** [Ch. XV, Nine] - Part I

Quote of the Day: “I don't always stare too long into the abyss, but when I do, the abyss gets nervous and looks away! It’s hilarious, if I say so myself!” – Canta Koto

Jesse, Jesse, Jesse… I am done with everything, honestly.

I don’t even know why I’m writing, to be honest with you. I guess I will just share what happened in the last 12 hours, 6 minutes and 9 seconds since I last talked with you.

In one word: Chaos.

In more than one word: Stupid chaos.

In several moping paragraphs and at least several thousand words, here’s the rest:

So, Six and I Drived to the Headquarters of the Church of Zero in Rome at 8:02 am in the morning (Six was moping about waking up so ‘early’ and made us late by 2 minutes) because Limey told us to be there. Apparently, Limey had been contacted by Sherlock (through telepathy) who requested a meeting with us. Sherlock was already there on time (he is Time, so it makes no sense for him not to be on time) but Limey was nowhere to be found.

Six called him, but apparently, GOATSAMA’s and BOTSAMA’s Realm Collapse has done stuff to reality that haven’t been mended yet – so mind-linked intermobs aren’t working.

Trust me, Jesse, I have no idea how or what Tea and Drugs have to do with the Intermob Network. Two is doing his best to ‘mend’ and ‘stitch’ reality on a conceptual level but I kinda feel like I should be the one to do that, as I am League of Life's Chief Researcher. So, it's supposed to be my responsibility but…

Listen, Jesse, I tried my best – but when someone literally erases concepts from reality, you can’t really blame me for not being able to fix a universe-spanning communication network web, can you? Sure, it would have been MUCH worse if it weren’t for Two somehow manipulating our world to ignore the effects of the literal deletion of ‘reality chunks’, but unless Salai is somehow bothered to do something about it, I doubt it’s going to be fixed anytime soon.

Anyway, that didn’t really matter much as Limey came in 37 seconds after Six’s first attempt at calling him – but I really had to get this rant out of my mind. Sorry, Jesse.

Apparently, although I have no idea why I have never noticed this before, Limey doesn't need to use the Alcubierre Drive to teleport from one place to another in our universe, as he is a 5D being operating in the form of a 3D ‘image’. It isn't necessarily instantaneous like the Drive, per se, since it actually takes time to ‘move’ through higher dimensions – unless he uses the Field to go at or beyond lightspeed like Six… which I dunno if he can do – I've never asked him.

Nevertheless, the playlist that goes on 24 x 7 in the Cult of Agent Zero was jamming my mental processes while Six was jamming out to it – I guess you get used to loud music if you are the most popular pop idol in your galactic supercluster. It could also just be a me-thing because neither Limey nor Sherlock seemed to be bothered by it.

Meanwhile – Six, Limey and Sherlock had this exact conversation:

“Sir,” Sherlock started, “I believe we haven’t acquainted ourselves to each other, however–”

Sherlock tipped off his deerstalker cap and bowed slightly, before introducing himself, “Sherlock Holmes, private detective.”

Six couldn’t help but quip, “He is also Time, don’t forget that!”

Sherlock smirked, “That too.”

Limey nodded gravely before introducing himself, “In the human language, I am Soldier DZNUTS69 – also called Limey by Six and Nine in this world.”

“I am quite aware, sir, quite aware of that,” Sherlock replied, while tucking his hat back on, “Now, verily, all of us here are also quite aware of the mayhem wrought upon all of existence by GOATSAMA's and BOTSAMA's individual Realm Collapses.”

We nodded.

“The two worlds house three Infinite Beings each – two Unary Infinite Beings and one Binary Infinite Being. This state of affairs has allowed them to simultaneously prevent their own universe from collapsing in on itself and to fight the other world’s combatants at the same time, thus maintaining the status quo – till now.”

Sir Sherlock Holmes paused for a moment, before manifesting a cigar, giving it a puff, and continuing, “Now, however, they have – Yes, Miss Six, do you have something to say?”

Six, who was constantly blushing for some reason – oh, who am I kidding? It’s because she’s a huge Sherlock fangirl, Jesse – and was continuously staring at Sherlock with puppy-eyes so that he’d notice her. And sure he did, and I can’t blame him – Six’s puppy eyes are the cutest things in the world that I know of, the only thing that comes remotely close is Golly drooling when she’s asleep.

