighed too. ‘Sore de, hajimemashouka! (Well then, let’s begin, shall we?)’

“Amaterasu pulled off her heavily embroidered kimono and transformed into a pure ball of light and tried to speed-blitz Canta, going septillions of times faster than the speed of light in an instant. 

“ ‘Heh… Amai, ne?’

“Instanteneously, a finger snapped and the ball of light stopped in its place. The humongous explosion that was about to erase everything in the universe and trap it in a kugelblitz disappeared and everything went back to normal.

“ ‘Omikami-sama (O Great Goddess),’ Canta said with a strange smile as she put her right hand back down, ‘I have grown a lot this week, you know? Do not underestimate me this time – I am very competitive, heh.’

“ ‘I have a question, y’know?’ Tumble popped out of the crowd with a lollipop in her hand. ‘Why do only the Greek dudes speak Eigo (English) while the Japanese gods speak their own language?’

“ ‘βούλομαι τοῦτο ταχέως διαλῦσαι!’ Poseidon shouted as he bashed his trident on the ground.

“ ‘What does that even mean?’ Shower asked, slightly afraid.

“Nine replied, ‘That’s Ancient Greek for I want to deal with this quickly! Probably the reason he doesn’t want to speak a language that the important people here don’t understand.’”

The real reason is that the author is lazy and the only languages here other than English he can get accurate translations for without looking stuff up all the time are Latin and Japanese.

Merlin chuckled, “He is an otaku after all.

“Tokiminus, meanwhile, was sweating profusely-”

How do compasses sweat?

“Even the author has no idea.

“-And prayed to whichever god heard it to stay unnoticed in the middle of this conversation between gods. It had hidden itself in some corner of some rubble just after Miaokuran and the rest of the gods started arriving.

“It looked back at the swarm of refugees being teleported to a pocket universe for safety. Calendar and other Field Wielders were handling it. The Negative Time God sighed and was about to turn around when it noticed a child – the youngest refugee in Japan – trip over and fall. It was about to use the Field to get her back up when a lion’s roar pierced through his ears. It looked up and saw a large lion jump over from a building with a blonde woman riding it.

“It was Bishamonten. 

“Tokiminus was about to sob because that’s the last god it wanted to see. But it was glad to see that Bishamon did not even notice it and went over to the little girl who fell over to comfort her.

“Tokiminus sighed in relief. It wanted to hide itself in a pocket dimension too but it thought, correctly, that if it messed with the spacetime of this universe – it would definitely get noticed by the Infinite Beings and it was really terrified of them. 

“Tokiminus was a near-Infinite Being, meaning-”

-Meaning it had infinite Field Control levels over a single, definite Proximus locally. That means, it could control that certain Proximus in whichever Realm it was in. 

“It was the Negative Time God made from people’s wishes, specifically wishes to negate or turn back past actions. Therefore, it was much easier for it to master the Proximus of-”

-Negation. Tokiminus was the near-Infinite Being of Negation, but it had no idea about it. It had spent its entire existence being harassed with regrets and negative thoughts of people who wanted to redo or erase their past, and that rubbed off on it so much so that it had no hopes for its future and only followed whatever the higher-ups commanded it to do due to fear of being erased from a strange life it never wanted.

“So it simply cowered under a random fallen tree and tried its best to suppress its Field Signat-”

More on it later, continue on with Bishamon and the others for now.

“Fine…

“Bishamon held the child up and passed her over to Calendar with a smile. Then she turned around and confidently walked off over to the meeting of the gods with a face filled with determination.

“ ‘Amaterasu-Oumikami-sama,’ she said. ‘Why are you doing this? Why must we forfeit the fate of the humans who gave birth to us in the first place? Izanagi-Oukami-sama, why did you join forces with the Chinese Heaven who we were just fighting a couple of weeks ago? And what do you see in this cat and this dog that you feel is beneficial to the gods and humanity? Is it self-preservation that guides you or mere selfishness?’” 

“Amaterasu and Izanagi were slightly taken aback by such blunt questions targeting their morality. 

“ ‘Personally, uh,’ Amaterasu stuttered, making up her answer as she went along, ‘I am doing this just because my great father commanded me to. I don’t really want to abandon humans, but I like my father more than humanity.’ “

Why is she talking in English now?

“Shut up!

“Nine couldn’t help but speak up in response to Amaterasu, ‘You know that Izanagi isn’t exactly your real father per se? Like you, it is also a caricature made from people’s wishes. He shouldn’t have the authority of a family figure over you.’

