Down

I like the idea and sense of this. A poem but caught just before a story. I feel like to make it more poem like you need to break the lines. I wrote a poem/story merge and I put line breaks in it even though I was telling a story.
I get a dark vibe from this which I like. The descriptions in the middle stanza about the bed give it a nice edge which I found pleasing to the theme of the whole thing.

Nice work, all I say is turn the paragraphs into more stanzaish to give it a poetic feel. But I really appreciate what you have produced here.

Creepy!

I loved this part:

"This (And Forever) is what happens when Scar is Bored and has No Computer. Crit, etc welcome and apprecitated, if you feel inclined. Enjoy!"
It was full of humor, and it prepares for the worst.

This part is, though, the best:
"Down

The room smelt of cheap perfume and spilt liquor. She sat before the mirror, cigarette in one hand, old lipstick in the other. When she smiled, it didn’t reach her eyes. She asked, “How can I help you?” and turned around.

And a voice whispered, “Who are you? No--it doesn’t matter. Do you trust me? Good, now follow me down. You can trust me right now.”

She lay on the bed, her arms around his neck as she pulled him down. The bed was old and damaged, but she was far too bewitching, what with her fiery hair and unassuming eyes. And she whispered, “Baby, are you sure you want to try this ride?” But there was no reply.

And there was a whisper in the dark, “It’s okay, darling. You can trust me now. Why don’t you follow me down?”

Why don’t you follow me down?"
I loved the whole point with it. It also makes me feel darkened. I don't know why, but it does. Everything about it makes me feel creeped out, and I want to leave the room. As if she was behind me, ready to choke me, ready to take me down.

6/6

Love, Bob Walker!

hmmm....
she's insane, i suppose...
but maybe you dont know yourself.
i do that sometimes.
or is this about suicide?
it is pretty discombobulating.