Chapter Three
The morning sun shines brightly in my eyes as I walk up the staircase to my parents’ chamber. I come to a stop just before the corridor that led to their rooms, and rest my head against a wall. The chain mail I had left on from this morning’s practice session with the captain gleams, casting little lights on the wall. Taking off my gloves, I run a hand over my face, wiping away the sweat and dirt. Taking a deep breath, I walk to the door. The guards snap to attention, their spears crossing before me.
“Who seeks an audience with their Royal Majesties?” The guard’s voice booms out into the corridor as he formally questions me.
“I am the Princess Rionach, come to speak with my parents.” I level my gaze at him, and, they bring their spears back to attention. One of them steps forward, bowing, and opens the door for me.
Striding through the doors, I come to a halt before their bedchamber and knock, the sound booming into the large room. A healer opens the door, avoiding my eyes. When I walk in, the smell of rotting flesh makes me cringe, and I step hesitantly towards the high bed. My mother sits in a chair, the perfect expression of worry and fear pasted onto her face.
“Rionach!” Her voice shows surprise, although she must have been expecting me.
“Mother. I came to see how Father was doing. Is he any better?” Or did you just poison him further, I add in my head.
She shakes her head mournfully. “I’m afraid he’s doing worse. The healers say that he must have been poisoned.”
I gasp in fake surprise. “How, mother? And by whom?” Widening my eyes and furrowing my brow, I play the part of the confused and worried daughter to perfection. I am worried, deep inside, both for my father’s life and the country’s future, but I bottle it up refuse to feel anything.
Just as my mother draws breath to reply, the head of the healers, Cairn, steps towards us, bowing. “Begging your pardon, your majesty, but I would kindly ask both yourself and the princess heir to depart the room. The healers and I require utmost silence if we are to help his majesty.” Somehow, he manages to sound pompous and deferential at the same time. Sneering coldly, I wait for my mother to leave, then follow.
Without looking back, she leaves her sitting rooms. “Come, Rionach, let us go to the libraries, where we may talk in peace.” One of the guards falls into step behind us. We pass groups of chattering nobles that fall silent when we approach. As we walk down the stairs, a serving maid carrying a pot of steaming water rushes by us, probably for my father. Pushing down the grief and anger that threatens to overwhelm me, I walk faster, overtaking my mother.
I push open the library doors and walk in, not bothering to hold them for her. "Your majesty, you wished to speak with me?" My voice is cold and haughty.
"Not here, Rionach." I follow her to the not-so-secret passageway. The huge floor to ceiling mirror that hangs behind the books opens with a breath of her magic, and it swings open. I wave my hand at the cold sconces, and the torches int hem flare to life, casting flickering shadows on the walls of the stone passageway. Looking both ways for watching eyes, Mother shuts the mirror.
"We're here, where no one can hear or see us. What is it you wanted to speak to me about?"
She smiles graciously, clasping her hands girlishly in front of her. "My daughter, the king- your father- will not live long."
I choke on air. "What are you saying, that there’s no hope? How can you be so happy when it is your husband that is dying?"
She shrugs. "It was a political arrangement, Rionach, as you well know."
That must have made it easier for you to poison him. "Truly, mother, it was." Suddenly, a bout of rage takes over me, and I spit, "I know why he's dying."
Her expression doesn't change, but she stops walking. Tossing her pale hair behind her shoulder, she laughs. "We all know why he's dying, darling."
"We all know he's been poisoned. We don't know who poisoned him, but mother-" A crash echoes up ahead, and both of us run towards it. A torch has fallen out of the sconce, but no one is around. "We cannot speak here anymore than we could in court." Secretly, I thank the Triad for keeping me from saying anymore.
Mother nods, unshaken. "I'll speak to the Captain about this. Our privacy cannot be interrupted anymore."
One thing, at least, which we can agree upon, I think to myself. We step out of the corridor at another point, emerging into a set of unused rooms. "By your leave, your majesty-" I start to turn away, but my mother cuts me off.
"After the council session you so dearly want to attend, Prince Blathen wishes to go riding with you."
I close my eyes, trying to calm myself before and argument could erupt. “Ma’am, I thought I would show the vampire nobles around the gardens today. It would be a grave error to ignore them or offend them.” It takes a huge effort to keep my voice steady.