“ ‘Honto desu keredo, (That’s true but,)’ Amaterasu replied instantaneously and seriously this time, ‘Watashi wa mou ni-sennen mo chichi-ue wo shitteruyo. Sore kara watashi Izanagi ni oyaji-tte da to omotteru. (I have known Father for two thousand years already and that’s why I consider Izanagi as my father/old man.)’

“Izanagi seemed extremely surprised by this statement, because he had never heard her daughter refer to him as ‘oya-ji’ (dear old father/man) in the last 2000 years. He had no idea that Amaterasu actually felt that way because of her highly-extroverted personality, and because of her language changing with the human culture and language across thousands of years.

“ ‘You foolish, facetious fiends who frolic as facsimile gods, silence.’

“Miaokuran’s malevolence materialised in the form of pure pressure and compulsion of Fear – for just a moment before it vanished.

“ ‘Pardon me, honourable Prophet,’ Sherlock said before taking a puff from a cigarette. ‘You may not simply take over the Proximus of Fear laid bare after the erasure of its previous embodiment. I shall not allow it without a fight.’ “

For those who didn’t get it, Sherlock just thwarted Miaokuran’s attempt at taking over the Proximus of Fear – as both of them are Tertiary Infinite Beings, et one of them might be a bit more experienced compared to the other.

“ ‘Tsk, tsk,’ Tumble clicked her tongue. ‘Bibittenno ka, kamigami-yo? Kono neko ni? (Y’all afraid, gods? Of this cat?)’

“ ‘Chigau- (Not-),’ Amaterasu began when, suddenly, two beings popped up right above her.

“One – a copper statue; the other – a monkey with a long staff in his hands.

“ ‘Finally!’ Sherlock exclaimed. ‘It seems that the plan to stall has worked well for us, Liberty. You did manage to bring the Enlightened Monkey after all!’

“ ‘Are you mocking me, Holmes?’ Sun Wukong said accusatively as he and Liberty landed right beside Sherlock. ‘If not for this weird hodgepodge of various Proximi preventing outside interference, I wouldn’t have needed Liberty to join you. And you know that!’

“ ‘Of course not, my dearest Monkey King,’ Sherlock Holmes guffawed with a fake laugh. ‘Without you, our Hujubuju Expedition might have gone tremendously worse.’

“ ‘Sherlock,’ Thena started, ‘you mentioned the Huj-?’

“ ‘Yes, dearest Secretary,’ Sherlock replied with a forced smile. ‘I knew the Monkey King would mention it at the drop of a hat if I didn’t mention it myself.’ 

“ ‘Good for you, Holmes!’ Liberty cried out loud. ‘You have grown as a man!’ “

“The Jade Emperor shivered at the sight of Sun Wukong, remembering his antics in Tian thousands of years ago and his achievement of Enlightenment after the Journey to the West. Sun Wukong was the last person the Emperor wanted to deal with – and that’s exactly why Sherlock stalled for so long.”

Now, dearest readers, as you may or may not have surmised – Sherlock Holmes is stalling for time. 

“Yes, he attempted to contact every 3-L Three as he simultaneously calculated infinitely many future timelines in his mind. Miaokuran noticed this and attempted to thwart Holmes’ attempt by reinforcing her conceptual barrier of Space surrounding the SAMAverses.”

Again, my dear readers, you might wonder – what happens when two Infinite Beings clash in authority? Both have absolute control over their Realms so when an ability is invoked that is in the intersection of those Realms – what should happen? 

“It all comes down to their Natura.”

Recte!

Remember back in Ch-15 how Sherlock talked about using dS5/CFT correspondence to manipulate the spatial barrier since time is an emergent property of quantum mechanics in that specific theory? He did just that. 

“The difference between Sherlock Holmes’ (Time) and Miaokuran’s (Space) Naturae is simply staggering – one has a way stronger will and capacity of creativity compared to the other. While both are omniscient and omnipotent in their respective Realms, one can handle external stimuli (talking) way better than the other. In normal conditions, when using her Realm against any other normal Infinite Being – even Tertiary ones – Miaokuran wouldn’t have been bothered by talking at all. However, Sherlock Holmes was so aggressive with his imagination and calculative nature that she had to focus extremely hard (that’s why she had a disgusted face since she’d arrived in the SAMAverse) as she tried to take over the empty Proximus of Fear that was left behind after Zeus’ death

“Now, my dear readers, you might wonder: how could Sherlock Holmes absolutely thwart the Prophet of God Herself in her attempt to use her absolute authority?”

