Hello there! Orabella, with the assistance of my bunnies, here for another review! ^^
Again, I'm so sorry this took me so long. My life has actually been crazy, and for the time being, I won't be able to review very often. It was unfair to you that you had to wait over two months to get another review, and I wish I could have told you sooner or give you a better excuse. I will try my best to get you reviews as soon as I can, although I'm going to stop promising dates and stop apologizing (because neither do any good). Just know that life has been crazy; it's usually not like this; and I miss when I had time to read your story. :( However, when everything settles down, I will be able to review the day of or day after you post something!
Overall, I'm loving the sense of characters and their relationships here; we learn so much! And the comedy woven throughout is priceless; I don't know why but I can't get over the breaking of the fourth wall; it was just so sudden and funny. Anyway, on to the review!
Uh, this is weird, honestly (as weird as that time…) - wow, it named the heading like Google Docs names a doc file - wait a minute, what on Earth - I don’t know - alright, stop, stop, stopppp!
Phew… breathe… breathe, Fury (or Six, whoever you wanna be) - not again! Why is it so hard to get a hold of my thoughts for the Field’s sake?! You know what (who is “you”? You are talking to yourself. [Oh shut up please] No - GAAHHHHHHHHH).
Well, we start off here with a bit of pre-chaos. Seems like Six got her hands on a self-writing diary, although that's not immediately clear with everything that's happening all at once. I like the dialogue back and forth between her and, well, herself. It really shows her character more, and it's such an interesting way to do so. Whoever thought of interacting with oneself would be so interesting and effective? It's also kind of funny how the diary acts a bit differently from Six - which can either say the diary is a bit inaccurate, or it can show her in two different emotional states: frustration and confusion vs control and calm...ness?
Alright, you know what, I gotta ask someone about how they do it - I've got no choice. I didn’t think it would be that hard to control your thoughts, how in the world do they do it? (Maybe they do it out of the world? [Oh shut up honestly!]).
*Step* *Creak* *Slip* What the hell? *Step* *Step* STOP! *Step* STOP!! *Step* *Creak* *Step* STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPP!!!
There’s Two! Ni-kun! Help me! (You sound so cringe, you know. [SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE FOR GOD’S SAKE])
*Step* *Creak* *Step* *Creak* *Door opens*
I like how we can clearly see Six's personality - or rather, her emotion that describes her. It's kind of funny to see how easily she gets frustrated, even with herself! I also find your use of asterisks and sounds very unique. I think I've said this before, but it kind of reminds me of roleplaying, and it gives the work a different and more personal vibe. I might suggest changing this, but it depends what you plan to do with this story. If it's only to share on YWS, then it's a really cool and unique way to show what's happening! If you're planning on publishing it one day, you may want to consider changing it, as it could be considered less professional. Something to think about. ^^
“What is it, Six?”
Help me, Two! I can’t control this stupid self-writing diary! (I mean, it’s your fault, honestly - JUST SHUT UP MYSELF, JUST. SHUT. UP!)
“Oh, you are trying it out now? It is helpful to clear out your mind and control your emotions-”
Yeah, I know, I know! That’s exactly why I am doing this! (After all, I don’t want my Kyu-kun to die ‘coz I got too pissed off - JUST SHUT… uh, you know what, I am gonna give you a pass this time).
“Oh, okay. First, you need to agree with your inner mind.”
How on Earth do I do that, Two?
“It’s tricky - you have to figure it out yourself.”
OH NO! (Oh yeah! - SHUT UP - No you - I HATE YOU - I know - GAHHHHHHHH)
Yay, Two to save the day! Very helpful information, very instructional and easy to follow, yes. Here we really see what is going on. A self-writing diary. At first a little hard to deal with, but in actuality a cool concept! I wonder how my diary self would act around me... That's such an awesome idea I want one... My favorite bit here was Six about to argue with herself again, but then realizing she was right. Every interaction between the 2 (or one) is super funny and engaging, once you understand what's going on.
“It’s alright. It might creep you out at first, but it will settle down eventually.”
You sure? (Nah, I ain’t going away - YOU JERK - You are talking to yourself, you know - I HATE YOU - You mean yourself? - JUST SHUT UP)
“I mean, that’s what Three told me. I have not tried an auto-diary myself.”
Alright, I guess I will trust you.
