Chapter 2
Still holding Nikolas’s arm, I weave through the crowd, watching my mother do the same from the other side of the room. Mother and I get there at the same time, exchanging glares. Prince Alexander bows to us, first greeting the queen, then myself. My mother inclines her head, and I curtsey, holding my skirt with one hand.
“We welcome you to Valkyr. Please, share in what we have.” My mother speaks in a carrying voice that echoes in the huge ballroom.
Prince Alexander nods his thanks. The silence in the room breaks as people start to speak again, relieved that the first meeting of faeries and vampires in centuries hasn’t ended in bloodshed. My mother and the head diplomat sweep through the mass of courtiers, heads bent in discussion.
Before I can move, Prince Alexander notices Nikolas and both hug. A moment later, Nikolas leaves after nodding to me, probably to find his sister. Meeting the prince’s eye, I say, “This way, Prince Alexander.” He smiles at me and offers me his arm, which I take.
“Please, call me Alexander, your highness.” His voice is smooth and rich.
I smile back, saying, “If I am to call you Alexander, you must call me Rionach.” As we walk, I notice one of the higher ranking vampire soldiers following us.
Spying a server carrying normal wine, I maneuver us towards him. Alexander says, “Will you be attending the council session tomorrow, Princess Rionach?”
I nod. “Yes, as princess heir, I do have to be there.” He keeps his smile, but for a moment, I notice some disdain in his eyes. Guessing what it is about, I ask, “Do you believe that a woman should not be the head of state, your highness?” I laugh a little at the end to take the sting out of the question.
Avoiding my question, he says, “Alexander, please.” I don’t speak, waiting for his answer, and finally, he speaks. “I wouldn’t say that a woman shouldn’t be the head of state- my mother was queen and ruled alongside my father for many years before she passed on.”
Taking a glass of wine, I hand it to him and reply, “Ah, but she ruled alongside your father, as queen-consort. Lysian hasn’t had a true queen with all the power of a king for centuries now.”
“Indeed, Princess Rionach, but the line passes through the male heirs for us.” His arm tenses, and I change the subject smoothly, to a topic we can agree upon.
“Do you look forward to your stay here, Alexander?” I glimpse Lord Nikolas’s blond head disappearing behind a tapestry and stare, intrigued.
“Of course, your highness. Both your country and your castle are the epitome of beauty, as are you.”
I laugh at the compliment, deftly taking us closer to the tapestry where Nikolas is. “Really, such flattery will go to my head.” The soldier from before is still following us, albeit with a very beautiful vampire in a purple dress on his arm. “But truly, I hope nothing goes amiss while you are here.” As I speak, I catch Captain Wyrson’s eye and tilt my head towards the vampire soldier. I watch him until he excuses himself from his company and goes to a nearby guard and return my attention to the vampire prince.
“Yes, it is rather amazing that our countries are getting along, isn’t it? Ever since that first war eons ago, faeries and vampires haven’t gotten along.”
I shrug. “I doubt centuries of hate and prejudice will disappear at once, but enough of this talk. We’ll surely end up speaking of it tomorrow.”
The musicians transition into a waltz, and taking my hint, Prince Alexander offers me his hand, saying, “Your highness, would you care to dance?” Smiling, we step onto the dance floor and join the other couples. He dances well, although lacking that innate grace that all faeries have.
As we dance, we chat about neutral things, like family achievements and tell tales of court. Soon, the dance ends, and I curtsey to him. Nikolas, out from behind the tapestry, catches my eye and walks into the garden. Excusing myself from Alexander, I start towards the garden, but somebody catches my arm. When I turn to look at whoever it is, I find Prince Blathen, leering at me. Feeling rather than seeing my mother’s cold gaze, I smile at him, although I’m sure it looks rather like I’m baring my teeth.
“Your highness, you look like a vision.” Blathen bends down to kiss my hand, and then leads me onto the dance floor without asking if I even wished to dance. “I am so glad you wore the necklace. I was afraid you wouldn’t like it.”
