Just Clowning Around: Part 1 - 1.3

Hello, super quick review for this quick chapter!
This chapter is short, but also has a lot of things in it. (So specific, I know)
I'm not sure why, but I got a little excited when Rei found Arson. (Wait, am I becoming a serial killer? Maybe I'm just excited for the story to continue.) Anyway, on to the next thing. The last paragraph was really interesting for me. I didn't expect that he would be the kind of person to give money and food to a homeless person, which changes a lot of things, because it means that while Rei is a killer, he also helps people, so he has a very complex background. Unless there's a plot twist that the apple was secretly poisoned.

I'm not completely cold-hearted. I like to help those who actually need it.

As Rei wasn't a very friendly towards strangers

Hello again, my friend!

So, Rei found his next victim. The moral half of me is saying "Oh no!" but the inner horror-lover is saying "Oh YES!" You know what I mean?

You did a good job describing Arson's character, as someone friendly on the surface but quick to turn sour. That provides a possible hint as to why Rei may see him as someone worth getting rid of. It's also very interesting to learn that subtle fact about Rei, toward the end. That despite being a psycho around his own brother and complete strangers in the cafe (and being a literal serial killer of course), he still has *some* sense of right and wrong. Again, it's an interesting note about a killer, and a potential hint about how he got to this point, which I hope to learn soon.

There was a *minor* structure error toward the beginning of the chapter.

"As Rei wasn't a very friendly towards strangers -and not really a people person in general..."

This sentence seems jumbled, like it may have gotten a little botched during a revision. I get that struggle, haha. Anyway, it would sound better as...

"As Rei wasn't very friendly toward strangers -and not really a people person in general..."

To make it really flow, maybe even consider...

"As Rei wasn't a friend toward strangers -or a friend to most people in general..."

Likewise, it feels like that moment with the tracker could flow a bit better. It felt like one thing got described, so we the readers picture that, but then crucial details get added *afterward*. If that makes sense?

Right now, the moment is structured with Rei quickly making his move, then crucial details on *how* he did it are only given afterward. It reads as "Rei plants tracker >> bumps into shoulder >> there was a tear in the jacket."

I think it would read a bit better, for example, as something like...Rei slips through the crowd and sees Arson. He notices a small tear in Arson's suit. He goes out, purposefully bumps into him, and THEN plants the tracker. In other terms, "Rei sees a tear in Arson's suit >> he bumps into Arson >> he plants a tracker." This sequence just makes more sense. It would also add a bit of suspense, as putting more details into Rei plotting his course could make the readers doubt if he'll be successful, and even wonder if he'll get caught.

Of course, this is just my opinion, and I am no professional.

Overall, it felt like this chapter was setting the stage for something gruesome, and I am here for it. Can't wait to see what happens!

REIII is backk! *Cheers*

I'm like, 4 days late, but here I am now to leave a review!! Was really excited when you said you were gonna post this

I'm not completely cold-hearted. I like to help those who actually need it.

For now, Rei seems like an antihero. He’s after Arson, who appears to be a famous rich man without a care in the world and he back to a homeless man. I give him points for that! Whatever is in store for Arson won’t be good…he better watch his back. (or his shoulder, depending on how one looks at it). I’ve enjoyed this chapter.

I hope that you will have an awesome day/night.

Hey there! This is loveissourgrapes and I am here to give you a little review/comment. I saw the cover art and I loved it so I clicked on this chapter. I loved how it gives off mysterious and horror like vibes. Maybe you should make this twelve+ because it could be a little scary for some readers especially the younger ones. Rei seems like a very good and well described. He does things like a killer and psychopath. The ending felt short though. Did Rei kill Arson or he just wanted to see him and then kill him some other time? Since I have not read the other parts of chapter one of Just Clowning Around, I had a question in mind. How did Rei know Arson Brooks named?

Overall, writing-wise it was great. This is a review for the Tortoise Review Race. Have a great day/night! Keep on writing! I love this too!

Greetings @ SkyJayde!

I am here with a quick review with some shell-ightful insights...

I must say that I truly enjoyed reading this fascinating piece of yours. I can't really say why, but it's just that some stories have this secret special sauce in them that literally makes you want to read more. And yours definitely has that.

The main character, Rei, seems to me to be a very unique person with a unique perspective on the world. You chose the perfect name for him, it has both elements of mystery and intrigue.

But he has a very interesting personality as well. He is a killer, yes, but an interesting one. Killers tend to see the world through a much darker and more compelling lens, in a way that no one else does. And to read the mind of such a person is very fascinating and exciting for me.

I am assuming that Arson Brooks is no stranger to Rei, since Rei knows his last name. Or he could just be a famous celebrity. But there must be something really dark and twisted about him that led Rei to put a tracker on him, because a killer doesn't kill without a reason, even if it's one of the most uncanny and unlogical reasons.

I missed the motive of the killer in the story. The reason why Rei kills certain people at certain times for certain reasons. A killer's motive is one of the biggest twists in a story, so if you have it figured out but haven't revealed it yet, I can understand, because psychological thrillers tend to be as twisted as the twisted person in the story.

It is truly interesting to read that Rei has a good side as well. It is quite fascinating, because it actually makes his personality much more fascinating.

It was a pleasure to read this chapter of the story, not only because of your imagination, but also because of your unique style of writing that made it even more captivating.
Keep on doing what you do!



Me,

Red Riddle Rose

Hey there,

I'm here to leave you a review!



First of all, I think that last line the the most convincing of it all. You did a great job of bringing both personalities of Arson and Rei alive and I think your descriptions made your story more lively.

I think you could have placed some kind recap on "Just Clowning Around: Part 1 - 1.3" before starting this one with "Later that day"

I feel like it is a bit open started. I mean for someone who didn't read the first chapters and the prologue this is a bit weird starting. If you did some kind of recap for example, "Rei, a killer clow. He kills people for fun and wants the police to fin his victims. He always has a big bright smile on his face when he took someone's life. People and the police identify them as The happy clown."

Or you could have done something like this too, what you did for one of your other chapters:

There is a prologue before this chapter. Go check it out! It may help to understand Rei a little bit better and give a little more context overall! Just Clowning Around: Part 1 - Prologue