Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
I am Weird
I am strange
I am Queer
That will never change
____
I am different
I am strong
I am transparent
I do not belong
____
I hide in the dark
I never get to see
What it is like to be myself
In this harsh society
____
I am Queer
That's undeniable
Just because I am Queer
Does not mean that I am not here
____
I am not invisible
I am tired of being transparent
I am sick of being unaccepted
I just want to be loved
____
I am Queer
Everyone was told
I tried to escape them
Watch as this unfolds
____
I was beaten
I was bloodied
All because I am different
Because I am Queer
____
I refuse to be silenced
I refuse to not be accepted
I refuse to have my identity mocked
I AM QUEER
____
That awful day happened
When it went too far
because I am Queer
I am no longer here
____
*This is obviously not a true story but I know many people can relate and associate themselves with the speaker. I hope you enjoyed
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,733 Reviews
The poem could use some improvement in terms of flow. The poem read pretty choppy - like the poem "one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish" where the reader pauses at the end of each line - I'd suggest instead of looking at a poem as a bunch of divided lines, start with narrative, and then see how you can fit that narrative into interesting succinct lines.
For instance instead of dividing each line into a complete different thought like you did here:
You could try to connect the lines a bit like this:
do you see how that version flows a bit better because it can be read into one continuous thought?
I also felt like the narrative itself was a bit disjointed - I don't get how the poem escalates from "I am queer" to the implied ending of the person being erased or killed at the end. Some context for what culture this poem is set in, and why they feel they are being persecuted could be helpful too.
Another element of the narrative we're missing is any emotional expression. Why is the person so adamant about their sexual identity? How do they feel about the discrimination that they think they are facing?
I think the poem as a whole is pretty surface-level as far as engaging the actual issues. Very few people "reject" queer-identifying folks because "they are different" more often discrimination or rejection is motivated by things a bit deeper, like moral, religious, and value conflicts.
I think the poem would also be strengthened if you chose to commit to either the theme of erasure or of violence against the queer community - because right now it felt like you were trying to cover both in one poem, and ended up getting a more disjointed story because of it.
Poetic devices are also going to be your friend in bringing your poetry to the next level - using metaphor, imagery, and sound devices are all powerful tools to help take a poem from being generic to being impactful and unique.
I think the poem starts to get stronger as it gets more specific towards the end, but as-written there are a lot of gaps that need to be filled in still. Good luck in future pieces!
- alliyah
Thank you so so so much as this is extremely helpful to me!
The short fragments of the poem (as in separated parts) really shows the reader into the life of the speaker. It is such a highly talked about thing because people think it's a problem. Being 'queer' is no problem, it's like anything else in the world. People thinking being 'queer' defines a person. How you write it makes it known that the speaker is 'queer' but it doesn't define him/her. It's quite obvious that it's something the speaker often thinks about and affects them in many ways. How you describe everything makes the reader see through the speaker's eyes. It's pretty great how you can do that. Really great job, I will be reading more.
-
-From your friend,
PlainandSimple
Thank you!
I like that you chose to capitalize "Queer" rather than treat it as any other improper noun. This capitalization decision does a lot to emphasize the fact that this poem is so heavily focused on this one aspect of the speaker's identity -- they are not necessarily defined by it, but it plays a significant enough role in their life that it's become such a huge part.
The ending hits very hard, in my opinion, because of your decision to use past tense. The speaker is still queer, but they're no longer around -- this part of their identity has outlived their physical time on earth. I thought it was very interesting and powerful that you chose to use "am" rather than "was" in the last stanza when referring to "Queer".
Suggestions:
- I would remove the period at the end of the third to last stanza; I'm not sure if it was intentional or just a typo, but you abstain from using any punctuation throughout the rest of the poem (which I like), so putting a period at the end of just one line stood out a lot and kind of disrupted the rhythm of the poem.
- Consider using stronger imagery. The poem itself is very powerful as is, but I feel like we could get an even stronger sense of emotion emanating off of the speaker's state of mind and situation if we had some more intense language to really solidify the way they're feeling.
- I believe you meant to write "silenced" rather than "silence" at the beginning of the second to last stanza (just a small thing I figured I'd point out).
Overall I enjoyed this poem and though I can't identify with our speaker very much in terms of this particular situation, I commend you for conveying what it really is like to be ostracized as a result of your identity.
I hope this review was helpful and write on! <3
Thank you so much!! I did have a few typos and thank you for pointing out the period!