An Arctic fox prowls through the drifts,
Searching, ever searching, for prey that isn't there.
The steady snores of the hibernating bears,
Are muffled by this strange land's dwellers.
This lonely world of white
The once friendly otters are now gone,
Never to return until the first rays of Spring.
A once lovely rose closes her gray withering petals,
Forbidding every and all creature from disturbing her eternal rest.
This lonely world of white.
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139,504 Literary Works • 672,591 Reviews
Wow, this is really nice! I wish I had more time to review this! After taunting me with this, you better join the competition now!
I'm glad you liked it.
Hallo, love! Pardon me if I repeat anything other reviewers have said, as I've not read that far down. I'm just here for the poem today!
I have to say, I do enjoy your first two lines - enjoy them, but don't like them as a hook. I had to read through the poem and start reading again before it really interested me. They may work as a hook for some people, and I know it's really hard to change the very first lines, but the noun "drifts" for some reason makes my attention drift away. It doesn't feel very compelling, and I'd like to see a bit of work done in that area. If they weren't supposed to be a hook, that would be an awesome set of lines - for, perhaps, the end of a first stanza.
I'm just going to cover my pedantics in one fell swoop: There shouldn't be a comma after "bears"; there should probably be a full stop after the first "This lonely world of white"; in my (personal) opinion, "once-friendly" and "once-lovely" look better hyphenated (stylistic, of course); it should probably be "each and every" instead of "every and all", as the latter is an intense case of third-degree redundancy; and after "gray", there should be a comma.
Also, I don't like the phrasing "never... until". It's not my cup of tea - if they're *never* to return, then they don't. Ever. If they don't return *until*, then they're returning, so Never doesn't apply. I know it's a poetic device, but it throws me off a bit, and perhaps "Not" would be better in its place. The capitalisation of Spring is a bit off-putting as well; I know it's just you wanting to put it across as some omnipresent Force, but no other words are capitalised so randomly, so it just feels out of place and would, aesthetically, be better suited as lowercase.
I do like your imagery and your repetition of "This lonely world of white"; however, I think a bit of care and affection in editing is what this poem could definitely use - I hope to see more from you in the future, most definitely!
Thank you, I appreciate it. It really helps.
Thank you, I appreciate it. It really helps.
Thank you, I appreciate it. It really helps.
Thank you, I appreciate it. It really helps.
Thank you, I appreciate it. It really helps.
Thank you, I appreciate it. It really helps.
Thank you, I appreciate it. It really helps.
Ermigosh O_o
Apologies. Don't know what happened here.
Hello swiftfurthewarrior!
I'm hanorah and I'll be reviewing your poem today!
Might I just say well done,I love this poem,it was so short and simple, yet very effective.
I can tell that you must have looked over your poem thoroughly as I cannot see any mistakes here!!
Since the descriptions in this poem were so good and I cannot fault it, I would give it a 10/10
Well done!And you've only been here for less than a month?Welcome!
~keep writing
Hello! This poem is great and really effective! It created a really vivid image of this lonely landscape and of the fox. You can tell that you spent time crafting your poem as there are no mistakes as far as I can see! The punctuation is good, the imagery and descriptions are great so yeah, what more can I say!
Well done! Woo hoo!
tiggpanda145
Thank you.
it is a nice short poem, lot of creativity in it. the wild journey u r displaying over here is nice. the poem is nicely written, u hv introduced grt vocab section. the length doesnt matter, matters most is the creativity and emotions. i am glad that u brought in goood emotions inside ur stuff.
overall, nice n sweet capsuled form of work. keep writing.
This seems like a very thought out poem! The words you use create a beautiful picture in my head. I feel cold just reading it! I especially liked the line 'searching, ever searching, for prey that isn't there'. I can easily picture the fox roaming the arctic.
Overall, I thought this poem had a good 'flow'. My problem, though, is that the last lines of each stanza seemed to disrupt the flow that the earlier lines start. The word 'inhabitants' seems to cause this, but the line its in is overall very good.
This was a very good poem and I can't wait to read your other works!
Thanks, I appreciate the suggestions.