“Um,” Six started, “Can I ask something? I’m really curious about this and I can’t really stop thinking about it so-”

“Sure.” Sherlock replied nonchalantly.

“What’s the difference between a… uh – what was it? Oh – a Unary Infinite Being and a Binary Infinite Being…? And what separates them from Tertiary Infinite Beings?”

Uh, to be honest with you, Jesse – I kinda expected a dumb question after looking at her goofball face at that moment. But well, I guess appearances can be deceiving.

“Capital question, Miss Six!” Sherlock exclaimed enthusiastically… for some reason, “The primary catalyst that differentiates them is quite a trifle, however. All Field Wielders with infinite Field Signatures with beyond-Ω tier powers in at least one of the Halcyon Threat Designation categories are Unary Infinite Beings, while those with beyond-Ω tier powers in any two categories are Binary Infinite Beings.”

“I… have a question,” I couldn’t help but interrupt, out of curiosity.

“Ah yes,” Sherlock said, apparently deducing my question from the context and my nature, “the Halcyon Threat Categorization has several categories including, but not limited to, Physical Strength, Matter Manipulation, Energy Manipulation, Mind Manipulation, and Reality Manipulation. Special categories like Nigh-Omniscience, Precognition, Adaptation, Nigh-Omnipotence, and several others are used in, well, special cases.”

“And what about-”

“Their levels are measured by their Field Signatures,” Mr Holmes once again interrupted me, “Examplis gratia, when performing a form of Reality Manipulation like swapping the sky for the floor or when performing a form of Energy and Matter Manipulation by creating a universe – we distinguish the Field Wielder's Field Control levels by their Field Signatures which we measure by our spectrometers."

Yes, Jesse, that is the full form of ‘e.g.’, it literally means ‘example in grace’ or ‘for example’.

“Huh,” I said, “Interesting. Can I get-?”

Two voices rang in my brain, one from the auditory nerve and the other from the prefrontal cortex: “Done.” “Messages received from Unknown Sender.”

Jesse, do you want me to barrage you with the info about Field Signatures right now or later? Later? Okay cool.

“Thanks, Mr. Holmes.”

“Very well,” He replied, “Shall we now proceed with the true object of our rendezvous?”

We nodded.

“Capital,” said Sherlock before taking a puff from a Trichinopoly cigar and continuing. “The scientists of Halcyon and I myself have noticed that a certain influence has affected my abilities from instantaneously rectifying the timelines of WFC-α and WFC-β – they stand for Wave-Function Collapse, Sir Nine –” He added when he noticed I was about to interrupt, “It is a metaphysical influence – and that exasperates me – as that exacerbates the entire situation.”

“Uh,” Six said, with a tint of concern laced in her blushing cheeks, “What level of ‘metaphysical influence’ can halt Time himself from interfering?”

Is it just me, or does dealing with the problems of the real version of one's fictional crush increase one's level of intellect? I might have to look into it because, otherwise, I literally have zero explanation for Six actually asking good questions.

“Elementary, Miss Six,” Sherlock quipped, “It’s my other half, my better half if you listen to physicists-”

Six interrupted, “OTHER HALF?!?!?!? YOU HAVE A WIFE?!?!?!?! WHO?!?!?!?! IRENE ADLER?! WHAT TIMELINE IS THIS?!?!?!”

Uh, Jesse, never mind – she's still Six.

Sherlock said, bamboozled, “Pardon?”

“WHO'S YOUR BETTER HALF????” Six demanded.

“Ahem… Space?” Sherlock suggested meekly.

“Huh?”

It was Six’s turn for being bamboozled.

“Roku-chan,” I barged in before more confusion ensued, “I think Mr. Holmes here is talking about ‘Spacetime’ and that ‘space’ is the other half of ‘time’ making up the 3+1D whole that is our world.”

Six stared at me, turned around to look at Sherlock, then took a glance at Limey – before blushing really hard and looking away into the distance. The music playing in the background had meanwhile changed to a mashup of Für Therese and Amaro Porano Jaha Chaye, further adding to the (probable) romantic tension in Six's mind – before she ended up yelling, “Alright! ALRIGHT! I get it! I am dumb! Sorry for assuming stuff! It's not like I was freaking out or anything! I was just confused – yeah, that's it!”

Sherlock couldn't help but chuckle.