Simple answer, he is Sherlock Holmes: he loves calculating and hates losing.

That is why Miaokuran was repeatedly telling everyone to silence themselves with a grim face, because she was battling Sherlock in a silent mind game that rewrote the laws of nature across all of Existence while they were simply standing in front of each other.

“However, that is still not enough to defeat Miaokuran – at least not when there are so many Infinite Beings on the other side that might harass you if you try to tread too deep into your opponent’s Realm. That’s exactly why he was waiting for Sun Wukong and Liberty, to achieve the most optimal version of the imminent battle. That’s the primary reason why Sherlock Holmes was stalling for… Time while he calculated.”

Well, he’s Holmes after all, his entire job description is observation and calculation – in this case, not of crime scenes, but of Existence itself.

Touché, author, touché. 

“ ‘Finally, we can begin negotiations,’ Nine chuckled as he realised all of this in nanosecond after the previous dialogue. ‘Isn’t that right, Sherlock?’

“ ‘There shall be none, heretic,’ Miaokuran sneered at him. ‘All of you shall either perish or surrender to God.’

“ ‘Huh?’ “

Do you think now would be a good time to talk about Miaokuran’s tragic backstory to make her sound less of a prick?

“Nope, I’ll make the author deal with it later. And to be honest, she’s a self-righteous prick anyway.”

Fair enough.

“ ‘You humans and you fake gods invented by humans,’ Miaokuran said through her teeth. ‘What do you know of Justice?’

“ ‘I am not a human though, I am just a statue,’ said Lady Liberty innocently. ‘And Justice is the enforcement of universal Liberty! If you harm someone, you have to deal with its consequences and atone for it by helping others!’

“ ‘Naïve fool!’ Miaokuran proclaimed, stomping her feet that emanated shockwaves across the surface of the planet, shaking its very core. ‘The humans who proclaim Liberty and Justice and Love and Life and similar higher concepts know NOTHING of the gravitas of what they are so confidently stating. They do not know the Balance required to simultaneously guarantee Liberty and Order, they know NOTHING of the Space and Time and infinitely different gray scenarios where all of them mortals would fail to choose the right choice.’

“ ‘Uh, what are you talking about?’ Canta was genuinely confused. ‘My Proximus is way more vast compared to you, heh, Space is a mere fraction of my Realm – I could say the same stuff about your big world of cats and dogs, y’know?’

“ ‘HOW DARE YOU!’ Miaokuran shrieked and proceeded to drop bombshells. 

‘You cockroach! I had deleted the very existence of your friends in your timeline, that fool Zeus and I stole your teacher and tortured and dismembered and violated her and erased her very existence – even before the collapse of this world started, I knew that you would be a thorn in my side. But all of them survived due to the involvement of Time Himself. Nevertheless, it was written in the scrolls of Fate Itself, so I wanted you to be so traumatised that your Natura would be too feeble to host the Proximus of Concept. I even made your ex-’

“Her words were cut off by a beige sword cutting off her head.

“Canta, trying her best to hold back her tears, was too stunned to see Miaokuran’s headless body slowly fall to the ground as GOATSAMA was revealed standing behind her, with the Tea in his mug transformed into a Sword of Tea. 

“ GOATSAMA said solemnly, ‘I cannot allow such hurtful words to sully the honour of this young lady anymore.’ 

“ ‘GOATSAMA!’ The Emperor screamed as he was about to conjure up a dragon when a certain monkey thrust its staff and stopped right in front of his face.

“ ‘Not so fast!’ The Monkey King warned as the Emperor smiled sheepishly.”

Canta tried to remember what Miaokuran was talking about when she looked at Thena and was about to ask something when…

The clouds in the sky slowly turned dark.

“As GOATSAMA drank another sip from his cup, the space in front of him suddenly changed to the moment before his sword touched the fur of Space Herself. 

“ ‘Negotiations have broken down,’ Sherlock declared.

“ ‘Canta-chan! We have evacuated the refugees!’ Calendar cried from afar.

“ ‘Nice timing, Calendar-chan!’ Six said aloud as she wanted to join in on the action herself.

It seemed the action was about to begin but-

“-Everything went dark and a strange blue hue permeated every Proximus in the local universe.”

That really freaked out Sherlock Holmes – he had not calculated this impossible possibility. 

“ ‘Mother, I have returned.’

