Wham! My head is whipped to the side by the harsh blow across the face. A metallic taste invades my mouth. My lip must be bleeding. I hang my head as I attempt to catch my breath, my heartbeat pounding in my ears. The Bone grabs me by my long, unkempt hair and yanks my head up to face my interrogator.
LightningStrike cocks her head at me in amusement. Tall, lean, and drop-dead gorgeous, she’s the perfect image of what a female superhero should look like.
I hate her.
“Griffin.” she sighs, her voice calming and smooth.
I ignore her as I attempt to shake the Bone’s grip by jerking my head to the side. I grimace as he wrenches my head back harder. Lightning sighs and folds her hands under her chin, waiting for me to calm down. She hasn’t touched me once during our lovely “sessions”, but she is more than willing to allow the Bone to do the dirty work.
“Griffin.” she repeats, now that I am firmly held in place. “You need to calm down. You can trust us here.” She smiles that perfect smile, all red lips and shiny white teeth. Disgusting.
I twist my hands, which are tied behind my back with zip-ties, and grin bitterly. Blood trickles down my chin.
“Oh, I’m sure.” I drawl, pausing to lick my split lip. “You mean, I should trust the people who have me beaten each day for information I don’t know?”
The Bone jostles my head, making my eyes jiggle in their sockets.
“Oh, Griffin.” Lightning cups her chin in her palms and stares at me searchingly. “I know that you know something. We already know so much about you. Griffin Storm, also known by your weak excuse for an alter-ego, The Shadow."
She waggles a finger. "Being a former villain, surely you have plenty of juicy tidbits for us. You have to have had some significant experiences with others like yourself!” Her eyes are bright, open.“Honestly, Griffin, you should consider it a favor that we took you in. It’s a win-win scenario! We get the information,” she pauses, makes sure I’m listening, “And your parents never have to know the crimes you committed!”
I snarl at her. How dare she bring up my parents! She’s the one who wiped their minds of all traces of me, when I had been captured and taken here. Lightning loves to taunt me about it, saying that it’s impossible to reverse the effects on my parents’ minds.
I’ll find a way to get them back, get their memories back, once I get out of here. She has to be wrong. She has to be.
The minutes tick past, I still haven’t said anything useful, and Lightning’s cheerful attitude is beginning to sound forced. This could be getting old for her, too. We’ve gone through the same spiel for...how many days? I don’t know. All the hours I've spent here at the Prison melt together into one long nightmare.
She continues to plow ahead with her speech, ignoring my hateful stare.
I find myself wishing I had laser vision.
“You see, Griffin, you have to look at things differently here. Think of the possibilities if you join us!” Lightning’s icy blue eyes glaze over as she thinks of the future. “Together, we could help mankind in ways never before imagined! With your knowledge of the villain organizations, we could cut down on so much crime! So much.” She focuses on my face again, and her eyes crinkle in a friendly smile yet again.
“Don’t you want to be a part of a better world, the cause of a better future?” she asks earnestly.
I roll my eyes up to the cracked ceiling.
“Huh. Lemme think about that. How about...no.”
“It’s the future of mankind, Griffin.” she insisted.
“And I care about that why?”
I look back at her to see her eyebrows raise in surprise and confusion. Her lips purse hesitantly before she answers.
“Well, because...Because you’re a part of it!”
I heave a sigh. This speech again. Why would anyone think that just because I was a homo sapien meant that I gave a flip about what happened to the human race?
“Look, hero.” I snarl. I can’t comprehend how she has the nerve to call herself that when she does such despicable things to me. She forcefully interrogates me. She imprisoned me. She ripped me from my family, wiped their memories so they forgot I even existed. If that isn't a work of evil, I don’t know what is.
“I don’t know where you got the idea that I cared about this ‘work of good’,” I would have made air quotes, had my hands not been tied. “But I just want to say, get out of my life.”
The Bone raises a hand to hit me, but LightningStrike stops him with a look. She turns her gaze on me, and it isn’t so diplomatic anymore. She blinks and a smile spreads along her face. It’s not a nice smile.
