It was as icy and smooth as the handle of the blade
It smelt like a stiff lifeless chilled body
It looked like the deep dark crimson pool of blood
It sounded like the crunching of bones and cartilage
And tasted as sweet as revenge.
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Canary word: Present
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128,230 Literary Works • 671,489 Reviews
Oh My Gosh! It's so alive! I can feel it, see it, hear it, smell, it AND TASTE IT. It's on the tip of my tongue. I love poetry that describes something that can't be seen or touched. I love the part where it says 'It smelt like a stiff lifeless chilled body' You know I've never smelt one? I'm not sure if I want to... Well Good writing! I can't wait to read more of your writing! Keep Writing!
~Tori~
Um...What? Don't get me wrong, this is a very good poem but it confuses me a bit.
Even so, looking at it from a professional view, this is a short and ominous poem. It has a good flow to it and is definitely something to read.
Professional mode:off.
Who? What? When? Where? and above all, WHY?!
It has no grammatical errors or anything like that so really I'm just rambling to reach that 250 character mark.
...Don't look at me like that, I have stories to post too.
Hope to see more work in the future.
Thanks
Hey, It's Brittany. Superhero of reviews. ( silly me )
First, great details. Awesome pictures you present in your words! It's horrible and scary, but that's not all bad. I tend to stick to feelings when i am doing poems. It helps to present myself & my feelings in my work.
Second, I love the part that compares the candy to a knife and a "chilled body". Awesome.
"And tasted as sweet as revenge."
- tasted sweet as revenge is a good sentence. good details and words.
Keep it up.! A+ c;
A Awesome Thanks
Hey! SecreteJournalist here to review. If I have not introduced myself to you, do feel free to call me Brie if you choose. I am going to split this Into two parts.
First off, the likes/great parts of the poem)
1) For such a short poem, there is a good description. I like the idea, it's a way of zest I suppose, rather dramatic and leaving you to want to read so much more of the poem.
2) I do think that the poem is a perfect length. It leaves a good, mysterious ending that let's the mind wander.
3) The description is pretty good, it gives you hints but without exposing what's going on.
Second off, and finally... The dislikes/suggestions.
1)I do agree with FireLasair, a Handel would not feel smooth and icy. I think you mean the blade?
2)You repeat 'it' in every line except the last line. That leaves the poem kinda a bother.. Especially if you are OCD like me. Try substituting the word 'it' for a few lines.
3)A dagger spelling like decaying bodies.. Shouldn't not be emphasized as happy, most people cherish their daggers.
I hope you take so e of my suggestions! It's a good poem, and with some fixing up, it will be perfect. Keep writing, I will keep reading and reviewing(:
Sincerely,
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie
Thanks it will help