Nothing to do here
but sit, walk, think.
Collecting red bug bites
and mundane memories,
other things could, should
take priority, but don't.
Musings take shape,
gliding across
consciousness
like fish in a pond.
Hours pass in a heartbeat.
Worries flood back,
until they can no
longer be silenced.
But,
they can be ignored,
for a moment,
to preserve
the warmth of the sun,
the vibrance of the flowers,
the comfort of an old bench.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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140,296 Literary Works • 673,080 Reviews
Hi RippleGylf!
I really like the theme of stillness and silence in this poem. It's a very hard thing to do. Personally I find a lot of poetry aims to be powerful and replicate quite intense emotions, but there is a particular beauty in something that demonstrates that stillness.
The lines are quite sporadic, and overall I think that detracts from the poem a lot. The sentences tend to be broken up in places where there doesn't seem to be much purpose for a line break, and it has the effect of tripping over the meaning. "...until they can no..." is probably the strongest example, since as a line it doesn't carry any meaning, and generally in poetry line breaks are most effective when they exist to isolate a particular concept or notion.
I do like this. The imagery is really nice and the theme is great! Maybe you can work the line breaks to make it stronger. I look forward to reading more of your work =]
You're right, the line breaks are a bit off. Thanks for the review.
You're welcome. Thank you for posting! I enjoyed reading this a lot =]
hi hello. im really liking this imagery. I'm guessing its supposed to be about nostalgia which is a really neat concept to play around with. i might try it sometime. i dont really want his to be a review just me telling you how much i like the poem hA. its a very calm poem id say, just replacing the bad with good. 10/10 would read again