Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » General

E - Everyone

Winter From a Hater's View

by Softballgirl333


The Birds are no longer chirping

You look all around

Nobody is here to make a sound

You are all alone

In a truly cold world

-

No matter where you are

You're cold

You're Freezing

You're Shivering

Your teeth are chattering

-

There's no way to become warm

There's very little light in the day

Everything is dead in every way

-

Winter means everyone is inside

Nobody is out to play

On the oh-so depressing days

-

Winter is my least favorite season

For a very good reason

Some may not understand

And That's okay

Just know these winter days

Shall not remain 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



Random avatar

Points: 85
Reviews: 14

Donate
Thu Nov 21, 2019 10:37 am
Hereticteen wrote a review...



It is amazing how in the very first verse you were able to set the mood in my mind. Quiet. This poem IS very realistic, minus the "Everything is dead in every way" verse. We got our first day of winter today out where I live, and I loved it. I love how an overcast winter sky full of snow clouds makes everything looks so grey. I would suggest that you go into more detail with color. You've already got the sound and feeling of winter, just describe the color and this poem might be perfect. Does "Just know these winter days Shall not remain" mean that the seasons change? That verse is not incredibly clear to me. I really do like what you are doing with this poem, I feel like it could be slightly expanded. Asides from that, Great work! Keep it up!






Thank you so much! When I have the time I am going to update my poem! I will take all of this into considered.



User avatar
150 Reviews


Points: 12425
Reviews: 150

Donate
Mon Nov 18, 2019 5:19 am
KatjaDawn wrote a review...



Hey Softballgirl333! Katja here to review your poem! As always please feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions I make if you find them unhelpful. That being said, let's get into the review~

Overall thoughts

I'll be honest- Winter is by far my favorite season! But it's nice to see other's perspectives :)

I like that your poem utilizes imagery associated with winter to create an isolated, cold, and lifeless view of what the narrator sees in Winter. I especially enjoyed the first stanza which starts off by describing what the narrator sees as though they are presently looking around and describing it. ~

Suggestions

The rhyme scheme changed throughout and in some places there was no rhyme scheme at all- while that's not technically an error, it threw off the rhythm for me big time. I would at least maintain consistently in future poems- to help the flow and rhythm feel natural and not chaotic.

That's all I have for suggestions!

Summary

Your piece is a short poem about disdain for winter as it is a cold and lifeless time. I had no major suggestions for you today other than considering how the rhyme scheme affects the flow as well as how word choices/tone is perceived.

I particularly liked the lines, "You are all alone~In a truly cold world" they really summarize the narrator's feeling about winter but also seem to allude to a deeper meaning. Nicely written~

I hope my review was helpful,

Keep Writing,

~Katja






Hey Katja!
Thank you so much for your review. I had a hard time keeping the rhyme scheme for the most part, but I also knew that a poem's lines don't always haven't rhyme. This piece wasn't written with a whole lot of time because it was just creativity flowing through. When I rewrite this piece I will take everything into consideration. Thank you again!



User avatar
26 Reviews


Points: 136
Reviews: 26

Donate
Mon Nov 18, 2019 3:31 am
Nymeria wrote a review...



Alright. Interesting. Not my perspective for sure, but completely valid.

I liked how you rhymed some lines but not all of them-- excessive rhyming can be annoying.

"On the oh-so depressing days" I thought that this line was awkward. The 3-line stanza before this one wrapped itself up really nicely and this one felt kind of sloppy. Just the last line, really.

"Just know these winter days

Shall not remain"
This conclusion felt a bit awkward too. It didn't flow with the rest of the poem. On the one hand, it does feel like an ending, a "and that's how it is" sort of thing, but on the other hand, it's abrupt and not very elegant.

"And That's okay" The capital T is a typo, I'm guessing.

I'm so happy you were able to use the correct "your"s throughout the poem :)

Keep writing!

Nymeria






Thank you so much for your review! And it was a typo, but I really appreciate the time you took to review my work! I actually really struggled with writing this peace and keeping the rhythm. I'll take your advice into consideration when I rewrite this piece.




I would rather die of passion than of boredom.
— Émile Zola