Sleep is a inevitable,
And one day so is not waking up,
So live life awake,
And not day dreaming.
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139,349 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Very good! definitely so true!(:
Wow. That is basically all I can say. That is probably one of the most powerful poems I have ever read. It was beautifully true and genuine. It may actually be my favorite poem and that is saying something because my other favorite was by Edgar Allan Poe. This poem sent a very powerful message about life and I very much enjoyed it. The comparison to sleep and death was also very intriguing. That was an amazing poem.
Thank you so much you just made my day
Hello hopeless here to give you a review!!
So first off this is a short but really good poem. I like it! I see nothing I need or want to fix about it, it's to the point and cute. It has a great meaning in it. Sorry this is short, but that's all I needed to say about it..
Keep writing and stay beautiful!!!
~hopeless03
Hello, this is really great, and the rhythm has been improved since I last heard it.
This is a perfect length, as, as one of those "life guidance" poems, it needs to be short enough to be easy to remember.
The message is very clear and powerful, and it is reasonably self explanatory. Although I do like sleeping.
The alliteration in the third line is very powerful, especially as it is mirrored in the las line with another alliteration.
The only piece of criticism is that I think there should be either a full stop or semi colon (or even a colon) after "waking up", as it would help make the division clearer in rhythm.
Hope This Helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Short, simple, and sweet. I liked this poem because of this, but I would have to disagree, as I feel that day dreaming is what has kept this world alive and allowed it to grow so much. All of the famous inventors, business men, heroes; they all day dreamed, and that was what allowed them to go through the long run and make it to the finish.
This line is all right, but, the "a" should either be "an" which would preserve the same meaning but make it grammatically correct and flow better, or "the" which would lend a more powerful affect to the word inevitable, and the fact that sleep will always happen.
This line does not flow so well. I would suggest breaking it up into two separate lines, which would make it,
"And one day,
So is not waking up."
This would make it more poetic, in my opinion, add that little bit of stress to each line so that there is more emotion behind it, and the poem would not only be one line longer, which is always good, but it would also flow.
I do not have any nitpicks for this line, as it is wonderful and definitely portrays your message well, though, I would add a comma after "life" as this would make the sentence structure more correct, and, again, lend more emotion to it with that slight pause right before "awake."
This line is okay, but it is not great. It does not pop out, or have power behind it, as the language is just explanatory. I would write it, "Not in dreaming all day." This breaks up the "and then...and then...and then" structure that we humans tend to veer towards so often, and, though it would not be using any superfluous (love that word) language, it is still poetic, and would be a good note to end on. But that's just my suggestion and you could write it a thousand different ways, so don't feel like you have to take it all to heart and change it.
Overall, it was a well rounded piece of poetry.
Thank you TGS!
Thank you this is really helpful. Thank you, I am now following you
( I love the word superfluous to).
Lol, I love that word to
This is so amazing! I literally cannot offer constructive criticism for this! It's so good!
-CFG
Thank