“Take them with you, then.” She studies a blank sheet of paper, unconcerned. “You can have a private dinner with Blathen in his rooms.”
A feeling of nausea sweeps over me at the thought of surviving dinner with the vile elf. His leering looks and chronic inability to keep his eyes on my face only made me hate him more. Curtseying, I say, “Of course, your majesty.” Without waiting for her leave, I turn on my heel and stalk down the hall to find Captain Wyrnson and then Lord Nikolas and Arianna.
The spiral staircase down to the grounds makes my head spin. Clutching the hand rail, I wonder briefly if I’m getting sick, but write it off as exhaustion and stress. Just then, I spot my sister with some ladies of the court. They giggle in unison as I approach them. When they notice me, they curtsey and many of them leave.
“Kerissa, can I speak with you for a moment?” I let the air around us weave a bit, creating a sound barrier for anyone daring enough to try and listen.
Isi nods. “Of course, sister.” She steps away from the remaining ladies, eyes squinted against the sun. Leading her over to the shade, I gesture for her to sit down on the cool grass. Fanning myself, I sit down next to her.
“Isi, did you hear about our father?” I choose to be blunt, not having the time to be gentle.
“I heard he was ill. Was that why he didn’t attend the dancing last night?” I nod my affirmation, my eyes searching the training yard in the distance for the tall figure of Captain Wyrnson. My sister interrupts my thoughts, saying, “Rionach, if you can’t pay attention to what I’m saying, why did you ask to talk at all?” A disgusted expression on her face, she gets up to leave, but I catch her arm.
“Isi, I’m sorry. I’m distracted.” Taking a deep breath, I concentrate on her. “This hasn’t been announced to the court yet. You can’t tell anyone, do you understand?” At the back of my mind, I find myself wondering if I can trust my sister, but I smother those feelings.
“Of course, Isi. You can tell me anything, you know that.” Now it’s her that’s distracted, making eyes at a young lord sitting across from us.
Tactfully, I ignore it and continue. “Isi, he’s very ill.”
She looks at me carefully. “How ill is very ill?” She doesn’t hide her emotions very well, and a hint of fear carries in her voice.
“They’re saying he won’t make it through the week.” I prepare for a fountain of tears, or anger, perhaps.
Instead, she sits there, expression blank. “What’s wrong with him?” Her voice is tight, like she’s using every ounce of her will to hold back tears.
I draw her into an awkward embrace. Isi and I no longer know each other well. The last time I’d seen her was her tenth birthday. After three years of being fostered with Unseelie faeries, she’s become like a stranger to me. “They’re saying he was poisoned.” She hugs me back, and I feel tears on my neck. Still, she surprises me when she comes back up by having a clear, expressionless face.
“We’ll talk later, sister.” She smiles at me gaily, although her eyes still hold tears. Turning away, she goes to find her ladies, probably to try and forget.
I get up, sighing, and start towards the training yards. When I get there, a guard tells me that Captain Wyrnson is in the barracks, so I head towards them. Before I get all the way there, though, I nearly run into the captain himself. Glancing around, I create another sound barrier around us. When he sense it, he gives me an odd look, but says nothing.
“Can I help you, your highness?” His eyes pierce mine.
“Your title is a hereditary one, is it not, Captain?” Now a confused expression overtakes his face.
“Yes, indeed, your highness.” As we walk, I subtly turn a bit to take us further away from the palace.
“You are a young captain of the guard. Do your men respect you?”
He nods. “Of course. Is there a point to this questioning, your highness?” His voice carries a hint of amusement.
I bid the wind to whistle through the trees in front of us. Stopping abruptly, I ask, “Can I trust you, Captain?”
His steel-grey eyes narrow. Then, he bows. “My allegiance is to you, your highness, as always.”
Smart man, to phrase it like that. I take a leap of faith, choosing to believe Arianna’s words, and say, “I’ve heard, and I wish to discuss this further.” Stepping even closer, I whisper, “Meet me at the eaves of the forest tonight at midnight, Captain, if you truly support me.” Leaving him to figure out my intentions, I stride away, dropping my hold over the wind as I do.
