I yank the kid's wrist away from his chest and run my fingers over the marking, trying to get a read on it. The rain has temporarily stopped, whoever the cause of it at peace.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing comes of it.
Footsteps sound behind us and I let go, turning to find Chandler and the others. Grace hurries up to them and whispers what I hope is an explanation. The boy squirms on the dumpster, clutching his shoulder, and glances between the group and I.
"We don't have much time to get back to the alley." He says. "Ronan, you're in charge of the kid."
I nod and help him down, following the others out of the area. Grace falls behind and takes my side again, our hands briefly brushing. My eyes dart towards her for a split second before resetting on the road ahead.
"We'll get you cleaned up soon." She tells him. "What's your name?"
"Daniel." He replies. "But I go by Danny."
"And how old are you?"
"Thirteen."
"I'm Grace and this is Ronan." She points as she speaks. "That's Chandler, Kelsey, and Tait. You're in good hands now."
The alleyway comes back into view and we reclaim our spots under the fire escape, the boy looking awkward.
"C'mere, kid." Kelsey motions him over, scooting so that he can sit beside her. "Let me see your shoulder."
He hesitates before sitting at her side, prying his fingers from the slice in his skin. Examining it, she rips a part of Chandler's sleeve of and uses it to dress the wound.
"Excuse me?" Chandler looks at her. "What the hell?"
"Oh shut up. It's not like you'll miss it." She rolls her eyes.
He playfully hits her and she hits him back. Sighing, I shake my head and lean against the brick behind me. My eyes close and I allow my excess power to send warmth through my veins. Thunder crackles above and I take a deep breath, wondering how much rest we would get this time.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Branded and Scarred (Chapter Four)Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,521 Literary Works • 672,597 Reviews
Double I for the review, as promised.
As all your writing, this is very good indeed, however, there is, again a lamentable lack of description, but that can be added with just a few sentences in the right place.
Also, I agree with sheepdude up there - nothing much happens in this chapter at all, I recommend adding it to the second chapter. I also agree with sheepdude when I say that you placed periods instead of commas in /all/ your chapters. It seems it's not only me.
Hope this helped, even though it wasn't much, granted,
yours truly
try reading this and maybe it will make more sense than my post x)
http://youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopi ... 51&t=44898
This is a really short chapter in my opinion and nothing really happens. This could probabably be taped together with the next part of your novel because on it's own it doesn't really have much substance. Basically the only thing we learn is the kid's name and that they don't know what the marking is.
I should have mentioned this earlier in your story, but you are making some dialogue punctuation errors. Not really a big deal, but it's best to learn the right way before you keep making the same mistake.
For example, this line
"We don't have much time to get back to the alley." He says. "Ronan, you're in charge of the kid."
should be written like "We don't have much time to get back to the alley," he says. "Ronan, you're in charge of the kid."
Basically, you are using periods instead of commas. The dialogue tag (he said, she said) should be linked to the quotation, not a separate sentence on its own. It's a little difficult to explain, but I'll see if I can find something that can teach it better.
Keep writing!
I really like this chapter. There's not much going on, but that's good because it gives us time to get to know the characters better. That being sad, I wish there was a bit more detail about characters' reactions and attitudes if that makes sense, especially about Danny and the main character. Other than that, it's a wonderful chapter and I can't wait to read the next. Thanks.