A little brown girl
with little brown feet
as soft as petals
as sleek as leaves.
They hop like sparrows
like joeys they leap.
They run like squirrels
and dance like the bees.
They tread so gently
they leave no print.
They walk so carefully
the earth is kissed.
They step on thorns
on hard spiky rocks.
They fall in holes
and get stuck in logs.
They bleed, they hurt
and are wetted with tears.
They are grown strong
and are seasoned by wear.
A tall brown girl
with little brown feet
once soft as petals
once sleek as leaves.
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140,730 Literary Works • 673,682 Reviews
Good morning, afternoon, evening, night, or whatever applies to you in your specific time zone. Anyway, onto the review. Your poem was really pretty! I loved the way it flowed! It follows the story of a “little brown girl”, and her journey through life.
I particularly liked this stanza. It’s the beginning of the little girl’s hardship, wether it be because she is a “little brown girl”, or not.
This stanza is starting to transition from hardship, to perseverance. The “little brown girl” is starting to be come less “little”.
This stanza was *chefs kiss*. It beautiful finishes your already beautiful poem. It shows the finished version of the little girl, and her journey to get there. To finish us off, I would precede to give you critiques. But the only ones I could find would be the rhymes, and FireEyes already mentioned that. Only thing I’m going to add, is that I’ve found the site called RhymeZone really helpful. Just a thought. But anyway, I really enjoyed this poem, and I hope to see more of your work around soon! Stay safe, and keep writing!
-Lizzy
Thanks a bunch for the review Lizzy! I will definitely check out that site.
wow. this poem surfaces a lot of emotions. i love the chronological aspect as you read deeper into the poem. you get to see the little brown girl, one soft and innocent, grow into a tall brown girl who has age and gained experience.
{ They tread so gently
they leave no print.
They walk so carefully
the earth is kissed.
They step on thorns
on hard spiky rocks.
They fall in holes
and get stuck in logs.}
i absolutely love the contrast between these two stanzas. as the writer, you may have had a different interpretation, but this is mine...
it talks about how she walks so lightly the earth is kissed. next, it describes that she steps on thorns, rocks, sometimes get’s stuck.. it’s not that you’ve contradicted yourself with this, she never stopped walking lightly, the earth just isn’t as pure as her. i love that. beautifully executed. i am really glad i decided to read you poem. <#
wow. this poem surfaces a lot of emotions. i love the chronological aspect as you read deeper into the poem. you get to see the little brown girl, one soft and innocent, grow into a tall brown girl who has age and gained experience.
{ They tread so gently
they leave no print.
They walk so carefully
the earth is kissed.
They step on thorns
on hard spiky rocks.
They fall in holes
and get stuck in logs.}
i absolutely love the contrast between these two stanzas. as the writer, you may have had a different interpretation, but this is mine...
it talks about how she walks so lightly the earth is kissed. next, it describes that she steps on thorns, rocks, sometimes get’s stuck.. it’s not that you’ve contradicted yourself with this, she never stopped walking lightly, the earth just isn’t as pure as her. i love that. beautifully executed. i am really glad i decided to read you poem. <#
wow. this poem surfaces a lot of emotions. i love the chronological aspect as you read deeper into the poem. you get to see the little brown girl, one soft and innocent, grow into a tall brown girl who has age and gained experience.
{ They tread so gently
they leave no print.
They walk so carefully
the earth is kissed.
They step on thorns
on hard spiky rocks.
They fall in holes
and get stuck in logs.}
i absolutely love the contrast between these two stanzas. as the writer, you may have had a different interpretation, but this is mine...
it talks about how she walks so lightly the earth is kissed. next, it describes that she steps on thorns, rocks, sometimes get’s stuck.. it’s not that you’ve contradicted yourself with this, she never stopped walking lightly, the earth just isn’t as pure as her. i love that. beautifully executed. i am really glad i decided to read you poem. <#
Thanks a lot for the review <3
Hello Rodionandaxe! Incoming review!
I think this is a great start to the poem. I like how you described the feet as soft as petals. It gives me a solid image of... her feet. That sounded weird. But nonetheless, your imagery works very well in the first stanza! It's a great opening because I want to know more.Your poem intrigued me so here I am with a review! I'll go stanza by stanza giving my thoughts and critique.
Ah this is some more great imagery. If you've seen Jojo Rabbit it reminds me of some foreshadowing of Jojo's mother, Rosie, and her dancing red shoes. It's okay if you haven't seen it though. I can feel the energy of this little girl. No matter how much stuff she gets into, her feet keep a youthful appearance. The use of joyes is a great addition. I never see a joey mention in writing. And I wonder why because they're kinda like a symbol of energy. oOoOO and I also appreciate the bees. Because y'know, the waggle dance.
As our little girl gets older she's more cautious with her steps, walking more gingerly, but with still some sort of bliss. I would only say to maybe change "carefully" because it was slightly too long in terms of syllables. But it was just a minor thing I found.
Oh no, she's learning the hard truths about reality. You demonstrate it so well with the use of stepping on things that hurt. If this wasn't a more serious poem, I would have used "Lego" in there. One other thing I would like to point out is how rocks and logs don't completely rhyme but in the flow of the poem, you don't even notice. I see this mostly used in songwriting but it's great to see it in poetry.
The "wetted with tears" doesn't flow grammatically. And "tears" and "wear" don't rhyme either. But tear can work like with, "wear and tear." But beyond that, I like the stanza. She's getting stronger and more calloused.
A great ending to a beautiful poem. She's scared now but she still retains that innocence from her childhood in terms of memory she keeps calling back on.
But that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of it useful! Keep on writing! Anyway byeeeeeeee
Thanks for the detailed review FireEyes!! I am not great at rhyming but I am working on it
Hello! Wallflower here with a quick review
This poem is lovely! Its rhyme scheme and your word choices are wonderful; your writing style is very calming but upbeat.
"They hop like sparrows
like joeys they leap.
They run like squirrels
and dance like the bees."
I really loved this section; I felt it embodied the lifeblood of this poem, the wonder of adventure and everywhere feet can take you. The childlike wonder is so evident in this passage.
Your ending perfectly wraps up the poem; how the little girl grows up and leaves some of this behind.
Overall, this poem was absolutely lovely; you should definitely be proud!
Thank you so much!! I am glad you like it <3