Cutting back the scathing comments that want to pour out of my mouth, I simply smile, and without lying, say, “What’s not to like?” He smiles back, and somehow, I manage not to flinch. Prince Blathen had never made a secret of his interest in me, and my mother was pushing for me to wed him. Even his four previous dead wives proved no hindrance for her. Wrenching my thoughts back to the present, I stumble, and nearly fall, as the doors swing open unannounced. The poor herald walks forward nervously, and announces the woman waiting impatiently behind.
“Her Majesty Arianna Viktoriya Irina Ainsdaughter, Queen of Erisek and-“ The herald hesitates before continuing, “ -the Pirate Queen.” Her red velvet dress opens in the front to reveal black leggings and leather boots laced up to her knees. Everything about her screams pirate, from her curly red hair to her pistol onl partly hidden at her waist. The room erupts into outraged murmurs as she glances over the room disinterested. Taking a goblet of wine, she rolls her eyes at the guards around her, and brushing them aside, daintily makes her way over to her brother, who now stands inside. Taking his arm, the siblings put their heads together, looking like fire and ice as they make their way back to the gardens. Nikolas shoots me a glance from across the room before disappearing, again.
When I glance at Blathen, his lip is curled, and he is entirely distracted. Taking full advantage of the distraction, I slip away from him, taking a roundabout way to the garden. When I finally step through the low gates without anyone following me, I sigh in relief. More of a maze than a garden, hedges grow on either side of the gates. Rosebushes fill the air with a sweet scent, and the fountains gleam gold. Braziers are lit here and there, and I pass moonlighting couples along the way. Guessing that Nikolas and Arianna would be at the center of the maze, I traipse down the path. The wind brushes at me, lifting a coil of dark hair from my neck and bringing the sweet scents of flowers with it. My suspicions are proven right, because when I get to the middle of the maze, an arm reaches out and pulls me into the hidden path that leads to the woods. I grip my dagger tightly, just in case.
“Ah, your highness, you made it.” Nikolas is completely at ease as he sits on a bench, eating a pastry with a glass of wine in his hand. Arianna, who’s still gripping my arm, lets go abruptly and steps back, looking me up and down. One of her hands is gone, replaced with a hook, a detail I missed in the ballroom. A flicker of recognition runs through me, but my memories of her are full of holes, like my memory has been wiped.
She looks at me worriedly. “Do you remember me?”
I answer candidly, seeing no need for flattery or niceties. “Bits and pieces. Did you wipe my memory?”
She shrugs. “I had no choice at the time. I hope you understand.” My grip on my dagger eases, and something makes me want to trust her.
I remain on edge, though, refusing to be taken off guard. “So what brings you here?”
“I’m sure Nikolas has told you. I’m here to offer you my help.” Leaning forward confidentially, she says, “And you can trust the captain of the guard, your highness. He’s just as beholden to duty as you are, but he sees that your mother isn’t making the right decisions for your country.”
Glaring at her, I say, “You have spies in the Guard?”
She shrugs, toying with a knife. With a smile on her face, she says, “I have spies everywhere, Rionach. For example, I know what even you do not; that your mother has been slowly poisoning your father for months now. Indeed, I’d be surprised if he makes it through the week.”
My eyes flash, and I clench my fists in anger. “How is it that no one else knows of this?” I want to defend my mother, but in my heart, I know that what Arianna says is true.
She shrugs, now looking sorry. “Your mother is skilled with poisons. Really, I only found out by a mere coincidence.”
Trying to put my father out of my mind, I say, “In the event that my father dies, I am princess heir and will be the one to take over, not my mother.”
Arianna responds with a mocking laugh. “You are not so foolish as to believe that. Your mother craves power- what makes you think she’ll give it up?” I seethe in cold silence, knowing every word of hers is right. More gently, she says, “I doubt even the strongest of thrallwine could curb your mother’s desire to rule. It is your duty to see that and prevent that from happening.”
I smile disdainfully at her. “What would you know about duty? You ran when your country needed you most.”
Her expression hardens, and she leans back, studying my face. “You have no idea what my circumstances were. Who knows? Perhaps I did the best thing for my country after all.”
I scoff, but don’t say anything. After a long pause, I ask, “Why should I trust you?”
She cocks an eyebrow. “Do you even have a choice? Should what I say come to pass, you will have no choice.”
“You have no good reason to help me. You are a queen in your own right; you have nothing to gain if I take the throne.”