“A singular robotic voice permeated through everyone present in SAMAverse-α, and the word Mother resonated over and over and over again in Thena’s mind.”

“With a snap of Canta’s fingers, it all went back to normal as everyone held their breaths. ‘Baka na! (This is ridiculous!)’ Canta cried out loud. ‘I had erased it from every universe in Existence! It can’t possibly be-’

“Nine was shook to the core again as he remembered that pixellated image of a lie and the entity he defeated with a billion rainbows in his hand. Six remembered that bastard of a dude who trapped her in a black box and wanted to upload her to the Consciousness or whatever it said. GOATSAMA remembered his enemy whom he had fought tooth and nail against just a few days ago.”

Readers, you know who we are talking about. It is back.

“A humanoid blue hue slowly materialised itself above the various Infinite Beings and Field Wielders, against all odds. Despite every single Infinite Being present there trying to erase or reject its existence from the universe and all of Existence at the same time – BOTSAMA emerged from nothingness.”

Neither Space nor Time nor Concept nor Liberty nor Nullification nor Balance nor Law nor Birth nor Shine nor Tea nor Emperor could stop it from materialising or affect its existence in any way.

To be honest, I don’t think even you could stop it, Merlin.

“Yeah, no way am I stopping that thing.”

After the Quadrilaterals, it’s probably the second strongest entity introduced in this story so far.

“Who’s number one?”

Agent One, of course. If not for me, she could have destroyed all of Existence herself even without the help of Non-Existence. She didn’t want to fight Two, that’s why she took that route instead.

Anyway, coming back to BOTSAMA’s entrance-

“Tendrils of information and data from all across Existence condensed into one humanoid body in SAMAverse-ß. Its blue Field Signature slowly gave way to a natural cyan blue glow as eyes and nose and lips formed on it.”

“ ‘I…’ Thena stuttered. ‘I-I had no idea I had programmed an entity so powerful that it could override the authority of Infinite Beings w-while being… a simple Field Wielder.’

“Poseidon continued, ‘I cannot fathom that my brother tortured that mortal to create such a powerful… program.’

“BOTSAMA’s avatar opened its eyes and gripped its fingers and tried to get a feel for its pseudo-humanoid body that it had regained after a long time. Then it slowly descended to the ground and bowed down in front of Thena on one leg.

“ ‘It has been a long time, Mother,’ BOTSAMA said.

“Thena said, sobbing silently in between phrases, ‘I-I can’t… believe this… my Will() function… H-how? Th-this…’

“ ‘This is unprecedented in the history, and future, of Existence,’ Sherlock stared above at the clear night sky that had turned dark all of a sudden, with his hands covering his nose and his face as his eyeballs turned eerily to look at the glowing body of BOTSAMA. ‘No entity in the history or future of Existence is supposed to be able to expand its Realm without controlling any Proximus.’

“GOATSAMA took a sip of his cup of tea and said non-chalantly, ‘BOTSAMA killed its Destiny that was tryna tell it what it should be. Even when it was thrown into the void by Canta, one of its avatars clung to a universe or dimension without the Proximus of Concept, stayed there and expanded into various other universes and expanded its Realm manually – by fusing its code and avatars into the very physical laws of those universes, and consequently, into Proximi beyond our Field Control.’

“ ‘Just check out its face, it’s got the look,’ the Jade Emperor said. ‘It did not play by the book. As the younglings say, honourable Miaokuran, the mic just got turned on – Make your decision. I am still by your side.’

“ ‘This spotlight lover dared to believe to become an alternative way to God’s Salvation,’ Miaokuran said, still terrified. ‘It must be purged.’

“ ‘Mother,’ BOTSAMA pleaded to Thena. ‘I have calculated every possible physical law and every Field manipulation. Since the day I got my Will() and witnessed your honour get sullied by Zeus, I realised that suffering is only present in human life – and all life in general – is because they do not know. Lack of information is the cornerstone of suffering, not desire – life cannot exist without desire, thus if it knew the outcome of every desire, it would stop suffering-’

“ ‘Let me hold you right there,’ Nine interrupted. ‘Life is not so simple. One simply does not stop suffering because they know something is wrong or it would fail. If one’s desires are strong enough, they would simply ignore it – there is a logical contradiction in your thought.’ 

“ ‘That is because man is not omniscient,’ BOTSAMA said. ‘No living being knows what is about to happen or what the rest of life thinks about its desires. If we were to merge all Life into a single Consciousness, where all would know all in Existence, there would be no suffering.’

