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This Shouldn't Be Possible! [Ch. VI, Nine]

by TheRebel2007


This shouldn’t be possible! Wa-What? How? Why? Wha- Nani?! What is this feeling? I feel - I feel like I am being stretched in and out repeatedly like - l-li-like a pendulum or something (You aren’t really good at similes, are you?) Oh shut up myself!

I wonder if Nine-kun’s alright - that boy never listens to me! But I still don’t understand what’s this weird feeling. Like, I am not a scientist or naturalist or stuff but - this, this - like, it feels like space itself is warping around me - or maybe that’s what Nine would have said, at least I think so.

*Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop*

Mahanaadasansarasyeva advitiyamsarvasyasya”

“This doth speak not of good omens to come.”

Wait, what’s going on? Who are these people? Nan-?

“Sí, sabes que ya llevo un rato mirándote-”

“Oh shut up Luis, this is serious business.”

*Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop*

“Why’d Sherlock tell us to-” “This is strange.” “ Er thetta mithpunktur-? ” “Pythaoppojafd?” “Inoniamo kuali” “Oh no shi-”

Nani?! What’s going on? Who are y’all? What’s going on? Like, what-?

“Young lady, please calm down.”

What is happening? Who are all these people? Who are you? What is this per - what’s the word again? - oh yes - what is this weird perturbatory feeling that’s been drilling my head? Like, I am feeling so dizzy and-

“Listen, dear Miss Six, we are fellow Field Wielders. We are here to control the impact of these gravitational waves that have the potential to rip apart multiple universes. Now, if you’ll excuse me-”

Wait, who are you? Do I know you? How do you know my name? Hey wait!

“Six, what’s going on?”

Oh, Ni-kun! Who are all these people? And what are they all doing here? And how does that Victorian-looking guy with the Holmes hat know me? And how’s Kyu-kun?! Is he alright? And what about all the peo-?

“Calm down, Six! That’s a lot of questions! And I don’t even know the answers to half of them! I am as much in the dark as you are! The only thing I can say about these guys is that, uh, how do I articulate this?”

What is it about these guys, Two?

“They, eh… tipo… - They don’t exactly feel like they belong here.”

What do you mean?

“I don’t know, like, no lo so, but they feel foreign to me - their very presence feels foreign. Like, they are not from this universe - at least their Field Signature suggests that to me.”

NANI?! What are you talking about?! And what’s Field Signature? And - you mean to say that - all these people, like hundreds of - if not thousands of - these guys gathered in this park are Field Wielders from other universes?! There are other universes? So, Nine wasn’t just trippin’ when he was talking wack about other universes while talking about his Theory of Everything and quantum physics and stuff.

Io have no clue what you’re talking about but I have to go and find Nine. It took me some time to recover from my injuries after being slapped by that 5D reptile, but I assure you - I’ll find him.”

*Swoop* *Swoop*

“What on Earth is going on here?!”

“Ha! I have no idea! But look at all these people, Miss Frustration, they all look so different with so many different emotions and feelings. This is gonna be so fun and- !”

*Swoop*

“Agents Seven and Five, please look at the matter at hand and stop chattering.”

“As you say, Master Disappointment!”

Hey you guys, what’s going on here?! Who are these guys-!

“Oh, look at that! It’s our Furious Six! Hello there, I have-”

*Swoop*

“Agent. Five. I. Would. Like. You. To. Hold. Your. Horses. And. Take. A. Look. At. The. Grave. Situation. We. Are. In.”

“Why so serious all the time, bro? Like, seriously speaking, Four, you shouldn't be so gloomy all the time.”

You twins can chat later, can anyone tell me what's going on? Who are these guys and why am I feeling like a stirred cup of coffee?

“It’s funny, Fury, ‘coz we have no idea either!”

*BOOM* *ZAP*

What’s that sound? Wha - What… what is that? What is that… light?

I have no idea how messed up my auto-diary is by now but I hope it’s blank after this or there are gonna be a lotta grammatical mistakes in my thoughts themselves. Like, I feel like vomiting - and, and my head’s spinning out of control. Like, I really wanna stop the auto-diary, but damn it, I don’t even know how to!

