I've never really written anything like this....so this is my first try........I would like suggestions on improving it.
"Remembering you...."
Days passed by
Thoughts remained,
You were gone
And I was all alone.
Unforgettable petals
kept bothering my flower.
I wanted to touch you,
to feel you.
My hungry eyes
starved to see you.
I suffer each moment
I think of you.
The only thing remained,
were those silent pictures.
I dreamt of those
cheerful days.
Those pampared days
Will those days come back?
Will those moments come back?
Will you come back?
I wish to meet again...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Thank you for reading it.And also thanks for the suggestion....
~Shine~
Ok, what will I say, this definately sounds like a heart breaking poem- most of it has been corrected but erm I could add something else, yes. you could try using alliteratins and some ryming words. However, maybe this how you wanted the poem to be like.#'ve got a suggestion for the first stanza though. The first stanza last line could be it was all done since it rymes with gone.
THANK YOU.
Thank you so much to all of you for reading my poem.
Passion:I guess thats life.
guitargrl1323:Thank you
Ashton:Ok I wil edit it.
yukidizon:Thank you sweetie.
CJeanene13:hehe...this wasn't on my boyfriend,but yah my crush who was a good friend.Ahem!
I could see the longing of the person, feel their emotion. It was very well done.
I agree with the comments made above, except that I haven't had a boyfriend like that.
I know how it is to want to be with someone and your poem expressed very good emotion.
I thought it was very good, the structure was also good.
Once again, the emotion and structure caught my eye.
Beautifully written. I could sense the sadness and longing of the narrator. I've never read anything like this before, so serene and calm with a deeper meaning. I like it very much.
Keep up the good work!
A spelling error... Unforgetable is spelled Unforgettable
[quote]Unforgetable petals
kept bothering my flower.
I wanted to touch
you,to feel you.[/quote
I would just restructure it like.... this maybe....
Unforgetable petals
kept bothering my flower.
I wanted to touch you,
to feel you.
This is a good poem, I think if you put more descriptive words into you poetry and keep writing, your poems will be amazing! Like the person said before me: your poems are short, sweet and to the point. But if you describe a bit more they will be stunning! Keep writing, you will succeed.
This is really good. Short, sweet(ish?) and to the point. I can really relate to this. A really good friend of mine passed away a year and a half ago and this poem reminded me of him. keep writing=]
I've felt that way once. I might hav been stupid because the guy only wanted me for my body, but to me that was true love. I wanted him and I missed him. It ended badly, but I lived.