Is it possible to see the pain? The sorrow? Depression, that azure flame, knows nothing of sight. And yet it pleads, pleads to all the world, for even half-hearted acknowledgement. It crackles, it blazes, it screams. The salty rains do their best to wash it out, but it still sparks, still burns. Surely you can see it burning? Surely you can feel the sparks? Or do you, like the rest of humanity, look only with your eyes?
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
This is an interesting poem. The first thing that I noticed is that the poem isn't really in the format that I see a lot of this sight. You know the whole double spaced small lines that most people use with poems. Not saying that's a bad thing I for one don't know the whole format for poems and such, I actually kind of like how it's different it is. One thing that I noticed is that there's a lot of questions / questions marks in this piece. It seems a bit much for the most part in my honest opinion. I found it odd that you described rain as salty, I don't know if that's considered true I mean in my experience it would describe rain as salty unless you mean bitter. Other then that thought I liked this poem.
Hello! herbgirl here to review!
So, I liked your poem here. You had very good imagery, and I felt you packed a very strong punch in a very short piece of writing, which I find not only necessary but important, because of how quickly the world moves.
I had a few suggestions. The first thing was, I suggest changing the description of depression from azure to something else. The first reason is because when I think of the word "azure" I generally think of a bright, sky blue. The definition of "azure" is "bright blue in color, like in a cloudless sky." I think this color is just too happy, too simple to describe such a terrible feeling as depression. Plus, you say depression knows nothing of sight. If this is true, then why do you describe it with a color? Perhaps describe depression as something like "that unstoppable flame" or maybe "that indescribable flame".
I realize that this poem was probably made in paragraph form because it was for the writing Olympics contest. While I think that this is a fine form for poetry, I wonder if maybe you would consider changing the format here. I feel like it could have much more impact with line breaks putting more emphasis on your words.
So, in conclusion, I liked your poem. It was very nice, and I really liked the last line. It seemed to sum everything up, and ask a question that forces readers to think. Good job, and keep up the god work!
herbgirl
Nice poem! I like how it talks about what comes with depression and how people can ignore it. My favorite in there is, "Or do you, like the rest of humanity, look only with your eyes?" That's really clever. Though it would be nice to show more of the changing and swinging emotions. in depression, go deep in how people can ignore it. Other than that, no grammar mistakes, clever wording and good poem all in all! Keep up the good work.