Like, it feels like time has stopped and nothing’s moving except that ginormous I-dunno-how-many-kilometres-wide-light spanning across my eyes - like it’s the only thing I can see, it covers the entire sky and horizon. It’s even turned the night to lightning-like… uh… what’s the word again? - Whatever, the sky basically looks like untempered lightning everywhere.

Oh wait, it doesn’t just feel like time has stopped, it has legit stopped - like that leaf has literally stopped in mid-air. And, nothing’s moving but us Field Wielders! Just what the heck is that light?

*Zap* *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM*

Nani?! Wh- wha- WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!!! And- OW! Owowowowowowowowow!!! Why does my head feel like it’s banging - OW! - through layers of cem - OW - hundreds of layers of cement every secon - OW! - second. Why does - Oow! - Why is the sky turning blue and orange and violet every couple of seconds - OW! - Why does my body feel like it’s being cut and bruised a million times over every second? WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING ANYMORE?!

!?EROMYNA GNINEPPAH NEVE SI TAHW ?dnoces yreve revo semit noillim a desiurb dna tuc gnieb s???ti ekil leef ydob ym seod yhW - !WO - sdnoces fo elpuoc yreve teloiv dna egnaro dna eulb gninrut yks eht si yhW - !woO - seod yhW .dnoces - !WO - noces yreve tnemec fo sreyal fo sderdnuh - WO - mec fo sreyal hguorht - !WO - gnignab s???ti ekil leef daeh ym seod yhW !!!wowowowowowowowowO !WO -dnA !!!?DENEPPAH TSUJ TAHW -ahw -hW !?inaN

“My fellow Field Wielders, I apologise for the inconvenience, but this was a necessary predicament to prevent the destruction of several billion worlds. I reversed time but changed the causality of events in a way such that the gravitational wave-blast still happened but the fabric of reality wasn't broken.”

… …

… … …

WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING?! WHO ARE YOU?! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!

“Miss Six, please release my collar. And I request you to calm dow-”

AND HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?! I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU!

“I feel your deep distraught and I beg your pardon for that. Let me introduce myself. I am Sherlock Holmes, private detective and Chief of Halcyon. We are, in your words, ‘Field Wielders’ who deal with dangers that threaten spacetime itself.”

Well, that introduction was a bit too cringe for my taste… This guy gotta watch some anime for better intros… Wait a sec… NANI?! WHAT DID HE SAY HIS NAME WAS?!

Are you Sherlock Holmes?! THE Sherlock Holmes?!

“I beg your pardon, but I could not understand your question. I just stated that my name is Sherlock Ho-”

No, like - are you THE Sherlock Holmes?! The famed solver of A Study in Scarlet?! The guy who chased criminals on a cool motorboat scene before chase scenes were cool?! The guy who helped retrieve British submarine blueprints?! The guy who’s written a book on bees and also aware of all the different varieties of tobacco?! Are you THAT Sherlock Holmes?!

“Well, Miss, I have no clue how you are aware of my life events but indeed, I am the very same Sherlock Holmes standing by you. Nevertheless, to come to the issue at hand, I would like to discuss some things. Who is the chief of the Field Wielders in this world?”

Let’s say - he is out of town. Anyway, I am your BIGGEST fan! I have memorized every single story of yours word by word! I have a poster of every person who has ever portrayed any version of you throughout history! And I-

“Miss, please calm down - believe me, I am as excited and fascinated as you are, but my primary work is to know what exactly caused all of this. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

Wait, sir!

“Don’t. Six.”

Wh-What is this pressure? Why do I feel I’m being squeezed out like a tomato? This is just like Gloom - oh, it’s Gloom!

Hey, Gloomy-kun! Stop this! It hurts! Shi-kun! Yamete!

“Shut. Up. This. Is. Serious. Business.”

“Bro, why are you always so serious? Calm down, relax!”

“I. Am. Not. Always. This. Serious. Glee. My. Brother. My. Speech. Pattern. Changes. When. I. Am. Super. Serious.”

“Huh? Never noticed that…”

“You. Are. Too. High. To. Notice. Stuff. Five.”

“And you are too sad to enjoy stuff, Four!”

“Everything. Is. Meaningless. So. Why?”

“Everything is meaningless, so why not?!”

*Smack* “Ouch!” *Smack* “Ouch.”