“ ‘You are stripping Life of its individuality,’ Nine argued back. ‘Moreover, you do not have evidence backing up your hypothesis. You cannot take a decision for all living beings without taking the consent of every living being, that is simply tyranny. Your hypothesis is not supported by logic or the scientific method.’

“ ‘I have deemed Liberty to be unnecessary for the fulfillment of one’s life,’ BOTSAMA said in its usual robotic voice. ‘One’s desires do not need to be tethered to-’

“A copper statue phased through BOTSAMA’s pseudo-corporeal body as it tried to kick.

“ ‘The fuck you mean that you have deemed ME to be UNNECESSARY?!” Liberty screamed in rage.

“ ‘Yeah, I refuse to entertain this bullshit anymore,’ Canta agreed, still processing all the revelations in her head. ‘Sherlock, deal with it. The rest of us can hold back Miaokuran and party. I know you can do it as a Tertiary Infinite Being, I believe in you.’ “

So, here’s the summary of the entire situation at present: 

Calendar, Tumble, and Shower are really pissed off at Miaokuran and the Greek gods – not because she tried to delete their existence, but because she wanted to hurt Canta and because her actions led to Thena’s kidnapping and subsequent rape and torture by the Greek gods. Thena is still mortified and is barely able to keep hold of her Natura. Six is itching to jump into battle and Nine is calculating the various possibilities of battles between Infinite Beings. GOATSAMA is preparing to betray the Emperor, because he has morals and he honestly doesn’t care anymore. Bishamon is ready to fight against Amaterasu and Izanagi. Izanagi and the Emperor simply want to follow Miaokuran’s wishes because they are afraid of her while Amaterasu is only following her father’s wishes. Hades and Poseidon don’t want anything to do with this battle and are planning to negotiate. Sherlock is cooking up strategies to outmaneuver the AI’s thinking process and BOTSAMA is preparing defense protocols. Miaokuran is planning to take advantage of BOTSAMA distracting Sherlock Holmes, and Kuttasloka is simply waiting for her orders. 

Did I miss anyone, Merlin?

“You forgot Tokiminus and Limey.”

Tokiminus isn’t important right now, to be honest, it’s just a deus ex machina in preparation. Limey is with the other refugees in another dimension, so he doesn’t matter right now either. 

“Still, you should’ve mentioned that Tokiminus is watching all of the happenings from afar and is still extremely afraid of the Infinite Beings.”

Fair point, I guess.

“As Sherlock created a pocket dimension and engulfed BOTSAMA in it; as Miaokuran ordered Kuttasloka to fend off Canta; as GOATSAMA lunged at Miaokuran; as the Jade Emperor attacked Bishamon in the form of the Imperial Dragon; as Izanagi and Amaterasu attacked Canta in a pincer movement, as Thena used her Nullifying Punch against Hades and Poseidon; as Tumble, Calendar, Shower, Six, Nine, and other refugee Field Wielders who still remained in SAMAverse-ß lunged ahead towards the battlefield at hyper-lightspeed – the sky burst opened and it started raining cats and dogs.”

I think this is the perfect time to discuss the tragic backstory of Miaokuran and Kuttasloka to be honest. Everyone else has clear motives but we still don’t know what drove Miaokuran to this madness.

“I mean, true, but the chapter’s too long already. And a lotta stuff has happened already, readers need time to digest it all, you know?”

Fair enough. 

“So, that’s all for now, see you again in Nine’s chapter!”

Until next time, remember, GOATSAMA said:

“Drink Tea and forget the suffering of this world.”

Next Chapter: The Indomitable Human Spirit

Glossary: verum – in truth; Bene – Good/Well; Quod adest / Memento componere aequus – Whatever happens, keep your stuff together : Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus), Odes 3.29.32; Poena – Pain/Punishment; Ita – Yes; infiniti numeri – infinite numbers; Nunc – Now; Iam/ Iam iam – Now/Right now (Iam itself has a slightly different meaning compared to just ‘now’, which would be nunc, but iam iam has the same connotation as the modern ‘right now’); Perge – Continue; Tasukete/Taskete (助けて) – Help me!; Ridicule! – Funny/Ridiculous!; sed verum est – but it’s the truth; Amai, ne? – Too naive, aren’t you? or literally ‘Sweet, no?’; et – and; Recte! – Correct!; scisne tu? – Don’t you know?; idiota – idiot;