Catching a petal the wind blows, Arianna says, “I am not a queen. I lost that right when I ran. And I have no desire to be queen. I simply need your help.”
I furrow my brow. “With what, exactly?”
A distant look comes over her face. “Someone I care about very much has been missing for quite a while. When you are queen of fae, you will know where he is.” She looks into my eyes, and I find myself believing her.
“This man is a faerie?”
She smiles at a memory, then nods slowly. “Half. But when you take the crown it should be enough for you to sense where he is.” For the first time, I see a flicker of uncertainty cross her face.
I nod, reassuring her. “When I take the throne, I should know, yes.” She breathes a sigh of relief.
“Is that enough for you to trust me and let me help you?” Picking a up a leather coat I hadn’t noticed, she puts it on and begins to walk to the palace.
Cautiously, I nod. “You can help me, but we’ll have to see about the trust.” I mean it as a joke, but she stops in her tracks and turns to look at me.
“Why do you put on that iron mask of yours, Ria? You don’t have to, you know.”
I meet her eyes, looking at her sadly. “I do have to, because if I let it out, the court will devour me, change me. My mother will turn me into the perfect daughter, obedient and witless. The only way I know to keep myself is to show the world something that cannot be read, something that cannot be changed.” Nodding my leave, I sweep past her, silver skirt trailing behind.
End of chapter
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'Roooooora!
I know, I know. I'm late. >.> Hopefully I'll be able to catch up on this. Slowly.
So, I really liked this chapter! I think the voice is much, much stronger here, and I settled into the narrative pretty well, too. I'm really liking most of the characters you've introduced here; they all settle as base-level individuals at this point, which works well, seeing as we'll see them evolve and get to know them as more three-dimensional characters. One thing I do feel slightly lacking is description--I don't want to know the hair and eye colours of each and every character we run into, but it's nice to have a vague image that settles with their character in my head. Like, with Blathen, I pictured him as a slight, wiry figure, not too tall, not bad-looking, but with these really pale, cold eyes. I also saw him with a strong nose and dark, thick eyebrows. Kind of like the gypsy from The Hunchback of Notre-Dame but with a lot of malice etched on every feature. He strikes me as shrewd, somehow, though these are just assumptions at this point.
I don't know what to make of Alexander, truly. He's enigmatic, but he's supposed to be that way. I picture him as graceful (though not by Rhionach's standards, obviously) and pretty regal-looking, perhaps also with darkish hair? I dunno why, but red hair really fits his image for me. It distinguishes him with clarity from all the other characters so far introduced. (Also, red hair reminds me of blood which is such a blatant connection to Alexander's vampire blood and--yeah, I'll stop now.)
So. Alexander--status: Surface-level. Looking forward to probing into his character. I'd also like some background on this apparently prolonged dispute between faeries and vampires. History lessons, booyah! It might be easier to fit those things in this particular part of the novel--upchuck that short chunk and get it over with. I think it'll allow for the element of conflict!resolved(?) to become more clearer in the reader's mind instead of focussing on lots of different things at once. The conflicts as explored so far:
1] Blathen and the Queen's support of him + his pursuing of Rhionach.
2] !! Rhionach and her mum's relationship//her father's condition//what Arianna has to offer her//her alliance.
3] !! Perhaps something to do with the vampire-faerie relations?
I think (3) could do with some more fleshing out. At this point, we've barely run our fingers over it, and the ease with which the vampire/faerie interaction went--rather than the frigidity one would anticipate--was sort of unrealistic. The atmosphere was told to the reader to be tense, but I couldn't really feel it.
BUT THE MEETING'S ONLY JUST BEGUN. D: How can they kill each other before they've barely started talking besides greetings and managed to disagree on anything?
*cheers quietly for backstory*
Another thing! So if there's a vampire kingdom, and a faerie kingdom, then is Erisek a human kingdom? Only this might get a tad confusing, so maybe the geography of places should be a little explained--nothing info-dumpish, but just something to go by.