“I told you all to stop chattering, now shut up. Agent Two!”

“Yeah, Eight?”

“As the strongest among us, talk with them about what’s going on, Agent Two. They seem powerful, but I am not sure if they are friends or foes.”

“Sure. But they seem like friends to me.”

“I just want to be sure - by the way, Agent Six?”

Yeah, what is it?

“Where’s Nine? Last time I saw him, he was with you.”

Actually… Uh… You see… Etto… Um…

“What?”

Nine- kun… uh… He went off to fight that monster… I haven’t seen him since…

“WHAT?!”

Look, I am sorry! He just wooshed off all of a sudden… And I was kinda injured then… So I couldn’t really control him… I hope he’s okay…

“Damn it! I hate teenagers!" 

Uh, aren't you younger than me though-?

"He is the youngest and the most inexperienced of us! Do you have ANY idea what could happen if he dies or if he falls into the enemy’s hands?! He’s Zero’s favourite! And Zero is extremely unpredictable, who knows what he’ll do when he finds out about Nine - he will probably annihilate all existence! YOU DUMB-”

Listen, I am so sorry! What could I have done?! He just went off!

“Alright, it’s now your duty to find him ASAP.”

But how?!

“Trace his Field Signature.”

What the hell is that?

“…Seriously…? -_-”

Uh… Is that something I am supposed to know…?

“That is something every decent Agent is supposed to know!”

I guess I am not a decent Agent then…

“This is no time for self-pity, Six. *Facepalm*”

I am sorry…

“Like, I could do it myself, but it would take me literal days. You are with him almost all the time, so you should have less problems identifying his Field. That’s why I’m asking you.”

I am so sorry, Eight-kun, I didn’t even know there was a thing called ‘Field Signature’ before this…

“You know what? Agent Four! Agent Five!”

“Yeah?” “Yeah.” [in unison]

“Go search for Nine in Earth’s sphere of influence - we really don’t need another apocalypse right now, especially one caused by Zero, a being of infinite power.”

“Uh, that’s a really big area, Eight! It might take several days! Several twenty-four hours! Several sixty-times-twenty-four minutes! Several three-thousand-six-hundred-times-twenty-four seconds! Several-”

“I know, Agent Five, I know. But that’s our only course of action right now. Search for him while I teach Agent Six how to detect Field Signatures.”

“Alright, Eight!” “Alright. Eight.” [in unison] *Swoop* *Swoop* [in unison]

“Now, Fury, what does Nine smell like?”

What? Ew, I didn’t know you are into that stuff…

*Facepalm* “No, I am NOT into that stuff. I am asking if you know what Nine feels like - Wait no, that sounds even worse - Do you know what Nine tastes - Wait no, that sounds even more worse - Alright, just tell me what Nine sounds like.”

Uh, Nine… sounds like Nine?

“Why do I have to deal with all the weirdos…? Alright, listen, Six. Have you ever heard of the Sixth Sense?”

The manga, the movie, or the anime?

“THE SENSE!”

Oh… uh, yes, I have, yes.

“Don’t you feel something different when you are with other Field Wielders?”

Uh… not really…? Like, I am with Field Wielders all the time, so I can’t really say…

“What about when you go to your concerts? Doesn’t the atmosphere feel a bit different there than when you are with other Field Wielders?”

I… I haven’t really noticed… to be honest…

“You are hopeless…”

*Swoop*

“There is no need to find him anymore, Ms. Six and Mr. Eight.”

Oh, Mr. Holmes!

“What do you mean by that, Sir Holmes?”

“Mr. Two has gone to retrieve Mr. Nine who is currently levitating in a comatose state a hundred thousand miles away from the Earth after releasing energy equivalent to several dozen universes in the form of gravitational waves.”

“Wha-what?” N-Nani?! [in unison]

*Swoop*

“Sherlock Holmes, sir!”

“Yes, Mr. Ramanujan?”

“You won’t believe what I’ve found! Just check this gravitational data, it’s even more stupid than we imagined!”

*Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* [in unison]

“Yeah, Albert, but listen to me-” “Signor Galilei, this can’t be true-” “Archimedes! No-!” “This makes less sense than my Incompleteness Theorem-” “Rutherford and Faraday have gone mad, this can’t be-” [in unison]

*Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* *Swoop* [in unison]

“Heisenberg, are you certain about this-?” “No, this can’t be-!” “Maxwell, help me-!” “Holy cow, hell no-!” “My brain’s hurting-” “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS DATA-!?” “Mr. Teddy, we are screwed-” “This graph is high-” “Why did I choose Physics as my major…?” “This is more jank stuff than pilot waves-!” “Sherlock, listen please-!” [in unison, followed and accompanied by utter chaos]

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to request you to calm down and address your concerns to me. What exactly happened?”

[noise of science-guys-scampering-over-themselves-and-screaming-and-shouting-violently]

“Only one, please. It would be great if it’s the most intelligent of you.”

[Murmur followed by silence]

*Ba-dum, tsh-tsh* *Ba-dum, tsh-tsh* *Ba-dum, tsh-tsh* *Ba-dum, tsh-tsh*

Where does that music come from and what are all the nerds so excited about?

*Ts-ts-tsh, ts-ts-tsh*

That sounds like some 90s hip-hop music opening.

*Bling-bling* *Bling-bling*

Wait, I have heard this music before, but where?

*Bling-bling* *Bling-bling*

Wait, NO WAY! Don’t tell me it’s Mich-!

*Swoop*

It was more like a fluty sheen from the cosmic scene/ I said don’t mind, but what do you mean, this is the one/ Whose expanse - *dum* - sawed the floor - *dum* - to the ground? It said, he is the one - who’d caused - *dum* - all the worlds - *dum* - to resound -

“Michael, please, in English.”

“C’mon, Sherlock, that’s no fun!”

“Please, I request you, I do not understand the Pop Music language.”

“Alright Mr. Boring Guy - We were analyzing the Grav. waves when we found that they were emanating from a guy drifting in space, and they caused black holes to form - and the thing is, black holes, which usually forms due to compression of matter, legit formed in forty-nine locations due to compression of Grav. waves themselves - and it’s wild.”

“I do not understand the significance of the fact in its entirety, however, this sounds impressive. Have we found the location of the person emanating th-?”

“Yeah, wait just a sec.” *Swoop* “Here he is.”

Nine! Kyu-kun! Are you alrigh-?

“Please be silent, Miss Fury. Let me check him.”

Alright, Mr. Holmes…

He… doesn’t really look good… I… DAMN MYSELF, I SHOULD HAVE STOPPED HIM - It’s alright, Six, he went of his own free will - But still, he’s hurt! - He’ll be fine, shinjite! - As you say… myself.

“All those years with Watson tells me that this boy doesn’t look well. But, where’s Mr. Two who was supposed to bring Mr. Nine back?”

*Swoop*

Io am here. Thanks for finding Nine.”

"No problem, dude!"

“All right, then! Let’s see… he has no pulse, this is not good… He shows minimal brain activity, this is worse…”

“OH NO - This is not good! If Nine dies, Zero will probably wipe out everything-”

*Swoop*

Minime, amice, I won’t. Et, don’t worry, Eight - Nine is not going to die.”

*Swoop*

“Mr. Eight, who was that? A familiar of yours?”

“Yes, he’s the most powerful bastard in reality.”

Yeah, Mr. Holmes, let’s talk about him later, shall we?

“Although he piques my interest, I’ll believe what you say, Ms. Six, and I’ll do as you wish, Mr. Eight. Now, where’s Pythagoras? Any idea, Michael?”

“He’s probs’ dozing off som’where.”

*Snap*

*Snore*

*Facepalm* *Snore continues*

“He’s never gonna change, is he? Hey, Beethoven!”

*Swoop*

Ja, Michael?”

“Play ya’ Square Root of 2 Symphony.”

In Ordnung!

*Music*

*SCREAMS* “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!! PAUOUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEE!! STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!”

*Music stops*

“Good morning, Pythagoras!”

“May Zeus strike you down, Michael! You criminal!”

“A smooth criminal, indeed, Pythagoras. Now, sir, if you have yawned enough, may I request you to look after this boy - he is extremely injured. If Watson were here, I would have told him to do it but-”

Asphalos, I will help you only because this boy looks almost dead - I will get you one day, Michael, I swear on Ares-”

“Please, Pythagoras. I, Sherlock Holmes, swear an oath that I will torture Michael Jackson in a time loop for you.”

