empty pages
snowy, empty pages stretching out
for miles, blank and lonely, floating
in the dark spaces between the stars;
bright yet dark, a sly foreshadowing,
growing wildly, of things yet to come.
the chilling darkness rising, gloating
covering white with black, breaking down
in the dark spaces between the stars;
shadows and silence, growing wildly,
the rising thunder of a beating drum.
snowy, empty pages stretching out
covering black with white, lingering
in the dark spaces between the stars;
bright yet dark, shadows and silence,
growing wildly, speaking of things to come.
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Canary word: Present
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140,690 Literary Works • 673,595 Reviews
Hi there, happy review day!
Okay, this poem does have something to it. I can see this is given some effort. I suggest you write about each line separately. With that, you can make many more poems for both you and your readers to enjoy. However, the title is empty pages. Were you experiencing writers block when this happened? If so, then that is alright. It is bound to happen. Heck, it happens to me all the time aha// Anyway I love the last verse, especially that last part "speaking of things yet to come". That has to be my favorite part.
I am going to read more of your works, as I can infer you have plenty to read and have been writing for a while. Good luck. You will improve, my suggestion is to keep writing. Thank you.
I think that this poem has great potential. Especially since it sounds a lot like what I feel sometimes when I hit writer's block (lol). But... anyways, I think you could expand on it a bit if you wanted to. But the poem in itself is pretty nice. I just wish there was more to it. =P
A list of words too weak for a poem lacking potency or real identity that we're going to work on, in order:
blank, floating, dark, bright, dark, darkness, dark, covering, dark, bright, dark
Why did you use dark so much? That may be the crux of the entire issue here - you used a single word five times, six with a relative. That's suicide in poetry. In the minimal space poetry allots, you choose words carefully and you choose them based on power and delicacy, so things that a four year old knows how to describe? Not that potent. They can be potent with context. They can be potent with buildup and contrast and descriptors. But just repeated dark? Nah.
So you've got a piece that starts as reading about writing, but then gets way too dramatic for the topic and gets lost in its own drama among the stars and darkness and. I think it just gets lost. Or rather it depicts the creative process - I get that - but you don't really connect the pieces properly and for that reason you suffer in the realm of disjointed flow and ideology.
Basically, give yourself some breathing room, find some synonyms, and give this piece some TLC because it deserves it.
All the best,
Ty