Polaris,
Unanchored
Polaris anchored, though still heaving
in a sea of stars, the darkness
scatters
--light refrains; ursa minor
and stardust
amongst a billion galaxies.
Unanchored, stardust and
shadows
in the arc of a butterfly's
wings
--watered or wings; beauty
unparalled
in a sea of bright sparks.
Polaris in a sea of stars,
child of stardust and light
--light refrains; ursa minor
and stardust
hidden between the dark.
Moonfire grinds night into a
glow,
hiding Polaris behind its
shadow
--watered or wings; beauty
unparalled
in a sea of grey and green.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Hey this is EverWinter here for a review! (Please forgive any spelling mistakes or something Im on moblie so... Ya know how it is)
Okay, so the first thing i have to say about this is that its really short. Thats okay but you could make it longer and it would still be great.
Secondly, its really repetitive. You say stardust a lot. It get boring when you do that and i think you should just try to stear away from that. The unanchored is okay because its in the title.
Lastly, Polaris is a really well known star that could really work for you. But some readers might just think you were too lazy to find a star that isnt as used as the north star. But you could go either way. Some might not know any other star so it would be more relatable but others might find it cliche.
Anyway, i like this piece. You did a great job. I like the use of constelations mentions of galaxies and such. You did fabulous. Let me know if this was helpful or not.
Thanks
EverWinter
Hi this is Spartan 118 her with a super awesome amazing super awesome cool fun time review, I hope you love this review.
First off let me say that the title of this poem is really eye catching and I'm surprised that there are not other reviews for this poem. Second I didn't find any grammar or punctuation errors and honestly I wasn't looking for them or care if there are any because I am not a grammar or punctuation Nazi like some people. Third I love how this poem is about the constellations and it shows how much you time you take to learn the names of the stars. Fourth this poem shows how smart you are and how much time and effort you have taken into learning the names of a few constellations. Fifth this is honestly one of my new favorite poems yet. I love this poem and it really feels good to read something like this once in a while. I hope you keep up the good work and keep on making poems like this it's good to see this type every now and again..
I hope you have a wonderful day, evening, night, or morning depending on where you live.
I hope you loved this super awesome amazing super awesome cool fun time review and I plan on reviewing more of your works later on in time. Have a wonderful time and keep up the good work.