What we could have been

I feel like this could be a song.

A sad song. From a girl to a boy, or a boy to a girl, or whomever to whomever. There seems to be a kind of comical tone to this poem as well. It might have been written from a middle schooler's perspective, or just based off of the idea of an exaggerated silent crush.

Never the matter, I loved this!

I've actually bookmarked this along with other poems of yours, and kept meaning to leave a full review of my thoughts. You know, tie up loose ends as soooo much time has passed by before I realized it.

So, here we go!

Suggestions For Improvement:

1.) There are only 5 periods in the whole poem. No commas (which I think you said that you forgot to add) or question marks or double quotation marks or exclamation marks...you get the gist. Did you mean to really simplify the punctuation for this? I mean, not all writing works need punctuation. Sometimes it clutters up the product whereas other times it helps for organization. Maybe add the commas, and more periods? It wouldn't take too long, but could certainly improve the overall effect!

2.) The first stanza is four lines. The next is three. The third stanza is three lines, with the fourth one having four. You go: 4, 3, 3, 4. Either keep them all four lines, or remove some so it becomes all three-line stanzas. (Tip: sometimes it is easier to add lines then to try and take them out. That's what I would recommend to anyone, and what I would do.)

3.) "prince charming" and "snow whites" in stanza number four should both be capitalized. They're both based on fairy tales, and are cartoon people but still deserve capital letters.

You know how many times that I've felt this way towards a guy and even though the fantasy played on in my head, it never existed in real life? (Scratch that. You probably wouldn't know). But still, that feeling is all too familiar. Thanks for adding emotion to your story!

I loved this poem nonetheless. Thank you for posting! I hope you have a wonderful day

~ Em

Kazey here for a review!

So, this was a very good start to a poem, especially for a genre you're not particularly familiar with. It's good to go out of your comfort zone, so well done. I'm mainly going to talk about one thing you can improve upon in this work; cliche.

You use a LOT of cliches, and that's fine if you put a different twist on them, but oftentimes... You didn't. The first two stanzas are fine, great even. Then I start getting the feeling that as you're not familiar with the genre, you turn to cliche. Romeo and Juliet is WAY overused. (I really don't understand that considering they both commit suicide in the end. Hardly a happy ending.) Fairy tales are also very stereotypical. I feel like instead of turning to cliches, you could maybe even just try to ignite the senses in these last two paragraphs, talk about the way the character feels, not necessarily what he does. Of course, this is all just personal opinion.

Don't get me wrong, your poem isn't bad at all. I just personally feel, like any piece of literature, that it can be improved upon.

Thanks!
~Kazey

Heyo! Nykolas here for another review.

I really like this poem, I really do! The content is very well written, and the message really gets through. Alas, this review can't only be praise, or it won't help you out much. I only found a few small errors.

1) Stanza length - Okay, so the last stanza looks good with one line only. That's perfectly okay. However, your other stanzas vary in length. As the reader, it kind of messes with the flow, and throws me off. I thought I had skipped a line in the second stanza.

2) Verb tense - Overall, you have this done very well, but there are a few inconsistencies. In the last line of the second and third paragraph, you used the verb "will". In the rest of the poem, you used the verbs "could" and "would".

Like I said, the content is great, but there are a few small things that, if changed, would help your poem as a whole. You are the author, though, so overall, it's your decision.

Happy writing, and (almost) Review Day!
-Nykolas

I just loved that line 'We could touch the clouds and hold them tight'. I reviewing as 'm reading sooooo...... WOW you seriously making me blush and smile with your wonderful lines. 'We could dance in the rain, getting soaking wet.' that's my favorite line till now. I've changed it.
"We could be a never-ending fairl tale, just you and I.' That just made me go wildd....
At the end it just was a BOOOOOMMMMM i loved it loved it loved it. Damn you can write. It just hit me with a lot of emotions. I just love the way you used simple language to write such a beautiful poem. I would like to read more of your wonderful work.
Waiting,
a friend.

It's very encouraging to know that you have made efforts to come out of your comfort zone . Not many poets like to experiment these days . All right , now to the review . I am no judge in poetry , but yeah , I can surely appreciate this one . It's sweet . Just shorten your verses a bit . Work with this genre a little more often , and surely , your finesse will be truly admirable .