The skeletal hand
lay on her feverish forehead
and trembling lips
said prayers unstopping.
Her heaving chest
kept the old's heart beating
The candle melting.....
The light flickering.....
Outside a lady passing
asked another just then crossing,
"How are the children darling?"
"Oh! Jolly good, thanks for asking."
The skeletal hand
now busy knitting
still trembling lips
with prayers unstopping.
Her feverish forehead
now dressed with curls.
Her heaving chest
now calmed and soothed
kept the old's heart beating
The candle melting.....
The light flickering.....
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140,752 Literary Works • 673,686 Reviews
Hey, Lele here to review
Just wanted to start by saying this is a beautiful poem
I love the imagery, simple but effective. The mirrored perspectives of young and old were cleverly written. It took a moment for me to know what you were talking about, but I like that. It made me think. It wasn’t too obvious. It wasn’t too vague. Very nice word play.
Over all, good work. Keep up the writing
While this poem is very simple, it is also very powerful. I didn't understand it at first because of the lack of detail in the poem, but in the end, it didn't need anything more to it. With it being a very short story, I can tell that you had to find a way to compact the story into a few stanzas; but it worked out in the end.
As I said, I didn't understand the story while reading it, but I love what it came to be. The detail put into how old the man must've been was spot on with the line:
"The skeletal hand lay on her feverish forehead."
The story as a whole is beautiful and very poetic. I love the fact that the old man went from taking care of the young girl to the girl taking care of the old man. Whether it was as a favor, just being nice, or maybe they're related. I don't truly know, but I love the concept.
You did a fantastic job, and I look forward to reading more of your masterpieces.
Hey, IMK here with a review!
This is such a heartwarming story! I loved reading, it brought a really sweet feeling of homie-ness. i love the style of writing, and how it was subtle and calm, but also emotional. I also really like the line
"The skeletal hand
now busy knitting
still trembling lips
with prayers unstopping."
It's very poetic, and I like the way you split it up, its very satisfying when read out loud. I also really enjoyed the repetitive aspects, and how they arent too overdone, they're perfect.
I really loved this piece!
-IMK
Thanks for the review IMK !!
Wow! What a sweet poem! It shows the love that is out there in the world.I sure hope the old woman and her child grow to have a lovely relationship together.The fact that she’d do anything to help her is so completely selfless,it makes me happy.I love reading stuff like this.Good poem.I hope you have a wonderful day/night.
Thanks for the review