Alright, myself, calm down. Chill. Relax. Breathe. One. Two. Three. Three. Two. One. Phew. That feels better.
Alright, listen to me, myself - Yeah? - I want to make a daily diary - Okay, I know that - But I am too lazy and too uncreative to write - I know that too, but why exactly? - Uh, I don’t know, I am just a procrastinator - You know that makes no sense, right? - I mean, not everything has to make sense all the time.
Oh, I have an idea! Let’s make a diary that could rival Nine's! - Uh, you sure your inner thoughts are as coherent as Nine’s diary entries? I mean, you can’t even pen down a song by yourself! - Good point. But, there’s no harm in trying! - If you think so.
Now, what’s the best way to write a diary journal? Wakaranai, Roku-chan. Alright, so it doesn’t auto-translate. But, how does it decide which one is your main language? Like, mother tongue or something? Eh, I don’t know - gotta ask Nine-kun - wait, he’s gonna yell at me for not trying to write it down myself and -
She's planning to do it every day... interesting. I love how she doesn't even know why exactly she's doing it, until she thinks of how she can beat Nine with her "coherent" writing skills. I think it's so funny that that is the first thing she thought of to explain why she's doing it. It's also good to know that she has a way to calm herself down - definitely important for someone who is literally called "Fury" and is a big part of her character.
Oh anyway, I’ll just google it… wait, how in the world is Google gonna know about - uh, what’s it called again? - mentio mente satelli- satellite? satellitis? - why does he love Latin so much!?
I mean, Google might know it. After all, that paedophile wrote a 69,420-page-long autobiography in 666 languages! So, okay google *bwing*, how do you control a mentio mente - what was it again - oh, screw it - Telepathic Agent Diary.
*bwong* “According to ‘I am Kinda Bored’ by President Salai, i.e. Agent Zero, Memoria Mente Satellitis or Mentio Mente Satellitis refers to a narrative of the mind of a Dark Field wielder, or literally, it is a ‘Memoir of the Mind of an Agent/Satellite’-”
Dude, just get straight to the point, how do you control -
*Creak* *Door opens*
“Short answer: you don’t, Six. It just happens.”
Woah, 666 languages is a lot. Even a language a day would still take you almost two years! Or maybe you mean it was translated into that many languages. Still, that's a lot of languages to translate it into. It must be popular somehow... or there are just way more people in this universe than I realized. It's also interesting how one of her first instincts is to control the diary, trying to find out how to do so through Google.
Is that-? NOT YOU NOW-
“I mean, I am here to answer you myself as I really like diaries and stuff, scisne tu?”
You know I hate you! And I can’t stand you at all, like - and where is Nine? Wasn’t he supposed to train with you or someth-?
“And that’s exactly the reason I am here.”
“Uh, relax, Six, we just want to have a chat.”
Nine- kun! But why- Oh, OH, I GET IT, I GET IT NOW -
“No, it’s not that. Calm down, I am half a millennium old and I am here just to settle things.”
Fine! As you say.I wonder what he’s up to… I mean, he never lies, but he has never talked so nicely to me before… Or, maybe he has, but I have never felt like it…?
“You know how we all have control over different domains of the emotional spectrum? Well, I used to be different.”
Uh, okay…?
And why is it that I feel a strange air of calm all of a sudden - Like, every other time, whenever he is around - like, no matter what he - or anybody else says or does, I am completely pissed off. Something’s off about this…
I'm a bit confused as to who this is. All we know when the character walks in is that she doesn't like him, or at least doesn't want to see him at that moment. At first I think he was Nine, but then she asks where he is, so it couldn't be him. Then she asks if he should be training with him, so that makes me think it's Zero? I may have missed something, but I would suggest making who that is a little more clear near the beginning, so readers like me don't get confused. :p
Something seems off? Hmm... Now I'm worried. I'm suddenly afraid something bad is going to happen!
“Nine, tell me something. Which emotion do you think is missing among the spectrum of emotions that you Agents control?”
“Let’s see… One - Hatred, Ni - Kindness or Empathy, Three - Boredom, Four - Gloom, Five - Glee, Six - Fury, Seven - Frustration, Eight - Disappointment, myself - probably Love or something, I dunno… Uh, let me think for a minute…”
What is he trying to achieve here…? Trying to gain trust? But he’s not that kind of guy… Like, he doesn’t give a damn about what you think of him. What’s his objective? Or is this just another of his whims? Or am I thinking too much? I am so-
“Oh, OH - I am not sure, and I might be going out on a limb here - but I think I’ve got it. Glee and Gloom are opposites, Hatred and Love are opposites, and Disappointment, Fury, and Frustration are opposites to Kindness or Empathy - only Boredom doesn’t have an opposite among the Agents, so I guess Excitement is missing?”