Now to find Arianna, and get her to come, too. Suddenly, I catch sight of the vampire guard from last night with his lady, standing not too far from me. He scrutinizes me, and the walks off. Cold dread envelops my heart as I think of what could happen if my mother ever finds out about this. I make a mental note to ask Captain Wyrnson about the man, and mutter a hasty prayer to the darkest of the gods to aid me in my plans. “Let me live, Lady Morrigan, and let me save this country.”
End of chapter
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Back, back! I haven't read any of the previous reviews so forgive me if I repeat anything~
There are a couple more tense-shifts in this chapter, 'Rora. Read through it and you'll spot them--I don't think there's any need for me to point them out. Also a couple of places where the syntax is a little clunky, but that's nothing that you can't fix during editing~
I think it was odd that the guards asked Rionach to identify herself, considering she must've lived in the castle her whole life AND is the princess, so for them to fail to recognise her is a little ... odd. Maybe if her hair was tied back and her face was streaked with grime/dirt, they might not immediately recognise her, but I think they should have been slightly apologetic about the mistake. Remember--it's not just Rionach who's afraid of making missteps with royalty. She's royalty, too.
I also think Cairn was a tad too pompous and blunt when he asked Rionach and her mum to leave the room; I'm also surprised the queen didn't huff about it, because it's rude to ask anyone to leave the room like that (no matter how conducive it is to the healing), especially if they're the queen. It could be phrased differently, perhaps, because the way he speaks right now goes to suggest that the queen's opinion is not all that weighty, despite her obvious air of it being so. Something like, 'Your majesties, I apologise for the interruption, but the healers would like to operate in complete silence to give the king utmost ... attention'' while perhaps gesturing at the healers/trying to ignore the withering looks the queen sends his way or something. Or even a reaction to his original dialogue would suffice--it also lends a hand to making character development easier, when your characters' reactions to tiny, plot-propelling actions come into play.
I'm going to emphasise on how important it is to deliver the dodgy, chunky bits of information, 'Rora. Who/what is the Triad? The part leading up to the secret passageway floated on air a bit, mostly because it went by in such a blur and I couldn't really /see/ it happening. How many people know about the passageway? Has Rionach been there before--I mean, she probably /has/, but it wouldn't hurt to mention this--and what does it look like? Sensory description, please! It'd also help to have Rionach's interactions with her surroundings to be mentioned, because that would mean you can subtly insert description without it becoming too heavy/noticeable, and it just grounds the reader into the setting, overall. I also think that the part where she mentions her worry is a fantastic starting point for us to get to know her relationship with her father--her grief isn't echoed on her face, so let it echo in her thoughts.
If her father's been poisoned, why was his flesh rotting? Also, in the last chapter, Arianna mentions that her father has been on the receiving end of poison for several weeks--how long has he been sick, and has Rionach known that he is sick? How often does she interact with her father anyway? Are they close? Wouldn't she have been aware of his physical state earlier on, if he was being poisoned? Even if the poison is slow-acting, it would have affected him somehow. Is it magical?--is that why the smell of decomposition pervades the room? I'm surprised because, even though Rionach came to see her father, she didn't really /see/ him aside from the first mention, and was whisked away by her mother after that. Even a glimpse she caught of him would do here; the reader wants to know why there's a cause for worry aside from being told about it.
How long has it been since Isi returned to the palace? If Isi heard he was ill, shouldn't she be allowed to see him? Hasn't she wanted to see him? I'm curious as to her relationship with the queen, as well as the reasoning behind her being sent to live with Unseelie fairies. Backgrounds are muy importante~
!!More Arianna! She's fabulous and I'm looking forward to her role in the happenings-of-things~ You're also developing Rionach's relationship with her mum wonderfully, as well as Captain Wyrnson's character (despite him not having had much of a role until now). I think one thing you could focus on is to have the characters be more robust as Rionach remembers them, more solid so that we have something more to go by--aside from brief mentions--when we see them again.
I'll get to the next chapter soon~ Fabulous work, 'Rora, as always.
~Pomp x
Hi there!
