.

Of you were trying to make the conversation seem strained, it worked, but I wouldn't necessarily use it for a romance story. It makes every thing seems very awkward -- not just for Claire, but for the readers as well!

My only problem with it was that Claire seems really freaked out by Daniel at first, so when she acts nice to him, it seems as though she is only pitying him. I felt like she didn't like him, but was being nice to him because she felt sorry for him. Therefor, I couldn't really believe this:

Claire smiled and rested her chin on her hand. Maybe coming to the library on Thursday wasn’t so bad after all.

Heh, I felt the need to elaborate on my sparse review.

Hey, Rosey! Here as requested!

First of all, this is much improved! Only a few nit-picks left:

Making her way to the art section, Claire still had to weave around a few stray teenagers. She didn’t recognize any of them though. But, she never really hung around the artists.

Two things here:

--First of all, describe the teenagers she sees more. There isn't anything in this group of sentences that leads me to believe they are artists other than the fact that they are in the art section. What do they look like? What are they wearing?

--The last two sentences seem kind of awkward together. When you read it out-loud, it just doesn't flow well. I would re-write it as:
"However, she didn't recognize any of them. Of course, she never hung around the artists."

or the total geeks who never studied

Hmm, I don't think Claire should be making fun of "geeks" considering she hangs out at the library on the weekends.

So those were all the nitpicks!

For you overall, the only thin I would change is make Daniel less stalker-ish. Claire sounds less than enthusiastic when she meets Daniel. It makes their dialogue seem very awkward and forced.

Hope this helped,
Sakura

Hey, Rosey! I felt so bad about my review on the first draft. I'm not in such a hurry today, so I hope this one is a bit more helpful! And, as a warning, my spacebar is being uncooperative, so I'll miss alot of spaces. Like, right there.

The person must till be around.

I normally hate to collect every little typo, but this has so few that I couldn'thelp but point it out. Forgot an 's'.

Also, here:

Claire looked around. There wasn’t anybody to speak of near by. People around here usually left tables with coats on them alone. Especially during Mid-Terms. And if they [I]did use part of it, they certainly wouldn’t leave a book there unattended and unopened. She glanced at the title out of curiosity.

Your italics got a bit funkyhere. Silly bbcode, I know. Might want to fix this.

Clair -vs- Claire

Good choice, addingthe 'e'. It's something so trivial, of course, but to the reader whose eyes are seeing the name twenty times in a piece, it makes a difference that the name doesn't look misspelled or off-balance. I know plenty ofgirls named Clair, though, so I know you didn't just make up this spelling.

Comparing

Zoinkers, Rosey, what an improvement! This revision is a thousand times better than the first write. I felt more like I could relate to the situation, especially with Claire. It does seem as if you took my advice about her reactions, and it made such a difference in the believability level of this. In the beginning, the touch about the smell of old books was a nice way to help set the scene a bit more. Also, the way you tied in Thursday for the beginning and the end made a difference.

However, do most teenagers enjoy spending their nights playing board games with the family? Just something to keep in mind, that generally family fun night would be considered pretty lame. At least, from everything I've heard about teenagers. I wouldn't know firsthand, of course.

Conflict

So, I'll be honest with you, Rosey dear. This just isn't my kind of piece. Not because it wasn't written well, and nothing to do with the way you excecuted it-- more to do with the style and genre itself. I like the deep stories, with the riveting characters and the plot oozing with conflict. That's the main thing here, I think. This story, this idea, just doesn't involve much conflict.

That said, I do not meanfor you to go in there and try to add conflict. Because, as I said, this type of story just doesn't need anything deep, riveting, or heartwrenching. It's a well-writen, cute little idea for a cute little contest. Nothing wrong with that. It's just not my cup of tea.

I hope I'm getting this across without seeming heartless, because I really do think this is great for this style of story. It's just not the kind of story that I could read a novel of. And, as I'm sure you know, it's not the kind of story that a novel could be written outof.

If that makes any sense whatsoever, which I'm getting the feeling it doesn't.

So, what should you do?

I'm not sure what to tell you that won't be asking for you to rewrite the entire story. Injecting description is always good, although I understand that a library scene can only be described in so much detail. Besides that...

Aha! I've got it! Something productive to say! I didn't really get the whole thing with her comparing the paper with the note/call-number to the library paper. What did that have to do with anything? And why did that weird her out, that he was using library paper? I just didn't follow that bit.

Okay, so I'm going to scurry away now that I've given you such a confusing review. Forgive me. Again. I guess I'm just not good at critiquing this style of story-- simple, direct, with little conflict and little plot. Sorry, but this was fun to read, and a great improvement on the first draft!

~Evi