“As always, given enough information, you can always think of a valid hypothesis. You are right. Before I became - well, No Emotion - I used to be Excitement. I was Salai, the Little Devil of my dear Leo, and I bear that name to this day - and I will bear it in perpetuum. I used to be full of emotions - I frolicked in the forum of Florence; I went on adventures with aliens; I dabbled with higher-dimensional dystopias - before my curiosity got the better of me.”
What do you mean?
I have no idea where this is going, but strangely enough, I feel interested in Zero’s history for the first time.
Well, the first sentence in this sentence here confused me. Nine? It sounds like she's calling him Nine. But I assume this is Zero. Love, training, Zero's History... is "Nine" just a mistake, or am I missing something?
And ooh, this is interesting. Opposite emotions; I didn't even notice that! And his history before he was with them. I'm intrigued!
“You see - I am the pupil of the most creative and curious mind in the history of the universe. So, naturally, I inherited that curiosity from Leo. After making the Dark Field Quantizer, I wandered across the planet for a year or two because I wanted to know the world. I saw and felt so much stuff while exploring the world that I grew impatient and used the Field to - well, get to know everything on the planet.”
“Was that when you lost Excitement?”
“No, I was bored after knowing everything on Earth, so I went to space.”
How - How - Like, how could you just do that?
“I mean, I gulped down the Dark Field Quantizer, what else do you expect?”
Wait, you did WHAT-?!
“Uh, you should have read his autobiography, Six-chan.”
“Like, Leo gave me a blueprint of a device and he said that it would let me harness existence itself-”
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
Harness existence itself? Yes, I agree, what does that even mean??!
I don't know what a Dark Field Quantizer is, but it seems important, so the fact that he says he gulped it down so casually, paired with the fact that he just "went to space" is so funny. The casual, yep, that's normal, is hilarious, but it also helps the reader visualize his character more.“Alright, Six - listen, what do you know about the Dark Field?”
Uh, it’s among the five fundamental forces of nature or something. Like gravity and magnets and stuff?
“Yeah, Roku-chan, but it’s a bit more nuanced.”
“As Nine said. It’s the essence of existence, the elixir of energy. Leonardo hypothesised that spacetime itself must have some energy to match the total mass-energy of the observable universe. And that energy of the dimensions themselves is what we call the Dark Field Energy.”
“But how was he so sure about it? Like, I still don’t understand how he could say that back then with so little technology. Was he just going on his guts?”
“Nah, he had several theories with different interpretations of the same observations, but all of them pointed toward the same thing.”
You guys know that all of this is going a bajillion miles over my head, don’t you? And why are you telling me all this now, Zero?
“‘Coz they are watching and listening to us.”
“What, who?” What, who? [in unison]
Ooh, now I'm curious! Who's watching and listening? I also like the idea of Dark Field. It's not to complicated for the reader to understand while also seeming very sophisticated and scientifical (while not being so). It made me think of dark energy, although the two are different. Also, do you mean Leonardo as in Leonardo da Vinci, or another Leonardo?
“Guys from other universes, like the one who is writing this in Google Docs and the other guys who are reading it. By the way, y’all, that first chapter was my Telepathic Diary, it’s just that my mind is much clearer than Six’s so it doesn’t spurt too much nonsense. And I am tired of thinking, honestly. Although I am half a millennium old in Earth-years, I am over a million years old if you consider relative time-”
What are you talking about?!
“Eh, you don’t need to think about it, I am just breaking the fourth wall - forget I said anything.”
*Zoink*
My head feels empty… What is happening…? What were we talking about again…? Something about writing, I don’t remember exact-
“What is happening…? Why is it so dizzy…?”
“Oh, it’s nothing, Nine. Anyway - so, my point is - Six, whenever you are pissed off, talk to someone. It’s not healthy. Especially for those around you. That’s what the first thing I came to talk to you about, scisne?”
Uh - okay, I guess? To whom, though?
“Why, what’s Nine there for?”
