You may say
that it isn't real,
that there's no use crying
over words on a page
or pixels on a screen,
and that I should
stop obsessing
over things
others have crafted.
I must ask,
how do you live
unattached from everything?
Surely you have something
worth a few dozen tears?
If not,
I'm sorry.
I'm so,
so sorry.
Sorry that you
have nothing
to lean on
when you
desperately
need it.
You know,
every human
has tear ducts.
It's not just
me.
I wonder,
when do you
use yours?
I never
see it.
And yet,
you must
have spent
nights in a
corner,
soaking in
the sadness,
the pity,
the guilt,
the feelings
of everyday
life.
I try not
to soak for
too long.
In fact,
I drown them.
Drown them all
in these
'daft' fantasies
of mine.
It's not
emotionless
work.
I'm still attached.
Just in a
different
way.
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I totally love this, and can completely relate. Completely.
You're writing style is clear, and you say what you mean. I like that. Your formatting is interesting, but I feel like it adds to the poem somehow. Although, I have to say, one or to longer lines would add some visual interest to it, at a glance. Other than that, I don't really have anything to add. A great poem.
Hi

Here is a review for your wonderful poem.
Let me start off with the title. The title is simple and small. Yet, it describes it all. That's what drew me to read your poem. Simple is beauty.
You had a great start. Especially the use of the word 'pixel' was interesting.
"Surely you have something
worth a few dozen tears?"
This is my favorite line, I must say.
I believe a good poem is one that brings out the emotion. And, your poem does it perfectly. I can almost picture it all.
One small thing which I noticed was that the initial three stanzas have longer lines and the rest of the poem has shorter lines. I think if it is uniform throughout then it will brighten up the poem more. But, that is my personal take on it.
Overall, a lovely poem
Looking forward to read more of your poems.
Wow! good poem. It made me think about how so many people are so emotionally attached to what is little more than pixels. The part about crying made me think back to a rather personal moment that I experienced a couple of years ago. (I'm not going into details but i did cry.)
This made me think and for that i thank you.
I also love the ending four lines.
Fab.
Hello! herbgirl here for a review!
So, I thought this was a very nice poem. You're very eloquent in pointing out how your feelings are just as valid as anyone else's, even though they may not be about something that happens specifically to you.
The only thing that bothered me about this work was its formatting. Your lines are so short, and just going straight down, it seems very odd to me. Now, I don't think it's absolutely necessary to change this, it's more of just something that bothers me personally, but I think it would look more professional if you combined a few of the lines. I also think that by combining lines you could get rid of some awkward pauses caused by your line breaks.
For example, in your sixth stanza, you could change the line breaks so that it reads "Sorry that you have nothing to lean on/when you desperately need it." Or, further down, you could change your tenth stanza to "And yet, you must have spent nights in a corner,/soaking in the sadness,/the pity, the guilt,/ the feelings of everyday life." If these changes appeal to you, I would suggest reading through the poem again and trying to find any other places you think you could make these sorts of adjustments.
Anyways, good job! I liked the poem, it was very succinct and easy to read, too. Just look into adjusting the formatting, maybe.
herbgirl
Hey! Kazey here for a review!
This is so beautiful, and really heart-warming, in an odd way. i think a lot of us can relate to this, because we all have that one person who, not matter what happens in life, plasters on the stone face and stone heart. They may seem emotionless to us, but perhaps they just bottle it up. I think this poem portrays that in a really lovely way.
Just one very small nit-pick. I don't believe the line;
over words on a page,
should end in a comma. I feel it's unnecessary, but that's just my preference.
Well done overall, this was a beautiful piece, and I think I will be reading more of your work in the future. Keep it up!
~Kazey
I think you're right about that comma. Thank you so much for reading my poem.