Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

Anyway let's get right to it,

We walk among you.

Voltages - that's what the ancient Indians called our species. Human-like creatures with control over elements of nature: fire, wind, water, storms, light...

There is a mark on our forearms, the branding of our kind, in the shape of an object symbolizing our power. Mine...lightning. There's a bolt straight across my wrist, blue as if inked.

Most of us grow up in the shelter of the Elders - the immortal Voltages - and are separated into groups of five or six to create a dream team, in a sense. Then we're sent out, either looking for Shadows - those of us who have been stuck in the dark, left to discover and handle their powers in the real world - or for Hiddens - the rebels.

What we don't know is how to tell them apart...

Seems legit enough, though it's hard to gather too big of an expression from such a short piece. This does seem more of a summary you'd find on the back of the book instead of a prologue though. At least I wouldn't really use this as a prologue, as it's too straight forward. You're stating facts that you think will help us get the plot and the world better, but instead of showing this to us in an interesting way, you just smack it into our faces.

Try going for some sort of a scene in which all of this is described and showed to us without it seeming as obvious. As I said, this could go well as a back cover text. As for the plot itself, your idea seems interesting, but I'll have to read more to see where this'll go´(you'll notice I use 'seems' a lot, as there's not much to analyze here, so I have to assume some things, which might be completely wrong ).

Oh, and I have the same problem as you; I've started like six or seven different novels and gotten bored of each one But yeah, I'll check back at some point to see where this has gone - make it into something great!

|Life|

I would definately be interested in reading more of this. You really should try to finish this one!

Okay, I'm here to review your prologue and also to force you to tell me when the first chapter comes out, because I'm hooked. I love your first sentence and am jealous of it because I am awful at first sentences. My only critiques are that it's short, which can be a good thing, and it does a bit too much telling rather than showing, which is really easy to do, especially in an introduction.
Something you could do to avoid this is, in the third paragraph, you could describe the mark on the MC's (you haven't told us the gender yet, which is okay but make sure to tell us soon because that's kind of important) forearm before you describe what it means or something. Oh, and maybe a bit too many ...s for such a tiny space, but that might be your writing style, in which case it's cool. It's your story, so it's okay if you don't change any of these things, since it's just my opinion here.
PM me when you get the next part out please, because I really liked this, and I like the title too (another thing I have trouble with) so good job with that. Hope this helped!