Cyclical

Hey! Your fellow blue member here to scope out your cool poetry!

So I go from stanza to stanza, and as I can see this has no stanzas (which is fine ) I will create them!

"From point to point,
from moment to moment,
from feeling to dust -
the cycles.
Ever moving,
forever turning
round and round again,
they will not end
in our petty era." -- First of all, the start of this is pretty good. But when I was thinking about how to separate your work into stanzas I realized that I didn't know how to separate that first part which supposedly ends with "the cycles" with the other part "Ever moving" and I wonder if that is good or not. I don't always do the "right" formatting for my poetry, but now I've changed after seeing the importance of it. And seeing your other poems I know that you know how to format and such, so I just found that this one made me a little curious.

Anyways though, the other half of this is good too, but I have a hard time agreeing with "our petty era" I mean it just doesn't fit the rhyme. And I think that if you meant to do a free verse it should have been written differently in the beginning. But, that's just my thought on that. I also think you should have a look at the "forever turning
round and round again." I am not too sure what you can do about it (I thought about it but could not find something I liked) but I think shortening that or lengthening it to fit the rhyme scheme would be a good idea, but this is just a suggestion.

Perhaps afterwards,
when we have finished our drunken magic show
upon this earth,
they will cease their circular motion
once and for all,
but matters that to us? -- So is just thoughts being written down? Because in this stanza it seems so. It seems like you were thinking about about life and stuff. But "When we have finished our drunken magic show" seems a little much. Mainly just because it sounds quite strange, especially the part about magic shows. What are you trying to say? That we do crazy things? That we were deceitful to the earth? That we controlled the earth in some way? I'm not sure but I would suggest something on the lines of "When we have finished our wayward prancing,
upon this earth" This is my opinion, but I just suggest you look that part over.
"but matters that to us?" -- I think this should be changed to "but does that matter to us?" or "does that matter to us?"

"Think, see, smell, feel
the world as it is. Or is it?
Reality and truth.
How can we be so sure?" -- This is very interesting! I like this last part. I do have a suggestion and then some thoughts though. So the suggestion is you change it to this:

"We think, see smell feel,
the world as it is. Or is it?
Reality or truth?
How can we be so sure?" -- The reason why I suggest this is because "we" think will be consistent with how you are talking to the world, you used the term "us" to end the other part, so starting with connecting the audience is good, also I think it helps the flow more. Then why I changed "reality and truth" to "reality or truth?" is because I reality and truth are two different things (most of the time, and sometimes) and I think that as a question and option it brings forth the mystery of them. And also it adds to your final question "How can we be so sure?"

So overall, this was a good poem! I liked how it seemed as if you were writing this while thinking on the world's make-up and being and all that. I would suggest you take my advice though and look it over.

- Dream higher than the sky! (Go team blue!)

Its good .
The ever lasting war between reality and deception !
I liked it .
Keep on writing !

Can u please comment on my work as well:

work.php?id=101303

Hi! Just a quick review.

I did like this, it really made me think and I love songs that do that.

The tenth verse sounds a little odd to me, it might run smoother if you make it a bit longer. like,
Perhaps when it's over.

Also it doesn't really feel like it has an ending. Maybe it's because of the length? I can't tell without the music, but then I guess you probably know from your idea of how fast or how slow it is.

Anyway, I just thought I'd give you my opinion.
Keep up the good writing!