Chapter 7
My dark cloak whispers in the wind as I walk in the shadows of the city. Marveling at how easy it is to go unnoticed, I step from shadow to shadow, always checking for people trailing me. The soft boots I wear make no noise, and one of the swords Lindon gifted me peeks out from my belt. Anyone who notices me keeps away, and I wonder if I look intimidating. Smiling from the depths of my hood, I weave through a small crowd of people. The castle rises behind me, and the clocktower chimes half past eleven.
When I come to the city gates, the guards eye me, but let me pass without questions. The brick path under my feet turns to leaves and grass as I approach the eaves of the forest. By the time the Great Trees come into view, all the other travelers have fallen away. The shadows of the forest loom before me, and the pale light of the moon does little to chase away the darkness. Gripping my sword tightly with one hand, I conjure a ball of flame in the other, slowing down a bit to make sure I don’t run headfirst into a tree. Just as I reach the cover of the Great Trees, I hear a footstep behind me, and I whirl around, drawing my sword and pointing it at the person. When I recognize Arianna and Captain Wyrnson, I sigh in relief and let my sword drop.
“Jumpy, aren’t you?” Arianna snorts and sets down the lantern she carries.
I sigh. “I have my reasons.” A dark figure appears in the distance, and we all stand at the ready. When they near, I recognize Lindon and lower my blade once again.
“You invited someone else, Rionach?” Arianna looks at me disapprovingly.
I raise an eyebrow. “I trust him, and he can help.” Captain Wyrnson bows to Lindon. “Arianna, this is Prince Lindon of the Unseelie Court.” They nod to each other, and Lindon grins at her.
“I think we’ve met, actually.” Lindon chuckles. “What did you do, Captain, to get out of your hogties?”
She huffs. “You tied up a bunch of pirates and didn’t even bother to take away their weapons. Really, how long do you think it took us to get free?” Throwing him a playful look, she says, “What did you do, your highness, to keep your hair from burning off?”
Lindon narrows his eyes and opens his mouth to reply, but I clap my hand over his mouth and cover the lamp with the end of my cloak. Peering anxiously into the distance, I wonder if I’m being paranoid or if someone was actually there a moment ago.
After a while, Captain Wyrnson breaks the silence. “I don’t think there’s anyone there, your highness, but we had best get to business, if there’s no one else we’re waiting for.”
I nod agreement and say, “Is your brother not coming, Arianna?”
She shakes her head, running a hand through her thick red curls. “He was called away on important business to Erisek.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Another revolution sort of business?”
She sighs, seemingly annoyed at my questioning. “Yes, if you must know. There’s a girl there- a head of the revolutionaries- she wrote him weeks ago, asking him to come and help. Apparently, the people aren’t happy with being ruled over by a Council, either. The fact the Prince Jorge is still alive isn’t helping, either.” Catching my disapproving expression, she says, “I told you before, I had no choice but to leave the country. I’ll tell you the story sometime, perhaps. Anyway, Nikolas only stayed because I wanted to speak to you.”
I nod, letting the subject drop. “Alright, down to-“ A stick cracks behind us, and we turn as one. Arianna picks up her lamp, and I conjure the ball of fire to my hand again. When we look, though, no one is there. Lindon walks forward, his sword at the ready, and when he returns a few seconds later, his face is screwed up in frustration.
“There was definitely something- or someone- there. I can’t find any clues, though, to track them.” A collective groan issues from us.
“If there is someone near, what can they do to us?” Arianna stands with a hand on her hip, a challenging eyebrow raised. “One of you fae can cast a sound barrier with the wind. As long as whomever it is has no evidence to take to the queen, she can’t hurt us, right?”
Lindon and I laugh in unison. The bitter sound rings out in the quiet forest, and we cover our mouths. “We have more to lose than our lives, Arianna. My mother tortured and killed Lindon’s sister because the Wild Hunt would not follow her orders. She managed to do it without anyone’s knowledge except Lindon’s.” I shake my head. “We have to go somewhere else. Let’s meet somewhere inside the city, try to lose whoever’s following us.”
