Young Writers Society

Hi Felistia I would like to write a review.

I love the description in this poem, it puts me right there. I can almost feel the snowflakes on my skin and I can see the storm. It has a sense of foreboding and yet is beautiful at the same time. I am fond of poems that depend on the description.

I am not sure the opening line is the right one to use, but that's a small complaint.
Keep up the good work.

Scarli! Pomp here for a quick review~

I liked the line 'snowflakes drift on sighing winds'. It gave me these lovely nostalgic feels and is actually a really really nice way of ending the poem--the tone carried a lot of serenity and hurt, hurt from a bitter storm that the snowflakes have seen.

What I did not like was the first line, which is a pity, because the last two lines are such a wonderful contrast to their quality. The voice gets richer as the reader enters the poem, and it ought to be more ... consistent.

One of the complaints I had about this piece was that it's a snapshot piece and it's quite vague in what it's trying to say. You need to add more 'meh' to this and build around the imagery, so the point you're trying to convey hits the reader a little harder. From what I managed to gather, so far, was that you're attempting to use the wind as a signal for change, taking us through the various phases of a storm--or through different kinds of storms (i.e.: both the summer and winter ones).

I think there needs to be a stronger binding force than the repetition of 'storm and snowflake' imagery, because right now it reads as kind of scattered, and the reader is left wondering what the narrator really means. It's like you were talking about serenity in its holistic form, like when a water body is serene and someone drops a pebble into it. A ripple forms, it moves outwards, it causes change. Then the water returns once more to tranquillity. This is only how I interpreted the poem, of course, and because it's a NaPo poem (which are generally written in a hurry XD) I don't think this was written with the same intentions as I've interpreted it? Even so, this has a lot of potential, if I was able to ramble at such length about it. XD

My advice: Build your focus somewhat better. You mention certain things, but never expand upon them. For example, 'snowflakes of desire'. What kind of desire? Are the snowflakes desirous of something or are they desired by someone else? And why? And if the arrival of snowflakes means a storm, too, why would anyone be desirous of them? 'dawning' also doesn't really fit in with the stormlike turbulent imagery you've got rolling here, because when the sun rises, its rays seep into the world and it's quite a slow process as opposed to the whirlwind way with which storms come and go. I think focus isn't built just on the basis of what it being said, but how it's being said, and this is why your word-choice ought to complement the scene you're building. c: The narrator mostly abides to this, but it's just little dashes of inconstancy that need working on.

There are some places where the imagery shifts suddenly, and that's a little off-putting. Like here:

...of the summer storms; winter is coming.

you should beware of teeth and claws.

Hey there! I'm here for quite a quick review.

This is really very nice - I like the imagery and such. And it's cool that you wrote this for NaPo - that's such a great commitment. I did it last year and was really glad I did. Anyway, on to the critique!

Formatting
You really don't need the title in bold at the beginning of the work. We already saw the title at the top of the page. We don't need it again.

Also, this would look better if the stanzas were single-spaced, not double-spaced. The way you do this on here is to press "shift+enter" to make a new single-spaced line, and then just "enter" for the double-spaced lines. So you would use "enter" to make a new stanza, and "shift+enter" to make a new line within the stanza.

Other
I don't really understand why the village is cheering the end of summer storms. Usually, farming villages welcome summer storms since they help crops grow, and fear the winter, which brings cold and starvation. Shouldn't they be worried? Also, the "you should beware" just sounds odd because the rest of the poem isn't addressed to anyone in particular. I'd just leave it as "beware of teeth and claws."

snowflakes settling in hair and on skin

in the aftermath of the storm.

Wow this is really heavy on the imagery But seriously, wow. This was an epic piece. It is kind of similar to the end of The Giver by Lois Lowry.

Great job!