I wrote this one really quickly so their might be some mistakes, thanks :) and if you don't know what some of the words mean just ask.
There once was a story about a girl with long golden curls,
She had crystal clear eyes that sparkled in the daytime,
She attended a highly academic school with platinum staircases and posh briefcases,
She was the most positive person every time someone was around,
The way she talked got everybody’s attention like a speaker on full blast,
She would smile so bright that the sun even got jealous,
Teachers praised her with all her good grades, applauding her in the hallway,
Friends adored her like she was a queen on the throne,
The perfect life of an average 16 year old.
But it was all pretend…
She was a broken toy beyond repair,
A hole in her heart full of despair,
She was a beauty queen with a shattered face,
She would see herself as a disgrace.
She would come home at night and have deep cuts all over herself,
She would lock herself away in her room and let all the pain out,
There would be razors and blood patches on the floor,
Lights would be switched off and there she was, suffocating in the dark.
She would cry making puddles, flooding her room.
She would lie down on her pure white pillow and the blood would make stains on her sheets,
The girl who seemed unbreakable broke and the final words she ever said was,
“I can’t do this anymore”.
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Nice poem. Just a few comments. First, I think you could take a more metaphorical approach with this poem. Of course, poems don't always have to sound like some kind of deep spoken word masterpiece but I think this leans wayyyy more towards story than poem. I think you could work on shortening your lines and changing them up a little so they have more of a poetic feel to them. For example..."She would smile so bright that the sun even got jealous" could become..."the sun envied her smile from its place in the sky"
"Friends adored her like she was a queen on the throne" could be "a flood of adoration; a queen on her throne."
Also, it almost seemed like you started a rhyme scheme in the middle-ish end of your poem. I think you should keep that consistent if that's the direction you're going in. Another suggestion I'd give you is to re read this poem and think about the lines that don't have much flow. They almost feel awkward. For example, "She would come home....all over herself. She would lock....all the pain out." Could be..
Home at last
Deep cuts everywhere
Home at last
The pain could pour out the way it yearned to
..or just something similar that has some kind of good flow. Anyway nice work. I hope I helped a little.