I Am You...

Thanks Patrick!

Definately keep writing poems I liked it, keep up the work.

Hey thanks!

And welcome to the site.

I really liked that Definately carry on writing, I think you'll go far!

Thank you so much guys for commenting on my poem.

And thanks bandhu!!(Jacquie)

I've changed the word 'requisite' to 'necessary' ,hope it is sounding good.








-Sayani.

I am you…
your mind.

You should keep writing poetry...it was good.

I think this was a great poem. You have a wonderful knowledge of what vocabulary to use. I think you should use necessary instead of requisite however.

Great poem!

What about my question that I asked that should I replace requisite with necessary??












-sayani

Thank you so much Zell

And yes of course I agree with you on the poll thing.










-sayani.

i really liked that excellent i really liked this bit I am a benediction to the living world,
an oblation by the Lord.
I am not obstinate.

(the poll) i think anyone can write poems even me and i've only writen one poem i think i'm not sure but hey it dosn't have to be perfect it has to be good and in a way every one is not perfect you just have to be good which is everyone because different people have different opions

Thanks to you all for appreciating my work, and for the kind words.

I’ll soon take away the poll cuz I think you all are right that who cares if someone likes it or not, if I want to right I should go for it.

Some questions that I want to ask are that should I replace the word requisite with necessary?
And I edited the last two line so, is it now a bit sensible ?

I am you…
Don’t you recognize me?
I am your mind.

I have a tendency to give stupid advice, so let me just say it reminded me of Sad But True by Metallica except it was more wordy. Aside from that, do everything emotion_less said.

In answer to your question, yes. You should keep writing poetry! Everyone should. As you said, this is your first (or one of your first) attempts at it, so you'll get better with time, practice and exposure to good poetry. Read as much of it as possible, keep writing and never give up because someone didn't like something you wrote. I'll be looking out for your future efforts.

The tone for this is fitting for the poem and it goes along nicely. Some parts, however, it is a little rough, like this stanza:
I make you commendable,
Demeanor depends on me
Prediction is what I can tell.
It's mostly the last two lines. They kind of point-blank state something while the rest of the poem is not as much like that.

Then there were some lines that didn't really seem right.

I am something requisite to you.
The way 'requisite' in the sentence doesn't seem exactly right. I would suggest re-wording the sentence to clarify it.

I propagate in youself the ability
Again, this sentence doesn't seem right. And what ability are you talking about? You didn't mention this before or after you talked about it. If you are referring to something, clarify. Also, 'yourself' seems to be a typo.

I am not an immigrant
The way you put this, it would seem like you would have something along the lines of a stranger, not an immigrant (whether metaphorical or literal). I would choose a different word.

It is pretty good for a first poem. I suggest you take away the poll though... Write what you like- who cares if you are "bad" at it? But it really was pretty good overall. Keep writing.