On the Wind

Felistia here with a review

Yet another great poem. The beginning is brilliant, a perfect way to start the poem. I can relate to this poem very easily as my time seems to run away from day to day. The descriptions in here are great and it is very emotional. I wasn't sure why you called it On The Wind until the end, which is a flawless way to end the piece. I love your work and hope to see more in the future.

Hello Mufasa's Killer!
MergSword here with a review.

Creativity: 5/5 I like the creativity of word choice, but that's another thing. I consider realism as a part of creativity, in which you did great! ( Round of applause )

Word Play: Another great choice! Here are some notable lines.
Like sand through an hourglass, time is slipping away from me: Great Intro!
It jumps and hops, and skips, and never seems to run smooth anymore: Great " Post " Intro!
Again, time is drifting away from me, like silver petals on the wind: AWSOME ENDING
I love your figurative language!
5/5

PERFECT 5/5 out of 10!

Hi, Scarlett!

I agree with the previous reviewer that this created a sort of peaceful mood. However, I'm not sure if that was your intention, with the hops and skips and jumps... did you mean them to be like staccatos and make the readers feel threatened (for the lack of a better word)? Even with those words in, the overall picture seems to be rather blank, almost.

I'm not sure if I like the capitalisation of "déjà vu". I understand that since you say "in", the capital letters are there to make it more concrete, like an actual place where you can live in. However, with the general assumption that the places we're in are real places and therefore capitalised, I think it might be more interesting if you wrote it like it usually is written, with the lowercase letters.

When a poem is as short as this is, there should be a particularly big emphasis on the rhythm. As of now, it feels quite all over the place, with nothing to hold onto. That makes it sort of dull and uninteresting, even though the poem isn't dull or uninteresting. The rhythm and pace is actually more important than you would think, because it's what holds the words together and creates the feeling of entity.

Again, time is drifting away from me, like petals on the wind.

Hi!

I really liked this, it reminded me of days by phillip larkin (part is in my signature, check it out)

I would seperate it into two stanzas personally, to show a clear distinction.
Then it's life and time seperate, and then the repetition makes the link in the poem.

Where you have colours;

grey and yellow,black and gold, white and red.

Hey ))

I think this poem is awesome!
A very meaningful poem and it does slip away from our hand within a blink of an eye :S

Anyway, the lines I thought that were wondeful!

Like sand through an hourglass, time is slipping away from me.

It fades in and out, grey and yellow, black and gold, white and red.

Up seems to be down, and down seems to be up.
Dizzy and wistful, hopeful and delirious.

And I may as well be living in Deja Vu.

It jumps and hops, and skips, and never seems to run smooth anymore.

It hops, skips and jumps. Left to right, right to left.
There never seems to be any order anymore.

Scarliee! How fair is it that you're like the best SB:er and you write poetry this amazing!?

Anyhows, this was really good! Amazing imagery and symbolism!

Like sand through an hourglass, time is slipping away from me. - This is a really good line to begin with, it's catchy and caught my interst at once!
It jumps and hops, and skips, and never seems to run smooth anymore.
It fades in and out, grey and yellow, black and gold, white and red. I like the originality in this line, I mean many have referred to color in poetry but I like how you write "black and gold" "white and red" instead of "black and white"
Up seems to be down, and down seems to be up.
Dizzy and wistful, hopeful and delirious.
Like sand through my fingertips, life is running away on me. Another great line! And it goes well with the first line, as does the second line tie together the poem with the line below!
It hops, skips and jumps. Left to right, right to left.
There never seems to be any order anymore.
And I may as well be living in Deja Vu.
Again, time is drifting away from me, like petals on the wind.

Like sand through an hourglass, time is slipping away from me.
It jumps and hops, and skips, and never seems to run smooth anymore.
It fades in and out, grey and yellow, black and gold, white and red.
Up seems to be down, and down seems to be up.
Dizzy and wistful, hopeful and delirious.
Like sand through my fingertips, life is running away on me.
It hops, skips and jumps. Left to right, right to left.
There never seems to be any order anymore.
And I may as well be living in Deja Vu.
Again, time is drifting away from me, like petals on the wind

I loved this poem because I share your feeling, time is a ruthless thing, and yet, all we want is more of it.
I didn't really like your metaphor of hoping, skipping and jumping- I feel it doesn't really describes the pass of time properly, nevertheless, it worked, so what do I know?

Once again I must say you're a very talented writer- I'm truly saddened by the fact I first read a poem of yours today, I feel like I missed so much.

I have nothing else to say- as this poem is great as it is, I can't think of anything to improve it.
SubjectBlue

I'm not great at interpreting poems, so I didn't really expect to understand this. All I got was a vague idea... you're talking about time slipping away? How time moves away from you? I thought the words were nice, but some of the more common ones could be replaced to really make this unique. It has potential, but I think it could be a lot more.

The flow is okay, but I'd like to see some more separation. Emphasize some words, really get that poetic feel. It's giving off a bit of prose vibe right now... but I could be the only one feeling that.

It's great though!
Thanks for the read!
-Dai

First of all, I love the title. It's eye-catching. Second, ofcourse, your poem is quite good. The flow is not disturbed once and the message was easily conveyed to me.

ScarlettFire wrote:Like sand through an hourglass, time is slipping away from me.

ScarlettFire wrote:Again, time is drifting away from me, like petals on the wind

very nice poem you have going here.the choice of words are very creative, the main point is very clear.i liked it and adding colors to it all made it seem more real.nice job!

LOVE IT!!!!!! You're so awesome! I like the theme of time also:

black and gold,