Young Writers Society

Hello! herbgirl here for a review!
I like this poem, it seems simple but you tell the story with emotion, which helps readers to relate to the character, or to at least sympathize with the situation. I enjoyed your formatting, too, I felt that it the line breaks helped emphasize certain words to help support your points, especially in the sequences where you just have a long string of words.
Now, while I did like your formatting, I thought you could have done more with spacing. When you get into works like this, the line breaks serve their purpose of putting emphasize on your words and making the poem flow, but it can make the poem look really awkward. I felt that the long string of words just looked a little off. I suggest spacing it out, maybe a bit like that beginning part about wavering, to just give it a little more appeal. This may also allow you to put even more meaning into the words. If you need help on how to do this, or don't really understand what I'm trying to say, contact me and I'll try to help you out.
Another thing that kind of bugged me was the first two lines. Since they rhymed, I assumed the whole poem would rhyme, so it kind of threw me off, right there in the beginning. I'm not sure what you could say instead that has the same flow, maybe something like "We fly together/like birds of the same flock" or something similar.
Anyways, good job! I liked the interesting line breaks, I liked the topic, I liked the title. It all worked very well together, keep it up!
herbgirl

Wow!myhis is by now the best poem I've read on this site! Very amazing word! You used perfectly different stanza structured and patterns all through your poem. Emotion was flowing so well, so was the poem! Does not only it tells the tale of a lead bird, but also his in real life it's to be a leader. I loved the personification here! Very nice work!

I love the following lines very much:

'birds don't have

rearview mirrors

to see the mimicry

of the starlings

behind.'

And,

'But I
look
back
and
see
him
flying
right
behind
me,
making
the
exact
same
turns,
the
exact
same
stops,
and I
have
to
wonder
if he
will
fall
too.'

Very well weitten!

Take care, keep writing.
Do read some of my word, my poem 'the caged songs' posted here, will surely be a liking for you.