Young Writers Society

Love this theme and style! So halloween.

The repetition works well, gives a creepy feeling.

Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

I enjoyed this poem! I think it was a really chilling but delightful poem. You did a really nice job of building up the narrator's voice and showing the feeling in it. The small archaic touches were great at showcasing the presumed immortality of the narrator, and overall it had a great sense of ambiance to it. Nice work!

One thing I think you did a nice job of was conveying the yearning in the narrator's voice. I loved those last four stanzas; the repeated variations of the italicized beginning really solidified the utter longing in the narrator. It almost had a chorus like quality to it, like this is a song. Combined with the rich images of the first two stanzas (I adore the "cherry iron elixir" line), you manage to create a sense of desperation that is completely evident while still maintaining the finesse that comes with often glamourized supernatural creatures like vampires.

The one thing I did notice was the flow of the poem. I'm not sure if this was intentional, but I really enjoyed the slant rhymes/assonance at the end of the third, fourth, and fifth stanzas with blood/enough/love. I think this created a really nice rhythm. Then, at the end, I was almost expecting you to do that again, since you start the stanza with the italicized "oh" as well. It felt a bit unsatisfying to end on "thirst" since it didn't really blend with the established (whether accidentally or otherwise) rhyme scheme. I was also a little confused about why the narrator would be tied up. It seems like they held the position of power throughout the poem, which felt at odds with that one line. It also made me confused at first, as I was slightly unsure whether this was from the perspective of the vampire or the maiden.

Overall: nice job!! You built the environment of the poem really nicely, and I think you did a great job of emphasizing the narrator's thoughts and emotions. I really enjoy slightly spooky stuff like this, and this poem definitely lived up to expectations. I hope to read more of your poetry on here someday! Until next time!!

Yikes . . . what a chilling poem! Your use of repetition, specific capitalization, and italicism were very nice touches. Honestly, I'm very impressed!

With eyes closed
and lips slightly parted
I took whiffs
of your cherry iron elixir

Oh! Sweet, sugar sweet
My darling
let me taste thy blood