Young Writers Society

Hey, here's that review!
First of all, I really like the poem because I can relate to it on two levels; as the lover and the loved. And that's what a poet needs to do, right? Connect to his/her readers. So well done on that aspect.
"Worthwhile" is one word. The space is unnecessary.
It's a good topic, but I feel like you should try to watch the syllable count for all the lines. A deviation of one or two doesn't make too much of a difference, but more than that and the poem loses its beat. So extend some lines and cut short others. For example, you've ended one stanza with
"He made me feel like life was worth while."
and another with
"This is why I fall".
The same goes for most of the starting lines. Try to follow some kind of beat or pattern to ensure a smoother reading.
I'd suggest using a larger vocabulary? I mean, it's only my personal opinion, but I feel like the poem can have a few words that sound better or slightly more vivid. But that's up to you.
This, according to me, is the best written stanza because it has good imagery, diction and beat:
"Losing you because of feelings

Means I have done wrong as your friend

I would rather be coated in jealousy

Than to keep you all for me"



Your grammar and spellings are great, but I'd suggest ending each stanza with a full stop. It pleases the eye.

Great poem! I'd love to see and review more of your work. I hope I wasn't too critical with my review!

Wow. This poem is amazing. You really put your feelings out there and showed us how you feel. I admire you for being able to sort out these feelings and put them in a beautiful piece of art like this. You have captured the life of many others going through this situation. Thanks for sharing this with the world and being such an amazing poet.

Wow. I'm so sorry. <3


You are such a freaking wonderful person! *hugs*

Hello! Rin here to review this amazing poem!

Can I just tell you that this poem really hit me deep? Like friendships between a boy and a girl are always complicated because of what people say, but things are harder when you develop feelings for the other! I really related to this poem because it has surley happend to me at one point or another!

Now, here are some things that I loved:

Emotion- I loved the emotion behind this poem. It gave me 'You Belong With Me' by Taeylor Swift vibes. All I could see, especially after this stanza,

"I love you for who you are

I am not like the other girls

Who have broken your heart

I have loved you from the start"

I could just see that whole vibe, you've been there this whole time and been a girl who he should be with rather than others who don't treat him like he deserves, and that's a rough position to be in.

The part where you talked about supressing your emotions for the better of the friendship hit deep as well. It's so hard to be there for someone whom you love but you can't do anything about it because you would rather have them as a friend than nothing at all.

Length- Poetry is great because it allows so much freedom! However, there are times where authors get an idea and write so much in a poem that is drags on the message and makes it more of a hassle to read than it's worth. You poem is the perfect length! Not too long to drag it out but not too short to cut off what your emotions are!

One criticism which is really light-your rhyme scheme.
I wasn't sure if you had one because every now and them in the poem I would see it but then it would dissapear again. I just have to say that if you want your poem to have a rhyme scheme, keep it constant through out, and if you don't, then keep it free verse.
Now it just may have worked out tha way that certain parts ended up writing but this was the only thing "negative" for me to say, even though it's not even a big deal.

Amazing poem, keep writing!

~Rin

Let me start off by saying that the words are simple yet have so much impact. They really outline the intensity of the person's feelings as well as their inner turmoil. This is a very relevant piece and is relatable to all because many fall in love with someone you cannot have without destroying the friendship that has been built. I love how the sentences are short and that really shows how matter of fact the feelings of the speaker and emphasises the inner conflict of pursuing a possible love interest or sustaining a cherished friendship. I also admire the selflessness of the speaker... she loves him so purely that his happiness matters more than hers. It's true what they say... "If you love someone, set them free."

I look forward to future pieces and ideas! Keep up the brilliant work!

-theperishedrose ♡

[ Edit ]

Good job!!