z

Young Writers Society



MTOHS - Chapter 2.2

by SpiritedWolfe


Word Count: 2088

I nodded and tried to scrub through the footage to find as much information as I could, but the quality was so poor that I couldn’t make out any features on anyone’s masks. Not that they would have had any distinguishing marks when they were trying to blend into that rally. But why did the two people chase the rally leader? Who were they?

“What does this have to do with the woman I’m supposed to interrogate?” I said as I steeled my resolve to do everything my power to catch these terrorists.

“I don’t know much,” he said, swerving the car yet again. “I’m just the chauffer since I had to drag your ass out of bed when you didn’t answer any of my calls. You’ll be able to talk to Forber when we get there.” I wanted to retort but decided against agitating William more. That just left me with scrolling through some of the other files.

The folder containing information about Margaret Boyd was sparse, but it contained a brief report detailing her arrest and even a few medical records? That was an odd detail to include, especially for an interrogation. The arrest report detailed that she was caught less than a block away, trying to flee the scene of the agent’s deaths. She was especially uncooperative when questioned, offering nothing particularly important to the investigation.

I decided to glance over the medical records and saw that she was currently in remission after having extensive cancer treatment. There was special attention directed to the fact that her cancer had been diagnosed late, and the tumors seemed to be particularly aggressive. Miraculously, she had recovered almost completely within a week of her diagnosis, being declared cancer-free. I tried to wrap my head around all this without questioning the legality of prying into her medical history.

By now, we had been driving over ten minutes, and William finally switched his siren off. We were approaching a section of the city that was mostly devoted to large warehouses and factories that had been engulfed when the city was rapidly expanding. I saw that the road we were driving down was blocked off by other police cars, but there was just a tired looking officer standing by his parked car.

After another minute or two, William was able to pass the office, maneuver his car down the rest of the road until we were completely blocked by a mass of other cars. All of them were in front of an enormous warehouse, and they were positioned to be as close to an obscure alleyway as possible. There was a huge amount of commotion as people sprinted back and forth between vehicles, from one building to the alley back to another building.

William stepped out of the car and without hesitation started walking towards the warehouse. I had no choice but to follow.

Forber stood at the bottom of the warehouse’s stairs with a mixed group of agents and crime scene investigators around him. He wore a thin yellow jacket with the letters D.A.I. inscribed in the back, which I found a bit amusing. As the director and founder, he was the face of the D.A.I, and that face was currently red and scowling. He was barking an order at a senior agent as he noticed William and me walking up.

“Axaili! What took you so long?” he yelled. He didn’t pause to let me respond before he said, “Never mind that, you got the briefs? You know the drill? Good, Boyd’s by the paramedics with Agent Fletcher. Find out what you can about the runners and get back to me. Get going.” He waved his hand dismissively towards the left, and I saw an ambulance with its lights blaring just a few feet away.

I gave a nod to William, who started after me, but Forber called to him. “Mr. Vanet, I need to talk to you about the chip in Miller’s vest.” Knowing that William would be caught up for a while and not wanting to test Forber’s patience right now, I went on my way without him.

My body shivered as I walked, no matter how hard I tried to steel my nerves and betraying the anxiety coursing through me. This was not my first time questioning a witness, but the with the stakes raised significantly, I couldn’t help but feel as if the odds of us finding the perpetrators rested on me.

After a very short walk, I nearly ran into a paramedic rushing to the side of the ambulance. He gave me an annoyed look but took a glance at my uniform and said, “Oh, you’re the interrogator.”

“Uh, yeah,” I muttered. “Well, actually not really. I just need to ask the witness a few questions.” What questions was I even supposed to ask? The notes just implied there was some information she wasn’t immediately disclosing. I should have read the other statements more closely.

He looked confused at my response, but his priorities were elsewhere as he went to the back of the ambulance. Over his shoulder, he said, “Okay, well, the woman only sustained minor injuries from the metal. Cuts, scratches, and a sharp bit lodged in her arm, but it was not difficult to remove. She should be fine to talk.” I gave the paramedic a smile and a thank you.

There was a middle-aged woman curb with stringy blonde hair, frayed from being bleached so often, sitting on the curb with a cigarette between her fingers. There was a bandage wrapped around her upper arm, as well as a cut on her lower left cheek. I recognized her as Margaret. As Forber said, Michael Fletcher stood just a few feet away from her and held a pair of cuffs.

When he saw me, a sense of relief came over him. He motioned me over to him and spoke in a hushed voice, saying, “I’m glad to see they called you out here. She was acting a bit aggressive towards the officers before you, but she’s been read all her rights and knows the drill. If she talked to anyone, it’ll be you.”

I gave a meek smile and asked, “Has she said anything important in her statement or in passing?”