She leans forward and grabs the front of my prison jumpsuit, pulling me toward her. Her face is so close I feel her warm breath on my cheeks. My head is on fire, the Bone still hasn’t let go of my hair.
“You want me out of your life, Griffin?” Lightning snarls, all pretense of respect gone. Her eyes flash white and the air begins to crackle with electricity.
“You’re stuck with me until I decide to get rid of you.” She pokes a finger to my chest, right into one of the bruises. I wince.
“You think you’re so special, so powerful with that idiotic Shadow getup. I know what you’re really like. You’re nothing but a villain, a filthy waste of a person, and that’s all you’ll ever amount to. Here at the Prison, you’re where you belong, with all the other trash,” She spits with such hatred that I’m tempted to recoil, but I force myself to stay where I am. I stare her right in the eye.
“When I get out of here,” I growl, “I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you all.”
She smirks confidently.
“I’d like to see you try.”
My sight blanks out for a moment with rage, and I twist in my chair to make an obscene gesture with one bound hand.
The look of fury that comes over LightningStrike’s face is worth the punch to the jaw.
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Knight Malachi here to Review for Review Day.
Hey, lookie here, I found something I hadn't reviewed for you previously:)
So when I noticed it was with "superheroes" I thought "This should be pretty good." And when I saw that you, the main character, was yourself in real life and a villain I was really interested. And hey, you didn't disappoint me in the least. This seems kind of like a story line I've thought of doing before. right now however I am busy with other stuff.
Now, technical-wise I didn't see any errors, but I am not the greatest at those so there might be some. This sounds pretty good, although I would like more description of what type of room you are in, and how the atmosphere is around you.
Keep it up!
Thanks again, Malachi!
I enjoyed this a ton. I have always had a think about being the villain, both literally and in more realistic cases, and this is great example. This really can show us an insight to the other side of the spectrum for alot of this traditional like superhero things.
I didn't real notice anything to correct on, but there are a few places where you said bones instead of The Bone and one place where you forgot to capitalize. Also you should put Lightning Strike as two words, not one.
I think you could elaborate a little on the hero idea part.
I also want to know what this guy did, why is he in jail? Why is he a villain. You don't have to add much, just a little bit of explaining will do. I am also curious of his age, considering the parents part.
Also if this Prison is a special prison you should say so as well. I am unsure if it is a normal old prison or a special one.
Thanks Blackwood. I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue with this story or not, so I didn't go into great detail, but I will take your points into consideration.
I really liked this piece. Especially since I didn't see any grammar or spelling mistakes, which is always a plus. There aren't any things that I can really nitpick about, except that a few of the sentences felt a little bit forced, and clunky, but the overall flow was great. It's a bit tricky to review something like this, because there are only so many times I can say that I liked it...
, you could have written in a way that shows it. I still enjoyed the piece, but I think that if you wanted to turn this into a novel you might need a little extra depth.Perhaps something to take into consideration if you did turn this into a novel is to show and not tell. It's a bit of a cliché to say that, but there were a couple of passages that I felt may have been better if you had used a flashback to a memory, or used dialogue to show why the protagonist hated Lightning, for example, rather than just saying that he hated her or saying that she was
Oh! Just noticed that you've said 'the Bone' and 'the Bones', but that's the only mistake I've seen.
This was a great short story, and it could potentially be turned into a fantastic novel. From this piece I can tell that that you have real writing skill, which seems to suit this style well, so good luck with whatever you choose to do whether it has to do with this piece or anything else!
Thank you! I will look into those suggestions.
Hello! ^^ Just stopped by to give a simple review! All right well, I should add that this is probably the first story I've ever read with an actual super hero theme. So, this is a bit different for me. However, I would like to point out a few things that I believe needs some improvement. Starting off, I felt as if you rushed your sentences. They were very straight-forward, which I guess I can appreciate in a way because I'm the polar opposite. I make everything probably a little too detailed and long at times. cx
But I felt as if there was nothing for me to latch on to. Especially during your beginning, I had trouble really focusing in on the story. Although, towards the end I started to get into it a bit more. Yet, really, it's a great story, with lots of potential and you should keep up the good work! ^^
Thank you Saichi!