If only you were here (Edited)

Hey there!

FIRST OF ALL never ever ever diss your own work.
After all, they say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I find this to ring true particularly in the writing world.
Now onto the poem itself.
I will be critical, but bear in mind it's all meant to be constructive, not to insult or offend.

Firstly, I find that this is fairly ambiguous as a poem---What I mean is this: read the poem as though you hadn't written it and this is your first time seeing it. Now tell me, if you didn't write it, would you think that person was dead or just out of their life? Hard to tell for me. This isn't a bad thing. It just may have been unintentional ambiguity.
"But it's to late for that" should say too instead of to. Minor fix.
The idea of the poem itself is very touching. To think that you once had something beautiful, but lost it, is very heart wrenching for those that have been through that very experience. I myself found myself hurting a bit at this poem.
Lastly, I wanted to say that this poem is a lot like my own writing style--straightforward. I find that your word choice is a lot like mine too.
Anyway, i enjoyed this very much.
Keep writing.
Sincerely,

~ Midnight

Hey, it's Codayy here with a review. Since I found this on the literary spotlight, I think a quick little review would be good for this poem.

Now, like others have stated, your use of of prose is interesting. While one previous reviewer suggested to break the poem into stanzas, I will suggest an alternative route. This yearning for closeness you tell in your poem could be supported by the sentences not being broken up. I believed this was your aim, but the meaning either got debunked or was not properly shown due to the ending. I would think the moment of separation would be a moment where the text would be broken up, but it doesn't, thus contradicting my theory.

I like the repetition in the first five sentences. This could be interpreted as stability once acquired in the past and the change in the structure also mentions the change in relationship. I find that really cool, honestly.

The superficiality and blandness of the topic hurts this poem in my opinion. The language you use lacks substance and your theme doesn't dive into anything truly new. The poem could be summarized as a longing for someone who the person and wants to make amends even though it is too late. Outside of the structure, I can't think of anything unique given in a poem even though the work itself isn't plagiarism.

The reason I'm harsh with this critique is because this problem becomes fun when fixing it. The result is sincere and gives us a better taste of yourself. There are multiple different but correct answers to make this poem shine:

1. Maybe there's particular instance or object that you can use to connect with feeling have. Metaphors are the easiest and most prevalent in poems. For example childhood is trait that many adults but can't have back which is a similar emotion you feel even if it's a different story.

2. Maybe you could expand on your feelings so each stanza become their own pieces of work into one giant work.Why do you feel close to this person. What made them leave the narrator? These rambling could strengthen the feeling of regret since you consider every moment you've wronged to the point where you could remember everything and feel sick about it.

3. Maybe you could make you theme more focused so you could support how you feel with that theme. This can contradict possibility two, but both could be used to accomplish a similar result. Instead of talking about how you feel remorseful of your choices and the closeness and eventual distance between the narrator and romantic interest, you could pick one and expand on just that instead. Conciseness could help locate a central theme in a poem.

Of course, all this comes down to is practice. The incorporation of these suggestions leads down a difficult road, but trying them is a step forward, and once you try them, more specific analysis can be formed. I say you a long ways to go, but the journey of self-improvement is a memorable. I hope I helped!

Hello, E.E for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.
To get started, the first thing I notice is the format. I find it rather odd too have the poem organized this way but hey, if that how you would like to style it, who am I to interfere with the choice? A good place to put a comma would be after "I wouldn't take you for granted" it might add more spice or oomph to the line. I did notice a spelling mistake and that would be "carless" I believe you meant careless. Being carless would mean not having a car! Otherwise I did not notice anything else grammar or spelling wise. The flow was excellent, by the way. There wee no problems what so ever with it.
Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can't get its meaning right. So, in your poem you are talking about how you wish you had your former lover with you at that moment. You know you made a few mistakes and you want to fix them, to get the person you love the most back. You know that you took them for granted and that you lied to them countless times but you want to try again. To give it another shot. But it won't work. they don't trust you anymore an all you can do is hope, running through the memories that the two of you had made together once upon a time.
Overall, I did like the poem and keep up the good work! Happy halloween! I need to go now, Grim has some more dead to reap and I ran out of cocoa for him.

Hey there! It's Lupa with a lovely review. Let's get to it!

1) So, it's interesting that you're putting your poem in paragraph form. This type of poem actually exists--it's called prose poetry, and you do a wonderful job with it. That being said, it flows really well, so kudos to you.

2) There are a couple of spelling mistakes, nothing big:

I would promise you that I'd be more patient and less carless. But it's to late for that.

The poem expresses the mood very well. It just needs to be displayed like poetry and not prose. So in order to distance it from prose, we need to display it in the typical poetical way with line breaks and stanzas. Also, assonance and alliteration would further separate it from prose but I leave that up to you.

With that in mind we might try display it something like this:

If only you were here,

I would hold you closely,
Never let you go. Never take you for granted
As I did too many times before.
I'd convince you we could start over.

If only it were only that simple.

I’d promise to be more patient and less careless.

But it's [too] late for that now.
I can't go back and change things.

So all I can do is think,

If only you were here


Difference between prose and poetry:
http://www.differencebetween.net/langua ... and-prose/

Thanks for sharing this very poignant poem.