I liked how you inserted the mention of Rhionach's sister in the last chapter, but it was very fleeting and Rionach's attention was shifted weeell away from her for the rest of the night. Maybe insert a couple more snippets about her; I'd've thought she'd be expected to greet the vampire nobility, too, and I'd like to see her reaction to Arianna. Also, what is Kerissa's relationship with the Queen like? Is it like Rionach's? I know in Chapter 3, Rionach mentions that she doesn't really know her sister all that well now, but she obviously cares for her and I'm wondering ... does the Queen treat both her daughters differently? Does she love one more than the other/is she indifferent to both of them, aside from training them to submit to her every demand? I think it's these relationships, and subtle insertions of their history, that could flesh the characters out a great deal.
Arianna is awesome and I adore her. Quick question: If Nikolas is her brother, shouldn't he be Prince of Erisek? And who's going to ascend the throne if Arianna's abdicated her position as ruler? Does the throne only pass from female to female? I was also slightly surprised when Arianna allowed herself to be introduced as Queen of Erisek--I'd have expected her to deny that in front of everyone, a gutsy pirate as I pictured her. This leads to another thing, I guess--was the abdication formal or is it not set in stone yet? If it's not set in stone, despite Arianna's saying it is, then wouldn't there be a pressure on her to return to the castle? And wouldn't she avoid coming to balls and the like with the title still applying to her? I don't know--I think the situation she's left behind is largely confusing and it'd help if Rhianoch drilled some details out of her--via dialogue, of course--because then it'd be engaging + make things tons clearer.
Your pacing is fantastic. The only thing I'd ask for is more character interaction with the surroundings, and perhaps a better view of the setting. I loved loved loved the way you described the rose garden, and it'd do wonderful things for the groundedness of your world to dive a little into worldbuilding things.
Things are getting exciting! I'll try to get to the next chapter as soon as I can.
Hope this helped~
Cheers!
~Pomp<3
Also I am now shipping Nikolas and Rhionach together and I will call them Nikonach yay*haha*
Ari is here because of pressing, pressing circumstances in which she has to talk to Rionach.
I figured! But I'd expected her entrance to be, uh, more secretive? Dunno how plausible that is, but >.>
I think she's my favourite out of all your characters so far. XD
I love her, too. And I didn't set Ria up to be very likeable, so I can see why you think that.
Hello! I really liked this chapter, and you should know that I have not read the previous one.
The story progresses very well. The transitions between scenes are great. The dialogue could use a little bit of work, but overall it is good.
What I wanted to point out was that in "We chat about neutral things." you actually skip an opportunity for dialogue. You simply tell us that they chatted, and that they said a few things during the dance, but a conversation never takes place. Instead, it is skipped, and we just move on to the next bit. "Chat about neutral things" could be anything. You could have turned it into a humorous conversation, or a funny rant, or you could have given up something important to the story, or a hint of things to come. And, no matter what you made them talk about, they still would have developed as characters. We would still have seen their views on the world, their feelings, their emotions. All I am saying is that it is an amazing opportunity to write something great.
As for the whole vampire thing, you portrayed them as very similar to humans, and I like that a lot, because they are just as normal-looking to each other as humans are to other humans.
I hope my review helps you, and that you carry on with your great writing.
Hey! I'm here to review for Review Day!
First of all, I want to say I like this story. I like the characters - Rionach, Alexander, and Arianna are interesting. Especially Alexander, in my opinion. I think he has many mysteries with him. We haven't seen his view regarding woman taking control as a head clearly. Right now, we are content with his statement about her mother being as queen who helps his father.
Arianna, to me, is becoming the badass female character. She is the ex-queen of the pirates, she has some history with our main character, Rionach, and has the ability to wipe Rionach's memories, which is something entirely new for a pirate. And then there's the man she is looking for which is half fae. I'm not sure what's the deal between fae and pirates for Rionach to look surprised like that.
Lastly, Rionach. Her character is interesting but what catches my intention the most is the ending.
It speaks volume of her character. I hope there are more showing moments to emphasize her character, and I think she and Alexander would make for a cute couple (oh yes, I have wore my shipping google). I am pretty sure there would be conflicting ideas between the two which would make the story a bit more enjoyable.
Overall, I think the story is going somewhere right now, it has its own path and pace, and I like the idea of royalties. Regarding grammar and word structure, I'm afraid I can't touch on them since I'm on phone (which makes quoting a tiresome job) but there should not be any glaring errors (or any errors) from my single read. Keep up the good job!