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Young Writers Society



Hero for Hire: Chapter 12

by Sonder


A/N oof, this chapter is all over the place. It's pretty segmented and chunky and badly written, in my opinion, mostly because I was pressed for time and unsure of the POVs to stick with when I wrote it. Please forgive me! I think it gets a bit better after this. Love you guys. <3

ELI POV

"If you're lying about this," Battery whispered under her breath. "I'll fry you so bad you'll smell lightning for weeks."

Eli leaned into her, limping down the dark street. His bandages were starting to seep through with blood, the wound reopened after all of the, well, battery.

"Lightning," he muttered. "Got it." He could add that to his ever-increasing injury list.

Apartments stretched down either side of them, with streetlights illuminating glowing circles of cracked concrete every few feet. Battery had parked her black motorcycle a few blocks away to avoid suspicion, and she'd allowed Eli to change out of his torn, bloody Rift outfit into his normal clothes. His identity was shot as well as his side, anyway.

They soon arrived at the address that a quick Internet search had provided them.

Emma Zhang, thought Eli as they climbed the front steps (him, with more difficulty). Celeste Turner. Could those really be the names of the heroes he'd been fighting for the past year and a half? He wondered which one was Happy, and which one was Grumpy. He wondered if Happy had managed to save everyone from the bomb. He wondering if the Program had left her alone.

Battery rang the doorbell, and glanced over her shoulder. The street was empty. If you ignored her mask, and the blood on Eli's side, they looked like a couple returning from the bar. Maybe Eli had just had too much to drink. Wouldn't that have been nice? One big, hellish, booze-induced dream, and he'd wake up with a hangover and continue with his life like nothing had ever happened.

The door opened. A girl with dark skin and hair in bantu knots poked her head around the corner. She was wearing a ratty t-shirt and pajama pants.

"Who--"

Her eyes caught on Battery's mask, on Eli's hunched posture, on the note clutched in his hand. Eli stared back at her, words caught in his throat. Her lips formed into a question before Battery interjected with a confident step forward.

"Emma Zhang?"

The girl shook her head.

"Celeste Turner?"

The girl frowned. "How did you--"

"We need you to let us in. Now."

***

CELESTE POV

"No way in hell are you coming in here."

Celeste Turner filled the door frame best she could, trying to block out the freaks on her porch.

The woman with the short black hair shook her head.

"I don't think you understand. You need to let us in. This is a matter of public safety."

Celeste squinted. "I don't think you understand. This is my apartment. I don't know you. I say you don't come in, you don't come in. Goodbye."

She tried to shut the door, but the woman jammed her foot between the frame. The nerve. Worse than some of those door to door solicitors. Celeste leaned her body weight into it, but peeked out again.

They were an unlikely pair. The woman was short and stocky, but muscular as hell, but the guy, probably Celeste's age, was lean and small, his face pinched with pain.

The woman tried to soften her tone. "Please? We'll explain ourselves inside."

Beside her, the beat up kid with the wild black hair looked about ready to keel over. Celeste felt a pang of concern for him, but not nearly enough to let them in.

"No."

"Is Emma there?"

Celeste stiffened. The fact that these strangers knew both of her and her roommate's name was creeping her out. "Go away."

She pushed harder. She felt a familiar surge of heat in her chest, as if her powers knew that she was tempted to use them whenever she was agitated. Oh, yes. She actually did want to blast the obnoxious woman right off of her porch step.

Before she could gather her strength and attempt at another shove, a soft voice reached her ears.

"Zenith?"

The voice was familiar, which was weird enough, and it took her a moment to register that no one should be calling her that name, not at her own home.

Celeste froze. Her mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. Luckily, the people outside couldn't see her, but damn it. She thought she was a better faker than this.

The woman managed to crack the door a few more inches at her mind lapse, allowing Celeste a better view of the battered boy. His lip was split, and his blue-veined eyelids fluttered with exhaustion. He swayed on his feet.

"It's Rift, Zenith. I... Things are bad. I need your help."

***

Celeste paced the living-room-dining-room-kitchen space impatiently, her bare feet padding on the worn, dirty gray carpet. Rift, or Eli, as he'd offered soon after she'd sat him on the old worn couch, was leaning into the cushions as if he hoped that they'd swallow him whole. He clutched his side, which was dark with blood. Celeste noted that she should probably address that soon. The annoying woman, who was apparently a vigilante from Chicago, was perched on the arm of the couch, as if she couldn't bring herself to fully relax in case there was unseen danger in the room.

There was definite danger in the room. Celeste knew that. She just wasn't sure which one of them it was, yet. Rift had told her all that had happened, and while she thought that she probably believed him, she still wasn't certain why this "Battery" lady was involved or whether she should be associating with either of them.