Uh…
Now, this is embarrassing… How do I tell them that I don’t really wanna burden Nine- kun with my stupid problems? Help me, someone…
You had me laughing out loud in my room when he broke the fourth wall - I felt called out and it was actually kind of eerie. I also like that you referenced the first chapter and explained it - now it makes a little more sense and it's a very interesting way to do it. Also, the fact that they just forgot the fourth wall broke is also silly - often what happens whenever the fourth wall is broken, though I've never seen it done so openly and obviously. Very unique and thoughtful!
“Come on, Six! You can tell me! And if you are too embarrassed to say it directly, you can just write it down in a diary or a journal like I told you to. Did you start working on- Wait, what’s this weird scribbling sound? Where’s it coming from?”
Oh no, I am gonna get a lecture if he finds out that I am too lazy to write a diary so I tried to use the Telepathic Diary!
It’s nothing, Kyu-kun!
“I can still hear scribbling! Where’s it coming from?”
Nowhere! I swear!
“Zero, help out a curious teenager here.”
“How about no?”
“Oh, come on!”
“It’s gonna be a lesson for you! Try to detect the flow of the Dark Field. By the way, Six, you’ve trained Nine well! He’s improved a lot. Optime!”
“Wait, what? Hold up, how’s the Dark Field related to the scribbling noise?”
“Hehe, you can figure it out yourself. Hint: Salai.”
“Alright, let me think. I can still hear the scribbling sound - And wait… It stops… when I do!”
Oh no, he’s gonna find out. I don't want a lecture, what do I do? What should I do?
“Strange, my first hypothesis was wrong, it seems. It goes on… even if I don't say something but also stops when I don't - that doesn't make sense. No, it must, facts are facts. Change the hypothesis!”
Should I stop this diary? But how do I do that! Help me!!!
Not only is this humorous in the fact that she doesn't want Zero to find out she's lazy, it also shows more about these characters. Six doesn't want him to realize she's lazy, although she's not extremely worried about it in the sense that she feels like she's in danger. The fact that she uses a telepathic diary also explains the quick responses between her conversation with... herself, that would have felt different had they been written instead of thought.
*Swoop*
“Greetings, Agents Zero, Six, and Nine.”
Who’s that? Oh.
“Hey, Four. Quid est?”
“What is this eerie essence of calmness in this room?”
“Oh, it’s nothing, I was just trying to talk with Six - couldn’t have done it without the calming effects of laughing gas.”
Wait, what?! THAT’S WHY I feel so weirdly calm…
It’s so strange, even though I know I was being illegally manipulated by the guy who wrote the Constitution himself, I don’t feel angry… I guess that’s NO2 for you - or wait, was it N2O? Sigh… I should have concentrated on Chemistry…
“President, you’ve forgotten again. Haven’t you?”
Yay! Four to the rescue of Six getting caught being lazy! I love it that Zero uses a calming gas when around Six - both that he feels he needs to and also it's necessary around Six, showing how much her emotions can take hold. She probably can't get angry at the calming gas because it's keeping her... calm... (President? Constitution? You know I shouldn't be surprised by this point)
Also, now it feels a little more clear on who's in the room. Zero, Six and Nine. I think what had me confused was that it wasn't obvious to me when Nine was speaking (if Nine was speaking?) so I think that's what through me off before, but that may be my poor reading skills. XD
“What are you - Oh. It’s the Agents' Meeting today, ita?”
“Yes, it’s supposed to start in exactly 53 seconds.”
Wait, I wasn’t informed about all this!
“Neither was I, Six-chan!”
“I am afraid Two might’ve forgotten to give the message to you… Like father, like son. Nevertheless, let’s get there right now.”
*Swoop*
He’s gone.
“And we should be too! Come on, Nine and Six.”
“But where are we supposed to go, Salai?”
“To the League of Life, of course!”
I like that Four has the exact time it starts, to the second. And ah, a meeting. Now I'm wondering; what and where is the League of Life? I guess I'll have to keep reading, won't I?
I think I've said this already but I'll say it again; this story is getting better and better and I can't wait to see where it goes! As things in my life calm down more and more, I'll have more and more time to read this awesome story!! I'll see you next time I can. ^^ Until then, have a splendid day/night/afternoon/deep in space where there is no sense of time, and never forget to keep writing!
Points: 31007
Reviews: 253
Donate