wings of glass
when I gaze up at the night sky,
I see dragons made of starlight
gliding on wings of glass;
i feel they could shatter at a glance,
and i wish for the days of old.
do you see them
when you gaze up at the stars?
do you see the dragons
made of starlight and glass?
gaze up at the night sky with me
and watch those majestic beasts
glide between the stars
and hide in the dark spaces
most fail to see.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
I love it! I don't know what else to say....
Hello, Daisy here to review for you today!
I do feel like you haven't twisted the cliché of dragons a lot, but your wonderful use of imagery is certainly original enough to give your poem a fresh feel to it.
I love the idea of glass dragons and starlight, and I wished you had expanded on this a little more as it is such an interesting idea and image that I have not seen the likes of before. I feel like an expansion of this idea, rather than the repetition of it in question form, would be a better use of your second stanza, and would have elevated your poem up in quality.
The third stanza is nice, and I love the way you phrased the ideas there. I am awed by your last line. It's a powerful end to the poem, a strong final phrase on a lovely idea. It also leads the reader to reflect a little, which is wonderful.
Overall, you have a wonderful grasp of imagery and vocabulary, but they could be better served by being expanded on rather than repeated.
Keep writing!
Hello there ScarlettFire! SilentBagpipe here to review some of your work...
First I must say that your poem attracted me because I am a big fan of dragons. I love the majestic side of dragons and your poem really captured that.
Just a few grammar things.. your tittle "wings of glass" should be capitalized like "Wings of Glass", also throughout the poem when you start a new sentence you should put capitalization on the first word of the sentence, for example at "do you see them", you should have the "d" in "do" capitalized. Other than those little things I really enjoyed your poem and am happy to see someone else enjoys the majestic dragons as much as I do!
Keep writing!
Silent Bagpipe
This is definitely the better showing of the two I've looked at so far today. The imagery and sentiment are both core-tight and wrapped finely. My major critique here is to be more professional and flavored with the line breaks, as at this stage they're peppered at predictable soft-stops. It's optional, though. Always optional. Something for an experiment.
My second critique is regarding the first stanza, just the image of the dragons shattering. It's a bit too violent for the gentle images you have here - because when I think of giant glass beings shattering, I visualize blood and death and it's horrible. Maybe you see it differently, like a falling of ice gently over the fields. Again, not a real edit, per se, because this piece doesn't exactly beg for edits, but it's an experiment for possible future images that may arise from the experiments and experiments that branch off.
I just like this. A lot. It's simple and lovely. Simple as that.
Ty
This is Kaos here for a review!
So I can already tell that this poem is imagery-based and not based off of a particular theme, which has its ups and downs. The imagery used in this first stanza is interesting with dragons made of starlight but the reader doesn't really know what it means other than it's some pretty descriptions that you have. You need to at least give the reader a guide on how to interpret the poem. It's a two-part job on interpretation, you need to have something that's supposed to be interpreted and the reader has the job of interpreting the poem, whether they get the intended meaning or not.
I didn't like this stanza because all it did was mostly regurgitate what was already said in the first stanza but in question form. I'm quite iffy when it comes to using questions in poetry because they're usually hit or miss. Sometimes they're a strong way to make a line more powerful, sometimes they're not. It's mostly just repetitions and I think it would be stronger if you added something new to it rather than it just being /all/ things said earlier in the poem.
This is an interesting last stanza that I think has potential to be even stronger. I wanted to bring up the lack of punctuation here and I think the poem would benefit with having it. With the dragons hiding in the dark spaces I wanted more of that, give us them hiding in the cracks and crevices of space where no starlight shines. Give us more. Give us more on the physical description of the dragons than what we have now, because we never really got that in the poem either. This poem has a lot of potential to be stronger; the ending was an ending, and it worked for what it was, but improvement can always be made.
I hope I helped and have a great day!