Emma wasn't due back until late, but it was already late. And she had been scheduled to fight Rift, so if he was here... God. Where was she? Emma would know what to do.

Celeste picked at a thread on her ratty sleep shirt. "Okay, I can't stand it. Why is the Program so damn intent on killing you?"

Rift's (Eli, she tried to remind herself) eyes were closed, but he mumbled his answer regardless. His words slurred together. "I know too much. Atlas, he did too, and they took care of him... god, I don't even know if he's okay... everything's gone to hell. I tried to go off the pills, and I did, but now I don't have powers 'n she took my power thingy away." The woman shifted slightly, but her face was unreadable. Celeste couldn't help but feel a surge of protectiveness for Rift come over her. He'd obviously gone through hell, and now this woman who none of them were familiar with was bossing him around? Celeste didn't normally care much for other people, but this was the sarcastic, spirited kid she'd been fighting for over a year. She didn't like seeing him like this. She didn't want him to be taken advantage of in any way.

Eli took a shuddered breath. "But they couldn't use the pills to cause my powers to backfire, not anymore, so they framed me instead. I think. With the bomb and all that, and everyone knows my name and my room is destroyed... And Seb found a list," he gestured vaguely in the masked woman's direction. "And I don't know what it means but it had your name on it. You and Emma."

Celeste paused her pacing. "What was the list?"

Eli opened his eyes a crack. Celeste noticed a curious zigzag scar on his upper lip. "Please. I don't know. Some names of supers that Seb found. She's already interrogated the hell out of that question."

Celeste spun on the masked woman, trying to hold in her anger. She'd been interrogating him? After he'd escaped a few murder attempts already?

"What are you doing here, anyway?" Celeste spat. "If I'm not mistaken, you're a few hours out from Chicago area."

The masked woman sniffed and shifted her backpack straps. "You're not mistaken."

Celeste glared, waiting for an answer.

The woman shrugged. "This city has been experiencing a suspiciously high increase of superpowered persons in the past few years. I was curious to find out where they were coming from. Maybe it was in the water, or in the genes of those who live here, but I thought it was more likely that they were being created outside of the natural means." She scratched behind her ears. "I'm a biological super, so I've always been curious about what brings that about."

Celeste opened her mouth to ask another question when the front door opened. She jumped, but was immediately flooded with relief at her roommate's voice.

"Hi?"

Emma paused in the doorway, caught off guard by the group gathered in the living-room-dining-room-kitchen. She was dressed in her normal jean and t-shirt combo, a colorful baseball cap perched over top her two long, black braids. There was a bruise forming on her cheekbone, and a sports bag was clutched in one hand.

"Emma," Celeste said quickly, jumping in before the masked woman could hijack the conversation. "Thank god you're back."

"What's going on?" Emma dumped her bag in the hall and came forward, eyes immediately sliding to Rift/ Eli. She paused, confusion and concern flashing over her face.

"Who--"

Eli sat up slowly, hand clasped over his side. He tried to smile, but nothing real reached his deadened eyes. "Happy! My dude. Long time no see."

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Sun Oct 28, 2018 11:01 pm
Mea wrote a review...



Hey Sonder! Finally getting around to reviewing this part now, haha.

Celeste isn't my favorite viewpoint, but I don't really mind her. I think what keeps her as a bit of an afterthought in my mind is that she's easily distinguishable as her own character from the outside looking in, but when we're in her viewpoint, I don't feel like her voice is very unique. Eli and Emma feel like they have distinct character voices when we're in their viewpoints - Celeste, not so much.

and she'd allowed Eli to change out of his torn, bloody Rift outfit into his normal clothes.

I find this odd. Basically, Eli's literally bleeding out right now. He seriously needs medical attention, and instead he stops to change? Wouldn't that be really painful, trying to take off and put on clothes with a gaping bullet hole in his side? Wouldn't it make him bleed even more, and the blood would also be ruining his other clothes? I just think it's really odd that he changes out of his superhero suit and into normal clothes, but they haven't even really made an attempt to stop the bleeding yet. At this point, I really wouldn't think he'd be conscious. Even if they just rip up some cloth to tie it around him, I think they should have done that at this point.

I'm also a bit surprised Celeste doesn't recognize Rift, particularly since she makes the comment about his wild hair. It's one thing if she's never really seen him outside of his superhero suit and the suit covers his hair and a lot of his face, but it seems like she'd be more familiar with what he looks like than that.

Line-by-line, I think the writing was more clunky than usual in this chapter. That said, there were still a few lines I particularly liked - I love how you describe Eli swaying on Celeste's doorstep, for example. It really drives home how much of a mess he is at the moment. It really drives up the tension.

Hehe, I love Eli's reaction to Emma coming in. Personally, I'm really glad to see her too. :) It looks like she got out okay, which is really good to see.