He shook his head. “She’s as silent as that mask without a mouth she was wearing. Will likely get brought in on charges for conspiring against the government along with the case.” I took a deep breath and took a good look at the woman. By now, she had noticed me standing there and gave me a nasty glare. She raised the cigarette to her wrinkled lips and took a long draw. With all the agitation she was projecting towards me, I noticed there was a hint of fear as her shaking hands lowered the cigarette.

“Hi, Ms. Boyd?” I said, cautiously moving towards the woman and trying to stay as neutral as possible. “My name is Agent Axaili. I’m with the DAI, or as you may know, the Defenders Against Influence. I had a few questions I wanted to ask.”

Smoke fell out of her lips as she croaked, “I don’t want to answer your questions.” Hostility radiated from her posture as I approached.

I steadied myself as I stood just a few feet away from her. “Please, ma’am. Any information you have about tonight’s events could save the lives of hundreds of others.”

“I didn’t see nothing,” she said dismissively, trying to turn away from me. I looked at Michael, who gave me a shrug like “what do you want me to do?”, and then back at the woman. Wracking my mind for any technique to calm her down, I slowed my thoughts and imagined the most tranquil scene I could think of.

“We may be able to work out a deal,” I said with a smile as I crouched down to her level. “If you could tell me what you did see, then we may be able to negotiate the charge for being at the rally.” She looked back at me and something about her demeanor told me she was a bit more relaxed, as well as interested in my prospect.

Her lips stayed pressed together for another second or two before she said, slightly begrudgingly, “I really didn’t see that much. It all happened pretty quickly. The agents were there, they shot, and they were the ones who ended up shot.”

“Did you see who they were shooting out?” I asked. It occurred to me that if we were dealing with a Class Four a physical description wouldn’t be enough to identify them, but it was an easy question to lead into.

The woman shook her head. “I’d never seen her before. Was a scrawny looking girl. Came in with another person, but no one had seen them before.” She had almost completely transformed, feeling way more comfortable around me.

“Was that other person who ran out after the event with the agents?” She nodded at that and took another puff from her cigarette. This one must have hit her differently as she began to cough harshly. I let her recover before I asked the next question, “Did you notice anything else odd about the night?”

“Uhhh, I had a weird feeling, like someone was listening to my thoughts but… I don’t know.” She trailed off a bit as a flash of anxiety hit her. It was like she remembered she was supposed to be apprehensive towards me, because she added, “But that’s all I have to say.”

There was something more, so I gently pressed on, keeping my voice as soothing as I could, “Did you know anything about the man on the podium?” I was looking for any reason why those two would have chased after him. Her body froze up, and the cigarette fell to the ground where she crushed it underneath her shoe.

“We’ve spoken before,” she muttered. There was an inner tug-of-war on her face as her tried to determine how much she should reveal. If I watched closely, I felt as if I might be able to hear her thoughts as I silently urged her onward. She concluded with, “He’s helped me out a bit recently.” She let out another throaty cough.

I pried even further. “Helped you how?”

“You know,” she said, trying to feign flippancy. “I had some health problems. He just helped me out… and then invited me to come out tonight.” Once again, my heart sunk. Was this guy also a member of Splinter? That could explain the odd medical records. Or… was something else going on? Most members almost never worked on their own, and I’d never heard of one just trying to help a typical civilian. Even most other rally leaders just fueled their rallygoers with false hopes and promises they can’t fulfill.

“Did you have to do anything else for his help?”

“No!” she spat, her hostility immediately returning with even more intensity. “I told you what I saw, what I felt, and the rest doesn’t matter. Now leave me alone!”

“Alright, ma’am,” I said, standing back up. “I appreciate your statement.” She gave me a dismissive response and began to light a second cigarette.

Michael gave me a smile when I retreated back to him. He said, “You’ve worked your magic once again.”

“Were you writing that down as talked? I didn’t even think about recording it,” I admitted, feeling the tension in my body lift now that the task was done.

“Yeah. She didn’t say anything too much more helpful, so I’m not sure why Forber insisted we continue with her statement,” he said with a shrug, “but at least we’ve got something to bring back to him.” I nodded along and closed my eyes as the weight of everything hit me again.

As I took the moment to try to recenter my mind, I thought about the woman. What else was it that she was really trying to hide? With the rally leader? As I stood there, I just listened to the commotion around me. I tried to imagine what the woman could be thinking about. Something’s going to happen next week. Tuesday night.

My eyes snapped open, chills running down my spine. I snapped around and stared at the woman. She wasn’t looking at me anymore, but I swore that I had just heard her voice. I gave a terrified look back at Michael and said, “We have to get this back to Forber. I’ve got another hunch.”


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1085 Reviews


Points: 90000
Reviews: 1085

Donate
Mon Aug 23, 2021 3:53 am
View Likes
Mea wrote a review...