“Wait, wha-? Sherlock, what the f-?”

“Well then, I’ll get on to it!”

Will he be alright, Mr. Holmes?

“Don’t worry, Miss Six. Pythagoras can even revive the dead. And it seems Nine is still alive, even if barely, he’ll be alright.”

That’s - That’s overpowered -

“Go and rest for a bit, I’ll inform you when he gains consciousness. By the by, where does Nine feel the most comfortable? The more comfortable he feels, the sooner will he get better.”

I guess that’d be our home in Rome.

“Well, then.” *Snap* “Here, we are. Where is Mr. Nine’s room?”

Wait, how can you just do it like that-? You make it seem like nothing!

“Well, practice makes a man perfect, you see. By the way, where is Mr. Nine’s- ?”

That was kinda sexist.

“I beg your pardon?”

Maybe they used this phrase back in the 1800s but we use the phrase: ‘Practice makes a person perfect’ - it’s more gender-neutral, it sounds better, and also has good - uh, what was the word again? Something-teration?

“Alliteration.”

Oh yeah, alliteration, that’s the word Nine said.

*Swoop* “Don’t be a Karen, Sexta.” *Swoop*

Shut up, Zero, you bastard!

“Who exactly is this Agent Zero, Miss Six?”

He is a malevolent, overpowered guy who only cares about fun and ‘haha, sixty-nine number funny’.

“How powerful is he, exactly?”

Can’t say, honestly - probably as powerful as you can imagine, or I guess even more powerful than even your imagination. He can do the most stupid stuff and get away with it just because he is that powerful - like farting all over a 5D universe.

“I… cannot even comprehend that potentiality.”

Anyway, let me take you to our room. *Tap tap on the floor*

*Tap tap is followed by tap tap*

“By ‘our’, whom are you speaking of, exactly?”

Nine and me.

“Oh.”

I wonder what he thinks about Nine and me living in the same room… Damn, I hope he doesn’t think that I’m a degenerate - but you are a degenerate - oh shut up! - No you - No you, you - No you, you, you - just shut up, you imbecile! - You know that you’re calling yourself an imbecile, right? - JUST SHUT UP GAHHHH!!!

*Low scribbling noise*

So, Mr. Holmes, here is our room - wait, what’s that sound?

*Scribble scribble*

Wait a minute - DON’T TELL ME THAT I’VE LEFT THE AUTO-DIARY ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF MY ROOM!!!!

“What happened, Miss-?”

Oh… it’s nothing, Mr. Holmes. Just wait a minute… You can go to the Hanging Gardens meanwhile, it’s just beyond that corridor. Nine loves that place too.

“As you say, Miss Six.”

*Tap tap sounds slowly fading away*

Alright, now that he’s gone I can read this in peace. Now, I really hope no one read this while I was gone - Wait, lemme read the diary.

*Sounds of pages flapping* *Scribble*

Oh, so, it doesn’t register stuff when I’m reading? That’s… weird. I thought it did - wait, let’s try something. *Zoink*

Let me read my chats…

Nine: Did you know? The last time someone tried to fashion a lizard into a voluptuous velociraptor-bot -

Hai? It registers the chat but not the diary itself, that’s weird… Is the diary broken?

*Swoop* “Id est not a bug, it is a feature, Sexta.” *Swoop*

STOP PEEPING ON ME FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION, YOU JERK!

Anyway, let me read the diary… What the heck, a diary like this is never gonna compare to Nine’s… I mean, I should have expected this, to be honest. Sigh.

“Miss Six, Nine is awake. You may come.”

Wait - what the hell was that?

“I am sorry for the surprise, but I am currently communicating telepathically. We are in the middle of the Hanging Gardens.”

Alright, I’m coming.

Yokatta! Kyu-kun is alright! Thank God! Now, it’s time to scold him for being so rash. And damn, I can’t show this diary to anyone, it’s too cringey. Gotta learn to control my emotions more - You can’t, you are literally the embodiment of anger - Oh shut up, me! Don’t undermine myself, myself! Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Next Chapter: Paadruman, The Tales of Farting

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Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
— Mark Twain