Arianna mouths, cast a sound barrier. Both Lindon and I erect one in a dome around us, and when I nod for her to speak, she says, “Let’s meet in the tavern below my room. It’s called the Golden Pint. It’s near the castle grounds, so it won’t be too far a walk back. I’ll look for you, aye?” She slips away into the darkness, practically invisible.
Captain Wyrnson slips away, following Arianna on the path and then cutting into the wood. Lindon offers to go with me, but I urge him to go, and he disappears soon enough, his lean figure slipping with fae speed through the trees. I wait a moment, then pull my cloak up and step just off the path, where the darkness is thick enough that I won’t be seen. A hush has fallen over the wood. No owls hoot, no will o’ the wisps dance, and the crescent moon hovers over a tree like a curved blade, beautiful and terrible and dangerous. My step cracks no twig, my foot crushes no leaf, and my tread is as silent as the night. As I walk, the trees thin, and I come upon the houses at the edge of the city. The guards let me pass without incident, and when I enter the city, I wonder at how different it is at this late hour.
Except for the drunkards that stagger down the alleys, muttering and cursing, and the muted laughter and noise coming from the taverns, all is quiet. The city feels like a continuation of the wood, and I walk along in dreams until I see the castle looking in front of me. The looming silhouette of it against the dark sky snaps me back to reality, and I hiss softly to myself when I remember that I have to go back to playing the part of the obedient daughter in the morning.
I shake my head, trying to put the thoughts out of my mind. Instead, I walk faster, somewhat succeeding in trying to concentrate on finding the Golden Pint. As I near the castle, I notice more guards about and pull my hood up further, trying to disappear as best as I can. Hugging walls and taking side streets whenever I can, I stalk the quiet streets of Aerch When I finally catch sight of a sign bearing a yellow-gold mug on it, I sigh in relief and slip through the door. Taking off my cloak, I hang it on the cloak rack, trying to avoid being jostled by the drunk patrons. The garments I wear beneath are common enough; an unadorned pair of leggings, a worn blouse, and scuffed boots gain me no attention. I slip through the crowd nimbly, avoiding anyone’s eyes. Suddenly, someone wraps an arm around my waist and jerks me back. Wincing with pain from my earlier bruises, I fall into Lindon’s arms and brush him off, ready to snap at him. As I watch, though, a bar fight erupts in the same spot I stood in not a moment ago.
Another blossom of pain spreads from my hipbone, and I shift my weight. Lindon looks at me with concern, and Arianna eyes me. “Everybody’s here,” she says. “Captain Wyrnson was instigating that little fight to give us a good distraction.” Scanning the crowd, she nods. “Here he comes now. Let us go to my room.” Standing up, she throws me a devious grin, stretching like a cat. “You’re not afraid of heights, are you, princess?”
I raise an eyebrow. “I am the heir apparent of a country of warriors. In what world would I be afraid of heights?” A sense of adventure, of freedom, wraps around my heart, and I smile brilliantly at nothing at particular.
Giving me a curious look, Arianna steps out from behind the table and makes her way to a side door. Sending a meaningful look our way, she steps outside, and we scurry after her. Captain Wyrnson, follows us, checking to make sure we’re not being followed. As I watch, Arianna hoists herself onto the widow’s walk by balancing precariously on a set of boxes. Lindon is the first to move, nimbly making his way up to Arianna. Captain Wyrnson offers to boost me up, but I refuse, hoisting myself onto the crates and heaving myself over the railing, almost falling to the ground. Arianna gives me a hand to steady me, and I accept it gladly. After Captain Wyrnson joins us, Arianna moves. Walking to one end of the widow’s walk, she gestures to the roofs parallel to us.
“What do you think of travelling by the roofs, Rionach?” Somehow, I have become the leader, even though Arianna knows more than I do.
