That's What I Thought

You said you loved me, like the rain in July.
You said it was beautiful, when I drew your name on my heart.
You said it didn't matter, when I decided to lie.
But then you told me the truth and it tore me apart.


I love this stanza, it's my favorite in the entire poem


Like the calm before a storm, you looked at me and saw nothing of value,
nothing worth the effort to describe. And I stared back at you, saw my whole life.
The one thing that was always true for me. The dream, and the reality.
But it wasn't meant to be. You had told the truth,
and the truth was that you hated me.


Wow, that is strong, so far- nothing bothers me.


Like the raging wind before the tree would fall, was the look in your eyes.
It was cold and it was warmthless, like the chill in the snow.
The way it was when we first met, and you smiled my way.
And if the trees could tell a thousands tales, they'd tell of you and I,
when we met and were standing in the snow, regardless of the cold.


Cold and warmthless? It's just unnecessary. but aside from that- great.


So fast, the months flew by, like summertime at the beach and the eb-and-flow
of the tides, and the pounding of the surf. You smiled then, all the time.
And I knew I was enchanted with your eyes and the way you danced in the summer rains.
With the way you smiled and the way life lit up your eyes. I had wished that moment
would never end and hang suspended in time, but it wasn't meant to be.


I don't really have any problems here, either


You had told me you loved me, for the very first time. It was like the rain in July.
You had told me it was beautiful, for once. When I drew our names in the sand.
You had told me it didn't matter, again. When I cheated and I lied.
And then you had to tell the truth cause you couldn't do it anymore.


You cheated and lied, that's revealing there's more to the story- Deep.


And you ripped apart my heart and soul, like you had done to other boys,
a thousand times before. You didn't say it was lie, you didn't make it a curse.
You just thought you were doing it right, like your Mama had done to your Dad.
But you never stopped to think, never once thought about how much it hurts.
And you never, ever had to think about why it made those boys so damn sad.


The part about 'mama and dad' was ruining the so far beautiful imagery in my opinion, and it didn't rebalance afterwards- I felt like you lost the entire stanza here


So, I asked you. "Did you know how much it hurt me? Do you even stop to think about what you did?
Did you ever want to get to know me better? Or were you just looking for some fun?"
And you shook your head, told me no and that that 'wasn't what it was meant to be.'
That made me stop to think, to ask "Was this what you thought it was supposed to be?"
And when you didn't have an answer, I had one for you. You thought you were right, but I knew better.


Maybe instead of 'that that'- 'that it' cause it's confusing, and ruining the flow.


"Yeah," I said. "That's what I thought." And then I turned and walked away.

Great ending!



Now, I loved this poem- amazing imagery, spectacular story. I liked the very similar descriptions and images, it gave it a very strong core.
One thing I didn't get though, why was the narrator so blaming, if he's (if I realized properly the narrator is a boy, right?) the one who cheated and lied- he didn't really have the right to blame his partner for ending that relationship, does he?
He just seems a bit narcissistic to me.

But amazing, wonderful poem!
I loved it so much!
SubjectBlue

Ah, I'm probably going to repeat some things from the previous reviews, so I'm sorry. I'll try my best to make this worth your while.

I reviewed one of your other poems, and it seems you're drawn more towards the longer-line-type poem. For the other one, I'm not so sure how it fit, but I like the choice for this poem. It was elegant, the imagery was beautiful and it was full of emotion. I'd have a lot more to say if my eyes weren't so burned out and my brain hurting from so much reviewing... ugh. Okay, sorry, I'm off-topic.

It confused me a bit, the beginning, because the first stanza had a A-B-A-B rhyme pattern, and then the rest of the poem didn't even seem to try to rhyme. Not rhyming is fine, it's just strange when it switches back and forth. Also, this was a bit more prose-ish. It was like a poem and a story had a baby, and they called it this. Not a bad thing, just saying.

The length of this poem is quite long, but I think as long as your hold the reader's interest, don't repeat things, and keep it unique, it'll be fine.

Thanks for the read,
Dai

Okies, this will one of my first reviews in a long, long time so bear with me.

You said you loved me, like the rain in july.
You said it was beautiful, when I drew your name on my heart.
You said it didn't matter, when I decided to lie.
But then you told me the truth and it tore me apart.

The one thing that was always true for me. The dream, and the reality.

So fast, the months flew by, like summertime at the beach and the eb-and-flow
of the tides, and the pounding of the surf. You smiled then, all the time.
And I knew I was enchanted with your eyes and the way you danced in the summer rains.
With the way you smiled and the way life lit up your eyes. I had wished that moment
would never end and hang suspended in time, but it wasn't meant to be.

And you ripped apart my heart and soul, like you had done to other boys,
a thousand times before. You didn't say it was lie, you didn't make it a curse.
You just thought you were doing it right, like your Mama had done to your Dad.
But you never stopped to think, never once thought about how much it hurts.
And you never, ever had to think about why it made those boys so damn sad.

Helllooo! Im HarryPotterRocks and Ill be reviewing your poem.
Firstly, in the first line you need to write July with capital J (kind of like I did just now)
Then in the second line you wrote:

You said it was beautiful, when I drew you name in my heart.

Like the calm before a storm

Like the raging wind before the tree would fall, was the look in your eyes.

Like the raging wind before the tree would fall, that was the look in your eyes.

And you ripped apart my heart and soul, like you had done to other boys,

I read it, and really liked it! Each stanza sets up the next.

This poem is good. I think there is no anything to review.. Keep up!