Young Writers Society

Hello! This is a cool poem and I really like it.
In my opinion any story with ghosts in it is a good story so I might be a bit biased.
I like the use of imagery like when you say "a lingering presence appears, a spirit moans in sorrowful tears".
My favourite line is definitely the last line "pray for it, for it needs prayer the most". It is bittersweet and finishes the poem off really well.

Some of the poem is a bit choppy and a few of the lines could have been changed slightly but overall it was good.

Hello there and happy RevMo (even if I am a bit late to the reviewing party)! You have the honor of being my Fiftieth RevMo Review, as chosen by the auspices of random Kays clicking, so rejoice!

With that said, the first thing I noticed about this piece is that you start every line capitalized and end every line with punctuation. Now, contrary to what you may have been told, poems do not have to have the first letter of every line capitalized, nor does the end of every line need to end in some form of punctuation. For the most part, modern poetry follows the same conventions for capitalization and punctuation as in regular prose writing.

As a matter of fact, all the excessive punctuation in this disrupts the flow of the poem, breaking up sentences into fragments that make little sense on its own.

You might be surprised what a difference removing all that punctuation will make to how you view the poem compared to how it is now, and I encourage you to play around with capitalization and punctuation a bit more to get a feel for how it affects your poem.

I also think that this poem is a bit stifled by its rhyme, especially since you wind up breaking the rhyme in several places. Something you might want to try is rewriting this piece without a rhyme and focusing instead on showing us the haunting.

On a side note, you contradict things within this piece a few times, particularly when it comes whether or not the ghost is a ghost or not. If no one knows if it's a soul, then how is it a ghost, and why should they pray for it?

It seemed to me that these contradictions arose from you trying to use words that rhymed, and so I feel its another reason you should give this poem another go without rhyming.

Carly here:
"Pray for it, for it needs prayers the most".very creative line, and my favourite line of all. I was thought in dramatic literature not to condemn any work of art, every work of art deserves an appreciation, that's why I like to state my favourite parts first before I dive into other things..

*** An old story passed through the young.
An urban legend told by innocent tongue.***

From this stanza, the lines became too stuffy (for me). you gave your poem a format, SD couldn't keep up to it. When you start a poem a certain way, and have a certain rhyme scheme, it's never really is advisable to start drifting away from that pattern. Especially when the initial part was all catchy, then it switches, they get bored.

Imagery, there was little of it..I don't if it was just me, but after those first 4 parts, the whole story became bleak . So I'll suggest you work more on showing. There is an article about it in the article section of literary work...it's really helpful, you should check it out.

Generally, you did well!

Hello! DragonNoir here for a review!

I'll start with the nitpicks and I'll give my overall opinion later in this review.

"Right in the middle of nowhere.
In a place surrounded by cold air."
Ok, first of all, you don't need to put a full stop at the end of every line. It's really not necessary and it kind of kills the flow.

"An abandoned house there was.
Dark memories were left from the past."
'Was' and 'Past' don't rhyme. If you're going to have a rhyming scheme, make sure it applies to the entire poem.

"Haunted- as they say the house is."
A comma would've had more effect than a dash, in my opinion.


Ok, now that's all the nitpicks, onto general comments!

Although I personally loathe horror with a burning passion, I must say: you've taken an interesting spin. I understand that the genres picked are Dramatic and Fantasy, but that's basically what horror is lol. Anyway, the idea here is quite interesting. The structure isn't too bad, either. However, your rhyming scheme is quite irregular, which makes reading slightly uncomfortable - unless that's intentional, of course. In my opinion, rhyming is harder than meter, so that's why I suggest you try getting fluent with meter before you start rhyming. A poem without rhyme but with meter is basically a song without music, and it'll be interesting what you'll come up with, whether you choose to take my advice or not.

Overall, an interesting, good poem. However, it'd be useful to try and build up confidence with easier poetic devices like meter.
I hope my review helped!

Hello and welcome to YWS Temptress!!! Congrats on posting your first work!!!

This is an interesting poem, I liked how you described the ghost, it's more of an idea than a solid presence. It doesn't really hurt people either, it simply is. It's an approach to ghost-hood that you don't see all that often.

A small critique, you seem to break the rhyming pattern you have going on in a few places. You will have a few stanzas that rhyme, and then break it for seemingly no reason and it kinda throws off the rhythm and takes the reader out of the story you are writing. I don't know if you breaking away from the pattern was intentional or not, but if it was you might want to make it more apparent that you are breaking the pattern for a reason.

I hoped this helped!
-Alice