“I thought you said that your room was above this tavern!” Lindon’s voice is confused.
“If you’d use your head for a second, I’m sure you’d remember that we thought we were being followed.” Rolling her eyes, she balances herself easily on the railing before beginning to leap gracefully from roof to roof, landing almost silently. I hurry to follow, not wanting to lose her.
“I don’t know about you, Lindon, but we can argue later- I’d much rather do something useful with the time I have.” I pull myself onto the railing, swaying precariously, and, shutting my eyes, make the jump. When my feet land on brick and not air, I take a deep breath and begin to run.
Soon, the air whistles past my face, my fae sense of balance helping me learn quickly. I even catch up to Arianna, and I smile at her. Of its own accord, my mind pulls me into a memory of a younger version of myself doing the same thing with Arianna, but somewhere else. The sound of waves and the smell of the sea accompany the memory, and I snort, writing it off as a mere dream. No faerie can be so close to the sea and not drop dead, or at the very least, fall unconscious from the sheer amount of salt. Still, I resolve to ask Arianna if it is a true memory.
She gestures for me to stop on the next roof, and I slow down, making the last jump with ease. A laugh bubbles out of my chest, and I turn to Arianna with a smile on my face. “Impressive, Lady Hook, to be able to keep up with a faerie running at full speed.”
Her eyes flash with mischief as she grins back. Glancing ruefully at the hook that lies where her hand should be, she says, “I am a demon girl, after all. And please, Captain. Captain Hook, if you please.” She bows with a flourish, mocking the sniveling courtiers. We both burst into muffled laughter, elated after our sprint over the rooftops.
Lindon’s and Captain Wyrnson’s figures appear in the distance, slowly getting closer. “Do people actually call you that?” I snort, picturing someone being called Captain Hook.
“You’d be surprised. I have many names- not counting the profanity, of course.” Lindon lands gracefully on the roof, not in the least out of breath, and the captain follows soon behind him, making a bit more noise, but just as gracefully.
Arianna rolls her eyes at us. “You fae are so lucky, to be so bloody graceful and balanced all the time.”
“We know.” Lindon winks at her. “Still, Wyrnson is half siren, and you haven’t got a drop of fae blood in you, yet you’re both just as skilled as me and Ria are.”
“Practice, Commander, practice. Isn’t that what you tell your men, anyway?” She drops from the roof and looks up, waiting for the rest of us. Arianna addresses Lindon as the leader f the Wild Hunt, and I wonder how they know each other.
“How do you two know each other?” Captain Wyrnson voices my thoughts as we all rush ourselves off and step into the small house. Arianna lights candles, and I send a spurt of fire into the dusty fireplace, and the old wood catches almost instantly, filling the dark room with warm, friendly light.
Lindon explains. “We ran into each other quite a lot in our travels, and got into some very interesting scrapes together. The last time we saw each other was over a year ago, and I hogtied her to her precious ship.” He says the words with a grin on his face.
Arianna counters almost immediately. “And I set his hair on fire.” Smirking, she pops open a jug of wine and pours herself some. “Come, let’s get down to business.” They all turn to me as she says, “What exactly do you need us for?”
End of chapter
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Hi, love.
This is my favourite chapter thus far. It's well-balanced, the pacing is good and I like how you've worked the transitions in without bogging any of the scenes down.
The double meet-up in the woods makes sense now! I do think it could use some clarification, though, that Ria intends for Lindon and Arianna to meet her on the same night, for the same purpose. Otherwise, idiots like me will just get confused and assume that they're separate meetings. (This confusion might be a result of the somewhat-harried nature of the last two chapters? Which is completely natural with LMS, eurgh, but it's just something to keep in mind during the edits!)
The way your characters interact in this scene makes me very happy--it really reeled me in and brought the prose to life + it's done wonderful, wonderful things for the overall development of Arianna, Lindon, and Captain Wyrnson as characters. I'm really intrigued by what happened during Arianna and Lindon's meeting, from the snippets you've dropped, and how well they know one another--their interaction is something I'm keen on seeing more of as the plot weaves on.
