Playing with faults

Your poem was a breath of fresh air in a world where symbolism is fit into the boxes of the confining literal.

While reading this I could see him and you-- him so small and fragile to be facing the world as you know it to be, and you, protecting him from whatever it is that you see when you look out into the world and when you look into your own life and past.

The love you feel for him is so keenly felt, almost painfully so, in every line of this work. Your need to keep him safe, and even the way you hold him in your arms can be seen coming to life as the words take shape in the reader's mind.

It is beautiful, one of the most truly poetic things that I have read, and I read a lot.

I generally prefer to leave some constructive criticism because it can be frustrating when you receive none and know that a work isn't at its full potential, but in all honesty I wouldn't change a word.

You have a gift.

Keep writing, the world needs more of your words.

I really enjoyed this poem! I think the fact that you only capitalized the beginning of an actual sentence was nice. Just at the end "I scoop up the ashes of my campfire childhood, Braid it into the curls of his hair, Squaring my arms..." The words "Braid" and "Squaring" should not be capitalized, following the format of the beginning of the poem. I love everything about the poem - the visualization, the imagery, and the mystery. It leaves so much to be figured out. I love the terms "campfire childhood" and "the curve of my apologies". Thanks for writing!

Hello!
First off, I disagree with the previous reviewer:
It is totally fine to not capitalize every line. It's 100% up to the poet what they want to do with capitalization. Some don't capitalize anything at all. Some (like most of my own poems) only capitalize when regular grammar for prose calls for it. Others do capitalize every like. It's all up to what you want to do. It is generally nice to be consistent about it, however, unless there's some specific reason not to be consistent. c: So I guess that's the first thing I'll mention that you should perhaps improve on. Your capitalization isn't consistent one way or the other, and I don't really see a reason it should be that way. It's an easy enough fix. ^^

The punctuation at times is also a little off. I think you you look through this carefully, you'll be able to catch most of the parts where you need another comma or end punctuation, but let me know if you need help.

Also, I think this poem was a perfectly fine length. Again, it's completely up to you how long you want to make your poem, but honestly, I believe that you keep people's attention more when the poem is on the shorter side. People's attention spans are getting shorter and shorter, I swear. I think this was a good length for your poem. You seemed to get all the things in there that you needed to, all the emotions and images. Good job on those by the way. You definitely told an understandable story.

I'm guessing this is about a very small, sick child, who will die soon or something. If that's not it, that's okay! That's just what I'm getting out of this, and that picture created some very bittersweet moments in this poem.

So you have some nice images, but some of them are a little cliche and a couple wordings are a little off.
This was the only one that really bothered me enough to mention.

He swims in the barrier reef of my play like a fish,

Hello Harry here for a review.
First lets get to the bad part of this poem, don't take it the wrong way if you think I am being rude. First off this poem is really short, try making it longer with more detail and more information with what is going on. I also noticed that each word on the left side is not capitalized. Most poems on the left side after each enter is capitalized even when it is not the end of the sentence.
Also I noticed this part of the poem didn't make sense to me, (I scoop up the ashes of my campfire childhood

Braid it into the curls of his hair,) what are you trying to say here? first you talk about scooping up the ashes of your campfire from your childhood. But you can't braid ashes into hair, it would fall off and just make it look bad. I am also wondering about your title, I am not positive but it don't seem like it makes sense with what your saying in the poem. But I am finished with the bad lets go to the good stuff. Your poem spoke in the eyes of the victim and most poems do that.( My language makes “I’m sorry” and “I love you” share the same room,

I’m never sure which one I’m waking up,

who will greet me with bedhead and a sleepy smile, asking for pancakes.

His body swims in the ocean of my love.

He swims in the barrier reef of my play like a fish,

I scoop up the ashes of my campfire childhood

Braid it into the curls of his hair,

Squaring my arms around him in a hug.) Good job on this part you allow the reader feel like they are the character. You look like you spent a lot of time working on this part of the poem and I phrase that you allow the story to awaken to a new beginning.
Great Job And Happy Writing!