Hi Wolfe! Here for another review today!

Well this is an interesting chapter part, especially with the hints towards Rachel have her own influence-like powers! It's fun to see her in action and get some clues as to everything that's going on. You did a great job of establishing Rachel's relationship with the other members of her organization quickly, and her camaraderie with Will continues to be great.

I also appreciated the way you worked in the full name of the organization, Defenders Against Influence, into this chapter. That raises lots of interesting questions and sheds some light on why they're set against the Splinter, though I'm also wondering how that works with whatever Rachel does. Maybe it's something other than influence, but it feels pretty similar.

However, I feel like this chapter didn't give me as much information as I wanted. I'm feeling just a little adrift, not as grounded in the situation as I did last chapter. My questions that I'm more confused than excited about include: Why does Rachel feel like this whole investigation is on her shoulders, when she's only interrogating one witness (I'm guessing she's the only witness)? Why is Rachel specifically being dragged out of bed to do the questioning? I'm assuming it has to do with how she was able to get the witness to feel more comfortable around her, and how she heard her voice in her head at the end.

But then I'm wondering why you don't just say that's the reason. Does Rachel know that she has these influence-like abilities? If so, I don't see why she wouldn't comment on/explain that in this chapter. If not, why is she the one being dragged out of bed? Does everyone know she's just weirdly good at this? If so, I think they could comment on that too. Basically, it's always good not to info-dump, but the lack of explanation feels a bit artificial here, since Rachel does not come across as a person who keeps things as close to her chest as Hunter.

This is a bit of a shorter review, but this chapter part isn't that long, and that's everything that's come to mind so far. :) I have a tiny bit of free time before my semester starts, so I might try to catch up at a faster pace!




User avatar
185 Reviews


Points: 13187
Reviews: 185

Donate
Sun Jun 06, 2021 4:38 pm
View Likes
FireEyes wrote a review...



Hey Wolfe! Incoming review on this splendid chapter part!

So to start off I just want to gush about the interrogation. It makes up pretty much the majority of the work but it works so well! I have a soft spot for interrogations, weather accurate or inaccurate. The details you give of the woman's face and body language is executed so well, like this part,

She trailed off a bit as a flash of anxiety hit her. It was like she remembered she was supposed to be apprehensive towards me, because she added, “But that’s all I have to say.”
And I would like to thank you for putting in what DAI stands for early on now. And it helped me to actually read the acronym correct now XD.

I also adore the suspense we get with the last two paragraphs. It reminds me of Wringer, if you've read the book you might know what I'm talking about but You need a round of applause for how you've done it! I can almost hear the suspenseful music!

I know William was not in this part as much as he was in the first part but I just adore William's character. He's stoic, but sarcastic. I love those types of characters! And I also want to say that the drama of Rachel not knowing who the leader was, and the woman not telling her, is going to be awesome.

Some nitpicks I have are in relation to who is talking. This is a continuation of the previous part, and that was narrated by Rachel. But now she is addressed as Axaili. Is this her last name? I would assume it is, but I would like some clarification.

But that's it for my review! You've got me hooked again in your fantastic story! Anyway byeeeeeeee<3<3




User avatar
935 Reviews


Points: 2806
Reviews: 935

Donate
Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:58 am
View Likes
Shady wrote a review...



WOLFE HI HELLO I AM HERE as PROMISED and now you have to write more ;) My memory is trash so thankfully I was only like three sections in so I just re-read everything and so now I'm FRESH and ready to go! Let's get to it...

My body shivered as I walked, no matter how hard I tried to steel my nerves and betraying the anxiety coursing through me.


This sentence read a bit weird to me. Like, at first read through it seems like the steeled nerves are what was betraying the anxiety rather than the shiver. Maybe restructure this sentence a bit?

There was a middle-aged woman curb with stringy blonde hair, frayed from being bleached so often, sitting on the curb with a cigarette between her fingers.


I assume this is a typo?

She looked back at me and something about her demeanor told me she was a bit more relaxed, as well as interested in my prospect.


Okay, but what tho? ;) I think this would be a great place to slow down and think more about what sort of body language she's using to show that she's relaxing and interested at this point.

~ ~ ~

Ohoho do Rachel be using Influence that she's supposed to be defending against? The plot thickens. I have so many questions and want to read on, so great job there! You're pacing this perfectly to set up intrigue.

The one thing that I don't understand is what these rallies are supposed to be. From the masks, it kind of seems like they're all going to support Splinter... but most of them aren't actually members of Splinter? Do they think they are? Like, I don't understand why they're there, going through all this danger to show up to a rally, if they're not actually part of the cause. That one is confusing me, I think in a bad way. Like, it's not so much a "ahh I want to read more to find out!" it's more "I'm v confused about what this means."