On technicalities: The chapter became a bit dialogue-heavy nearing the end, and I found it hard to keep track of /where exactly/ Rionach and Co. were. Whose house are they at? Is it Arianna's temporary hideaway or something? What does it look like? I'm not asking for a paragraph, but a couple of sentences would be nice. I was also a little confused by the mentions of the Wild Hunt, Prince Jorge, and ... the entire political situation is a bit confusing, to be honest. I'd like some more worldbuilding + backstory. The main problem with high fantasy, I guess, is integrating the more monotonous (but definitely plot-essential) details into the main course of things. The undercurrent to the river. Because this largely ends up taking the shape of info-dumps, I figure a large part of the time, we avoid depositing this information and instead endeavour to convey it through sections of dialogue. This makes things hard to understand, because they are merely mentioned and not explained.
My advice on this would be to keep this information and reinsert it in the introductory chapters rather than when things have started to move forward of their own accord. Don't let the excess info bog down your plot--the details with regard to the city, Aerch, are the ones that should be conveyed to us earlier on. What's the condition of the people like, good or bad? Are they all fae? In that case, shouldn't they all be able to do magic? How has the political situation + the king's deteriorating health been affecting the people and their living conditions? Does Ria escape to the city quite often? These are all things I'd like to know. I greatly enjoyed the forest-imagery, because it was one of the most poignant and vivid parts I've had the pleasure of reading in this novel yet.
One thing that I couldn't help but notice is that we get a lot more of Ria's surroundings when she's on her own, but this dissipates and heaves way to mostly dialogue when a lot of characters are present. It made the writing seem a little chunky, so I'd advise working on those transitions a bit more + melding Ria's surroundings into the occurring action a little bit by emphasising on how she interacts with other characters as well as her surroundings.
Arianna is fantastic. Guess we know who my favourite character is, huh?
On magic! This is the first time I've seen any magic from Ria, and I think it's made a bit of a late entry into the mix, because I don't recall her using any magic prior to this/any mention of her having these abilities beforehand. It was a bit of a surprise--not a bad one; if anything, it makes things more interesting--and I wouldn't mind finding out more about it. Does faerie magic have its limits? Can vampires do magic--if so, how does it differ from other kinds of magic? Is this ability learned, or are people born with it?
Overall, this is coming along great, 'Rora!
Keep writing!
~Pomp x
Specifics
I feel like the dialogue should be more along the lines of 'Aren't you?' since they're about to commit treason and Ria has every right to feel tense.1.
2. How dark is it without the lantern? Is it easy to see her shaking her head or is it now hard to make out their expressions? Is there a full moon or no moon? Describing the lighting and the setting a bit more, like the wind or the temperature, would help to increase the atmosphere and tension.
3. It feels like if someone has observed them then they've already given away too much. Just talking about how they're worried the queen will kill them is enough information to take back to the queen. I feel like they need to stop talking sooner or cast the sound barrier sooner - it doesn't feel like they're trying hard enough to be discreet or like they're worried enough about the consequences.
4.
5. Nice description of entering the pub - that part flows really smoothly and you slip in the description of her outfit and the way she moved very naturally.
6. To make it clear that this is Arianna's dialogue and not Lindon's, you should have a break between the dialogue and the next sentence. Only carry on a sentence after dialogue when it's about the speaker.
7. I'm confused here. There's no dialogue where she does this and it would be much less confusing if there was because for a moment I wondered if commander is the title of the leader of the wild hunt but that doesn't make sense? Or is it? Maybe you've explained this in an earlier chapter but if not you need to clarify.
Overall
I'm not sure we need the story again of how Lindon and Arianna know each other - we got enough from their earlier dialogue and the exchange at the end feels repetitive. There's some nice tension in this chapter and if you tidy up a few of the parts where it feels like they're not being careful enough and add a little more tension, I think you'll have a nice tone to this one and a nice mix of light heartedness while going over the roof tops and tension while in the woods.