I started a review of chapter 2, but then quickly realized I didn't have much to say about it. So this first paragraph here is all I had to say from that chapter and I figured I'd add it to this review instead of not saying it at all:
Oh dear, I have a lot of chapters to catch up on. I'll get to them all, promise
The thing that really stands out to me is the way that the princess and prince converse. I've always been interested in royalty and how they would live their lives, so observing these interactions is not only interesting, but also eye opening for character development. Just from the simple conversation at the beginning of this chapter, I see the prince as a formal boy who thinks he may be able to be informal with the princess, and I see the princess as an informal girl who knows which situations she has to be formal during. They're an interesting pair and I wonder how their differences will affect their relationship, whatever it may be.
Alright. Onto the chapter at hand.
This action puzzles me a bit. Sure, the guards' job is to protect the king and queen, but Ria is the princess, a member of the royal family. Obviously the guards would recognize her, so why would they demand to know what she wants? I just feel like the princess would be given more respect than that.
One thing that I feel is lacking in this chapter is Ria's true feelings toward the news of her father dying. She says that she's sad, but I don't feel it. I feel her hate towards her mother for poisoning him. I feel her want to catch her mother admitting to poisoning him. I just don't feel the other emotion; the sadness. There was a great opportunity there to really show us her emotional side.
I'm a bit puzzled by the mother's actions at this point. She's obviously not a very nice person and she and Ria disagree a lot. However, the mother is still trying to hide behind the mask of a loving parent. From what I've read I don't see her as one at all. I thought for sure she'd brag about poisoning the king and/or the elaborate plan she has that goes along with that. Being a villain type character, I expect her to have more pride. There's not much pride there.
I wish that we had gotten to see more of Captain Wyrnson before the exchange that ends out this chapter. Ria is trusting him with something very important, but I don't feel like I can trust him. I don't know his relationship with Ria or anything about him, really. I'm assuming that he's the one teaching her in the beginning. That's all we really see of him. Even a short memory of a time he got her out of trouble would be effective. Make us feel a certain way toward this man and then we can relate to Ria's trust in him.
Well, things are definitely heating up, aren't they? Three chapters in and we're already starting off on the adventure. Or at least the idea of the adventure. I like that this story is character based at heart. There's something going on in Ria's world, but the only thing we're really focused on is Ria's life. No matter what happens around her, we see everything through her eyes and her experience. You definitely did right by choosing to write this story in first person.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hey, I'm here for the requested review!
"Shines in my eyes"? I think "to" is a better word than "in".
I think you should replace the comma with a question mark.
"... but I bottle it up, refusing to feel anything." or "... but I bottle it up and refuse to feel anything." makes much more sense a clause.
Type. "In them" instead of "int hem".
Rest assured, there's nothing wrong with this sentence. However, before we come to this part, Rionach has been referring her mother as "my mother", not "Mother". This sudden use of title is out of nowhere. I suggest you to be consistent and use either "my mother" or "Mother".
Again, there's nothing wrong with this sentence. But what is "it"? Rionach didn't say anything cluing the "it". I would guess "it" is "marriage" but I wouldn't know for sure. Instead of "it", just straight to "the marriage".
I like this sentence.
Uh, this is Isi speaking, so she can't be referring to herself. I think you mean to say "Rionach".
About the plot: Things are moving, there are some decision making, some interaction between Rionach and her sister. My problem with this chapter is that there's nothing really surprising or grabbing my attention except for Rionach's Mom's change of demeanor and even that is not too much. I suggest you to put it more drama, explore more Rionach's relationship with her sister to make this chapter has more delicious substances, you know. Apart from that, you have a nice writing style and pace.
Keep up the good work!
Hey there, yizhongt here to leave a review.
I really liked this piece you have written. The story flowed very nicely and I really like the character Rionach, even though this is my first time meeting her as I have not read the earlier chapters.
I have one little suggestion though, the first paragraph in my opinion should be made in the past tense. Somehow I felt wrong or out of place when I read it in the present tense. I keep having this need to change it to the past tense. That's just my little nitpick. Other than that, the story is really good. There are no spelling or grammar mistakes and you left the chapter off at a very interesting point. I'll be definitely be catching up on the previous chapters as well as the newer chapters.
That's all for now. Keep on writing !