“‘Tis quite hilarious, truly,” Sherlock said in half-irony and half-honesty, “Selective knowledge is quite fascinating. Same for selective omniscience.”

“Selective omniscience?” I was intrigued.

“Ah, it is the blessing of my being, Sir Nine,” Holmes replied, “See, since I have kept my human self as my physical vessel – I am bound to the confines of its limits. No human can handle the strains of infinite information – and since I am Time, I have the knowledge of all that has been, is, and is going to be. Thus, to resolve this paradox ‘tween my physical and metaphysical selves, I created an infinite ‘pocket-universe’ – I believe that is the correct term, as the term ‘pocket-dimension’ isn’t exactly preferred by Ramanujan for some cause – to keep all the information in existence that doesn’t pertain to my present self. I can retrieve any information at any time – thus letting me have all the perks of omniscience alongside not becoming Frankenstein’s Monster.”

“WOW!” Six leapt at the opportunity to compliment her crush, “You can make pocket dimensions?????”

“Of course he can, gurl,” I retorted, “He made several for us, remember? That’s where we were training, remember? In stopped time? Remember?????”

Six said blankly, “Oh…”

“And also,” I continued, “Making a ‘pocket-universe’ or a ‘pocket-dimension’ (as sci-fi likes to call it for some reason) is relatively common – and since even Frocock utilises one to keep his condoms that he never gets to use, I doubt that’s something extraordinary per se that only Sherlock can do.”

“Oh…”

“Yes, Sir Nine,” Sherlock chimed in, “Ordinary Field Wielders, even Miss Six, can create pocket dimensions if they train themselves.”

I barely managed to catch what Six muttered under her breath, “I think I should try to learn that… I gotta impress Sherlock somehow…”

“But Mr. Holmes,” I was finally able to portray the doubt I had in mind, “I don’t believe in your omniscience, as you like to call it. Science demands empirical observations for proving hypotheses.”

Sherlock chuckled.

“For example,” Sherlock took a mouthful from his cigar before continuing, “I can tell that Sir Eight is having a shower at the moment and he is going to have a rather embarrassing day today.”

Huh, interesting.

“For example,” Sherlock said smugly, “I know that this dialogue will follow the line ‘Huh, interesting.’ in your diary entry. And your reaction to the observation (that you’d make at that moment) that free will is an illusory reality would be, ‘Wait, what?’”

Wait, what?

“Your next thoughts would be, ‘Hold on, what?’”

Hold on, what?

“Huh?” Six shook her airy head and caught up with the conversation, “What are ya even talking about?”

Hold on, Six. I mean, wait, hold on, Jesse. I think I am having an existential crisis, I can’t keep writing the dialogues.

“Pray not worry, Miss Six,” Sherlock said, “Sir Nine here shall be dealing with existential angst like Nietzsche when he writes down this conversation in his diary, he is alright for now however.”

…What?

I replied, “All of that sounds pretty absurd, Mr Holmes, but I’ll take your word for it and check on my brain when I write this stuff down, I guess. It would be really meta.”

It’s too meta, Jesse.

Sherlock: Nevertheless, let us once again drive back this trainwreck of a conversation to the point. Pray remind me where we were?

No, wait, Sherlock, I can’t, I am having a silent crashout.

Me: You were talking about wave function collapses, and about the worlds of the two ‘SAMAs.

Stop, me, I… I can’t deal with you right now. There’s no way I can give an accurate description of what happened in this state of mind.

Sherlock: Ah, indeed. As you already seem to be aware of, Limey can teleport without having to use the Drive, or even the Field.

I know, Sherlock, but, trust me - I CAN’T DEAL WITH IT.

Sherlock: Now, here’s the new information.

I CAN’T DEAL WITH IT.

Sherlock: Limey, as the singular 5D Being rather similar with 3D worlds, he can – in theory – teleport across universes.

CAN’T DEAL WITH IT.

Limey nods.

CAN’T DEAL WITH–

Sherlock: So, the Halcyon Council has devised a plan to use Limey’s invulnerability to the 3D barrier to plant a spy in those worlds that would let us comprehend the severity of the situation in the, let’s say, ‘SAMA-verses.

I CAN’T DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE. JUST

STOP WRITING DUMBASS

STOP

JUST STOP

JUST… Now I am just weeping.

Wait a bit, Jesse, Six apparently noticed me weeping… I’ll be back soon.