Overall, though! Lovely chapter <3 I am super excited to be getting back into this story and super excited that you now have to write moarrrrr :yeet:

Hope this helped!

~Shady






Belated thank you for the review <333 I always appreciate these. Also, you pose great questions about the rally that I have thought about/have answers for, but I don't think I ever actually address it in the novel. I should probably do that <.<



User avatar
89 Reviews


Points: 391
Reviews: 89

Donate
Mon Feb 15, 2021 5:16 am
View Likes
mordax wrote a review...



Hello, me again. Let's get started!!

I loved this chapter so much!! I was captivated the entire time and I can't wait to see what happens next.

Nitpicks:

everything my power to catch these terrorists.

add "in" after the word "everything"
the medical records and saw that she was currently in remission

With this example and other parts in this chapter (as I've mentioned in previous reviews), the "saw" is unnecessary. If you took it away and had it just as "the medical records. She was currently in remission...", it would flow better and give the audience the feeling that they were truly experiencing this with Rachel rather than just hearing about it.
He wore a thin yellow jacket with the letters D.A.I. inscribed in the back, which I found a bit amusing.

Why is this amusing? I was a bit confused by this, as if he is the face of the DAI, why is it amusing that he wear a DAI jacket?
My body shivered as I walked

Instead of saying "My body shivered", perhaps say "I shivered" or "A shiver crawled up my spine", or something along those lines.
There was a middle-aged woman curb with stringy blonde hair, frayed from being bleached so often, sitting on the curb with a cigarette between her fingers.

I was a bit confused by the "curb" part and couldn't tell if it was a typo or not. As for the "frayed from being bleached so often" I think that could be reworded to flow better, such as "frayed from an excess use of bleach" or something along those lines.
If she talked to anyone, it’ll be you.”

Do you mean, "If she'll talk to anyone"?
were shooting out?”

I believe it should be "at" not "out".
her face as her tried to determine

"as 'she' tried to determine"
false hopes and promises they can’t fulfill.

"couldn't" not "can't"
Were you writing that down as talked?

I think you need a subject in front of "talked".

Also, I am now very intrigued by Rachel... I wonder... Does she have some kind of 'influence'?? It definitely seems that way, even if she isn't aware of it. Some kind of mind control or reading, because she definitely eased Margaret's state of mind just by thinking tranquil thoughts. Interesting...

I'm so excited for what happens next! Please tag me whenever you add the next chapter.

mordax






Thank you again!!! All of these were really helpful, and I'm happy to see you're enjoying the story so far ^^



User avatar
166 Reviews


Points: 9676
Reviews: 166

Donate
Fri Feb 05, 2021 8:36 am
View Likes
DreamyAlice wrote a review...



Hey Alice is here to give a review!!!

This was a great chapter. The diologues were very well written and the suspense was maintained throughout the chapter. I am very much interested in the detective genre.


Small nitpicks

"I said as I steeled my resolve to do everything my power to catch these terrorists."


There should be 'in' in between 'everything' and 'my'

“I’m just the chauffer since I had to drag your ass out of bed when you didn’t answer any of my calls.


I think 'chauffer' should be 'chauffeur'

no matter how hard I tried to steel my nerves and betraying the anxiety coursing through me.


'betraying' should be 'betray'

This was not my first time questioning a witness, but the with the stakes raised significantly,


I think 'the' shouldn't be there.

“Were you writing that down as talked?


This line is a bit confusing, I think maybe there will be 'you' in between 'as' and 'talked'

“I didn’t see nothing anything,” she said dismissively, trying to turn away from me.



They are just small nitpicks, it doesn't matter that much. Your story is very interesting.

Hope to see the next chapters in the green room soon!!!

Bye!!!




User avatar
1232 Reviews


Points: 0
Reviews: 1232

Donate
Thu Feb 04, 2021 2:19 pm
View Likes
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi SpiritedWolfe,

Mailice here again with a short review.

Great chapter. The tension is maintained until the end. The dialogue during the interrogation between Rachel and Margaret is great. It felt like a real detective story! Asking the right questions and having a not so cooperative witness at the beginning. It still leaves questions open at the end and gives us a cliffhanger about Tuesday night.

Here are two things I noticed:

I said as I steeled my resolve to do everything my power to catch these terrorists.


First here. Isn't there an "in" missing before "my power"?

This was not my first time questioning a witness, but the with the stakes raised significantly


And here, shouldn't the first "the" be a "then"?

Sorry if that sounds a bit questionable; I'm never so sure about spelling errors :D

I am already looking forward to the next part!

Mailice.






Thank you so much for your reviews! ^^ I%u2019m glad you%u2019re enjoying the story so far! Also, thank you for pointing out those mistakes, haha. I tend to be very poor about proof reading.




One believes things because one has been conditioned to believe them.
— Aldous Huxley, Brave New World