Red

Well first of all thank you for teaching me the word bower. Definitely had to look that one up.

I love the rhythm, especially the second stanza. It was perfect. The white sound imagery was very good too, like white noise. Perfect little forest setting. I don't understand why she was looking cold, like was she looking coldly? Does she not like nature? Is that why the flower tripped her? She doesn't feel comfortable there?

Or was she just entranced by the sky, and missing the small details, and her coldness was just to enhance the imagery of the frozen clearing? Anyways great poem thank you.

Hi Sapi.

I'll be reviewing for you today!

I'm going to be really honest because time is tik-toking. I believe this was too simple to be so repetitive. You said the word "white" so many times, I feel like hanging around with crayolas in a bullet bag. Lol. I understand that you may be repeating for a reason (like emphasizing an idea that I probably can't see). What's the point of this poem? Honestly, I'm not even sure. I seriously think this piece lacks meat. If we were to see writing as if it were cooking, I'd say that this only has spices, but where's the main content? The rhythm is nice, I don't deny it, and you have potential as a poet, don't get me wrong~ but your stanzas got my like "Ehh. What?"

Alright. My suggestion for you is to find another way to say what's already been said. Instead of saying the color in a direct way, you can try and compare lilacs, roses, forests, and crows to white things. That would certainly give your poetry a magic touch and it would make it more entertaining and enjoyable.

Keep it up!

~GeeLyria

This poem is beautiful. Don't get me wrong, though! I've seen a lot of great poems, but this one stands out.

Like Elizabeth said, you used colors to dramatize your work. It's very creative and imaginative.

I saw no grammatical, spelling, or punctuation errors. Well,I did see one tiny punctuation mistake.


This part,

"Red rose
Red rose

White forest
White snows."

I thing the second rose should be changed to nose.

"Red rose
Red nose."
You see what I mean?
Also, comma after the first red rose.

All-in-all, I'd give it two and a quarter thumbs up.

~Swiftfur.

Hi there Sapi, and Happy Review Day ^-^ (Hurray for Team Blue!)
Feel free to ask me to review anything at any time ^-^ I honestly don’t mind. I also help with editing, it’s sort of my forte, so if you’re ever uncertain about your work or have over read a piece, you can have me examine it and I’ll do my best to give advice and whatnot. Kay anyhoo, Nippy’s here with encouragement, reviews, criticism and all of that enthralling stuff c:
Firsly, the first two parts I LOVED!
“White lilac,
White rose,
White forest,
White crows.

Red bloom
On the snow,
Black stem
Standing low,
Grey thorns
Tapered thin,
Gold leaves
Curled in.

White petals,
White ground,
White sunshine,
White sound.”

But then certain parts fell a bit flat for me after that, and I didn’t understand the “point” behind the poem. It was BEAUTIFULLY written, don’t get me wrong, but it lacked depth and reason. you have a alluring talent for writing description and have sn impressive charm for word-usage and word management skills. You create LOVELY mental-images in my head and have a lot of imagination simply by your word choices.
Other than that, Well done, keep writing, and do your best!
~Catnip~

this was a strange poem though I loved it I feel its to short but I'm not sure if you could possible add anymore words because its already got so many different descriptions anyways I think its just because I like long poetry but its a good poem over all and I think I'll give it a thumbs up because you did a great job

Alright,
Lyrical yet timid rhyming, with a whole lot of imagery
Yet! I find it very emotionally detached.
It gives me the feeling that I should "Stop and smell the roses"
All in all

I give it one and one half thumbs up =3

Hello,

I don't want to sound harsh, but there are defidently some improvements you could make to this. First off, the poem itself is great. I think you have a great writing style for someone your age. Second off, I like how you tried to use colors to dramatize your piece.

"Red bloom
On the snow,
Black stem
Standing low,
Grey thorns
Tapered thin,
Gold leaves
Curled in."

There were a few grammatical errors that you should have fixed, but that's not the point.

"Red rose
Red rose

White forest,
White snows."

I really liked this ending. It was very dramatic and it wrapped the whole story together perfectly.

Overall:
I really liked it (which is why I reviewed it). There are some grammatical errors, and some parts seemed like it dragged on a little bit.

Good job and keep writing.

Belle here to review!

This is nice! It's so interesting and...I don't know....tempting maybe? Like, a roller coaster that get's faster every turn....or a mystery that doesn't get solved and leaves you wanting more?

What I'm saying is, this poem left me hungry for more of your poems, and that's a great thing for you to make a reader feel! Oh! I got it! It was so mesmerizing! interesting and mesmerizing!

What I am also amazed by is how great this poem is even though it is so short! You make something with barely any words! Now that is awesome poetry <3

Thanks for reading until here <3

~Belle

I thought you did a good job with your meter, for the most part; however, "Tapered thin" is a little rough, but hardly. It has a very nice melody to it. You flow very nicely. I'm curious as to what the meaning of this poem is? The imagery you use is very smart in the sense that you contrast a bright full color like red with the emptiness of white.