I want to share this with you and would like to have some help.
If you have hard work to do,
Do it now.
Today the sky is clear and blue,
Tomorrow clouds may come in view.
Yesterday is not for you;
Do it now.
If you have a song to sing,
Sing it now.
Let the tones of gladness ring,
Clear as the song of birds in spring,
Let each day bring some music,
into this glorious life.
If you have some kinds of word to say,
say them now,
Tomorrow may not come your way;
Do a kindness while you may,
Loved ones will not always stay;
so say them now.
If you have a smile to show,
show it now,
Make hearts happy, roses grow,
Let the friends around you know
The love you have before they go;
Show it now.
-Ani.
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I knew that this poem didn't work well.
Thanks for the suggestions Incandescence & electricbluemonkey.
ANI--
There's not too much to work with here. It reads as if you pulled each stanza from a Hallmark card and vomitted it up on a Word document.
For future reference, consider poems that escape standard presentations of standard ideas and emotions.
This orbits a level very close to amateur.
Best,
Brad
The title and the whole premise seemed kind of...corny, for a lack of a better word. The rhyming was generic and didn't follow a stable pattern.
The tones of gladness. That sounds like something a five year old would say. You should experiment with different words. Gladness doesn't sound so good. Maybe kindness, happiness?
'Clear as song of bird in spring'? I really don't get that. 'Clear as the song of a bird in spring' maybe. Or 'As clear...'
On the fifth lines, I don't know if you were trying to rhyme bring with the other 'ing' words. You could divide it up and put 'some music' into the next line.
This was probably the best written and most powerful stanza.