Keep it up!
~Heather
Hello there QueenofHearts!
I'm sorry that I haven't been able to read your other chapters yet, but I certainly will when I get the chance!
I think that "gifted me with " would work better here, unless gifted is something specific to your story/world.
Although this is fine, you may want to rephrase; something like "We issue a collective groan" might sound a little better, but it's your call.
I really love the description in these lines! Great job.
I really like the storyline, I will try and read the other chapters soon!
Sorry I'm being a bit nitpicky. The plot looks great, and although I haven't read your other chapters I feel like I know your characters pretty well at this point! Good job with that, because it's important to have good characterization at all points in the story, not just the first chapter.
-Falco
Hey, I'm back to complete my reviews!
And a part of the previous chapter is used here. Smart. 
! 
As usual, the suggestions;
Spoiler
You see, I've seen you using commas quite a lot. It's pretty tiring to pause a bit in a sentence when there's really no need to do that. To rephrase this one; "I sit down in a chair with a regal posture and rest my elbow on the table, accepting the glass of wine Arianna hands me."
Same as before. Remove the commas after the first and it would be read smoother. "Arianna, what you said about my father dying from poison was indeed true."
Eh, this one can be structured simpler. "Arianna, how did you come to find out that the queen was the poisoner?"
This paragraph is too long for dialogues. Separate them into two:
Another thing I notice is that your dialogues most of the times are short because of the descriptions between them. Sometimes I can't put my focus at the right place - the body language that comes after dialogues, or the dialogues themselves. I suggest you put in descriptions after or before the whole set of dialogues.
If it is me, the part where Rionach raise her eyebrows would be put into a new sentence. When it comes to dialogue, you want to focus on the one giving it. Suggestion;
Also, I break the sentence. A mix of short and long ones are always good.
Too long! Break them.
There. Better.
"None of them suggests..."
"I think it's best..."
"The sky..."
"... have closed, ..."
"... it's wise..."
Oh. Break it. And, another state of how many reasons? It's making it's way slowly to be redundant. Here's a suggestion;
There.
Oh my god. WHAT IS THE STREAK OF PALE PINK IN THE SKY? D: I dunno if it's significant, but I'm always curious about something out of the blue.
Now, about the plot, characters, and settings;
The plot is moving along just nice! So, the result of the meeting is finding a cure for Rionach's dad, and keeping an eye for Blathen partly for what he has done to Rionach - you still need to make the previous picnic more relevant, though. The stalker is revealed to be Cyan - I like him - and he wants to join this overthrowing scheme. Many things have happened.
About characters - Arianna surprises me big deal. Here, she becomes super guilty to the point where she sheds a tear, goes out of the room, and when goes in back, avoids Rionach's eyes and calling her with her name. All these are too... forced, for me. Although the change is good, I'm not quite convinced the genuity of it. A simple sorry from Arianna for me is enough since she didn't sell the poison to the queen, it could be in anyone's hand, and the queen is the one poisoning Rionach's dad. I think Rionach could do to say all these to her.
About the settings, nothing much to say. There's not much of descriptions here but I think I can ignore them since I myself am too focus on the content of the meeting. I think giving more descriptions would scatter the focus though a bit more fine.
And that's all! Keep up the good job (my compulsory statement of support
Thanks again!
(The streak is the beginning of the sunrise.)
So, with Ari, she did basically the same thing a few years ago, which resulted in a lot of her crew being slaughtered and the man she loved disappearing. That's why she's so sad. I need to find a way to make that more clear, though, so if you have any ideas....
Well, I'm not so sure about this, but since this is told from Rionach's PoV, you can't tell us about that, which is something you don't know. You can let others tell Rionach though, like Nicholas. Make Rionach sees him and asks about Arianna, or Rionach can straight go to Arianna.