And I think that's all I've got for this chapter! It felt like a bit of a transitional one, and I'm looking forward to seeing how things move forward now everyone's in the same place.




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Sun Oct 28, 2018 10:11 pm
Carlito wrote a review...



Hello again!!

I'd forgotten that Eli doesn't know the real names of Zenith, only that there are two of them :p

Do you have a plan yet of how many POV changes are going to happen overall? If not, totally get it and no worries because first draft problems :p We can talk more about POVs when you're all done. So far I don't hate Celeste's POV, especially since we already got Emma's. It's a nice contrast to be in the head of both Zenith's.

Something that just occurred to me though is that the POV shifts are only sort of shifts because you're writing in 3rd. I'm not sure you even have to designate them as POV shifts. If you do designate the shifts, the tone and attitude should change to reflect that we're now seeing this through someone else's eyes. I feel like for Celeste, there should be a lot more attitude (she seems to have a lot attitude :p). But I also loved in that last scene the softer edge to her and how she also cares about Rift. It's nice that the program doesn't train them to hate one another as people.

I'm glad she doesn't trust them right away and doesn't want to let them in (because why would you let two random strangers, one beaten up, into your home...)

"It's Rift, Zenith. I... Things are bad. I need your help."

Love this. This would be a great chapter ender. I almost want to see her immediate reaction to this remark - like her eyes widening or something, but I'm also glad we don't.

Emma is late and she was supposed to be fighting Rift but Rift is here. That seems like it should be a big deal but Celeste kind of brushed over it. Should she be more worried about Emma? Should we be worried about Emma? (Well, I know she shows up at the end so she must be good :p). But I wonder what her take on everything will be since she was supposed to fight Rift and she was there when the bomb went off.

Looking forward as always to reading on! Let me know if you have any questions or if you'd like feedback about something I didn't mention! :D




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Fri Oct 26, 2018 12:03 am
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BluesClues wrote a review...



His bandages were starting to seep through with blood, the wound reopened after all of the, well, battery.


omg she
she
she commits assault and battery
with a battery

next level puns

Oooh I love the end of the first scene. I think my only issue with this bit is this, because I either missed a time skip somewhere or because there isn't a very clear one.

Battery had parked her black motorcycle a few blocks away to avoid suspicion, and she'd allowed Eli to change out of his torn, bloody Rift outfit into his normal clothes.


I guess I'm just not clear on when he changed? Was it before they walked to her motorcycle, after they walked to her motorcycle, some other time and place? On that note, is Battery still in her costume when they barge into Celeste's apartment? Because I have no reason to assume otherwise, but considering Celeste and Emma are both heroes I'm surprised Celeste doesn't recognize Battery as at least a hero or villain sooner.

Celeste feeling concern for Eli!!! When she normally is all grumpy about him!!! Because she doesn't realize who he is!!!

She felt a familiar surge of heat in her chest, as if her powers knew that she was tempted to use them whenever she was agitated.


hmmm wow this feels familiar when do I get to write a Red scene again

The woman managed to crack the door a few more inches at her mind lapse, allowing Celeste a better view of the battered boy. His lip was split, and his blue-veined eyelids fluttered with exhaustion. He swayed on his feet.

"It's Rift, Zenith. I... Things are bad. I need your help."


my heart oh my god I love this

"The annoying woman" oh my god this is so great I'm loving Celeste's POV

Celeste couldn't help but feel a surge of protectiveness for Rift come over her.


!!!!!!!

Celeste didn't normally care much for other people, but this was the sarcastic, spirited kid she'd been fighting for over a year. She didn't like seeing him like this.


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh my god I know I ship Eli with literally everyone already but I ship it

Maybe it was in the water


given the general proximity to Lake Erie you're not wrong

Eli sat up slowly, hand clasped over his side. He tried to smile, but nothing real reached his deadened eyes. "Happy! My dude. Long time no see."


but also I s h i p this

Okay that's it that's all you get for this one, just me shipping Eli with literally everyone, recognizing the best stupid pun of all time, and general excitement over having all these characters together because??? wow they are a lot of fun together.




Sonder says...


YOU GOT THE PUN
hehehehehe I'm so happy you got it because I've been WAITING for it

oh you right that is a weird time skip. /shrug/ that's an issue for Future Me

THANK YOU SO MUCH. I seriously needed this. I'm really glad you like Celeste so much. I love her too and I needed to be reminded of that. <333333333



BluesClues says...


I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR GETTING THE PUN

also WOW SORRY it took me like a literal hour to write that next review because I kept getting distracted by Other Things this is why I haven't gotten any writing done today



Sonder says...


you're fine! I get it, haha <3




Follow your inner moonlight; don't hide the madness
— Allen Ginsburg