This is a poem I just wrote, it may be good, maybe not, but it is try to me. Please review, and star if you like it. This is really true, and how I feel inside, especially when I read a good book, and the characters love each other- for I feel that may never be me...
There are times when one reads a book, and it really gives you pain,
When you read of happy things, like all sunshine and no rain,
The love, kisses, and affection are shared, making it hard to bare,
for wishing, yearning, for you to be there,
away from reality, with romance so strong,
when you realize, it may never come, never mind it be long,
so reading books, as good as they may,
can give you a really depressing, dark and dreary day.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hey Chrissy! JupaJupa the Planet Pokémon here for a review (I'm so weird).
This is incredibly relatable. I, and probably a LOT of other people, read a ton of fan fiction. Most of this fan fiction is romance, of course, and it will sometimes have an effect on me if the writing style is nice. But this poem is incredibly relatable, at least to me, and it's great to relate to your audience. It gives your reader the sense that they're not alone, and never will be. The more you relate to your audience with these (common or uncommon) types of things, the better.
You used the word "bare" rather than bear. I know it may seem like I'm talking about the animal, but the word bear has two different meaning. "Bare" basically means to "nakedify" yourself or unclothe yourself, which can be misinterpreted. Just watch out if you're not sure and look up your definitions before using a certain word.
This seems like an odd sentence to me. It may just be the frequent use of commas in this. Try not to use too many commas in one sentence or the sentence may appear to be odd for the reader.
I appreciate the time you took to create a rhyme scheme. Most of my poetry is free verse (I'm lazy) because I have the freedom to use whatever words I want. But it's great that you took your time on this and went over it, finding the best words to use.
You did well on the ending. So this is mostly praise! Kudos to you, Chrissy, the successful writer.
✖︎
Thanks X! <3
Hello CapitalMonday here with a review for you. I would like to begin by saying this poem could relate to anyone who has read a book in their life and how how you use end rhyme is an A+. I am sure many people could relate to what you have wrote since many people (I would believe) read books and wish that they could live inside of a book and see the romance blossom at any given time in the book. Also if you think about it, life is like a book since you can choose where to go and that choice can affect where you might go.
Also I love how you use end rhymes in this poem since it is sorta like a musical type piece (I would think). Plus this poem gives off a good tone as well like happiness and good thought or better yet dreaming to be the books we read today. We can imagine the characters in our head and imagine how they might feel just from a few sentences on a page.
Hope you enjoy this "review"
CapitalMonday
Thanks so much!
Hiya ! Maybe its jus me but my only negative comment is the flw and some of the word choices .I really get how u feel I jus think it wouldve flowed better with different words or added .other than thst I really love it ther concept of it is great I get hiw u feel wen u read theres almost always hapoy ending then ur life ends in tears .but anyway good job
Keep writing ill b looking forward to readin more of ur pieces also review some of mine if u can
-oldsoulxoxo
I think this is really good but it has some flaws. In the first sentence you need to fix the part were it says but it is try to me. You can change it to true to me or hobby or something. In sentence 3 affection should be italicized. Also the word affection should be plural. In sentence 7 it should be as good as they are not may. Other than that awesome I am starting to feel that way too.
Heya, Chrissy! Happy Review Day, fellow Smaugy!
This is a poem I just wrote, it may be good, maybe not, but it is try to me.
I found something wrong with your introduction, just a typo. You put try instead of true.
There are times when one reads a book, and it really gives you pain,
When you read of happy things, like all sunshine and no rain.
YES! When even though the story is happy, it somehow makes you feel quite sad because you don't have the said happiness. I definitely know what this feels like. You're poem is so relatable!
The love, kisses, and affection are shared, making it hard to bare.
I think that affection should be in its plural form. It flows better in my mind that way.
That is all I have to say! It's an excellent poem and is completely relatable, well done!
Thanks!
Hey there, Chrissy321. Your poem is good. On a scale from one to ten, your word usage is probably a seven. It was a bit short, but that shouldn't be a problem. I do, however, think that you could have portrayed your ideas a little bit better. Maybe give it more meaning. Keep working!
-B
Thanks!
Hello this is Tay01 here with a little review of your poem.
I think, overall, this poem is pretty good. I think that your words, one point each stanza. Please elaborate your idea properly and then your poem will be much, much neater. I really think it is nicer that way.
If you give one point each stanza, then you will have to describe that point more, making it more ex[pressed and being able to imagine easier.
For instance (first stanza): How did the pain feel like? How painful was the pain? In heart or literally?
Thank you for reading this. Keep up the good work and keep on writing, because it only gets better.
~~Tay01.
Yay! Thanks!
Hello CHRISSY321,
Myjaspercat here for your review,
Overall I thought that this poem lacked imagery and was plain in the long run. I do however like the concept behind it, I think it can go a long way.
First thing I want clarified is why does reading a book give you pain? I don't understand this unless you cant read that good or something.
You jump for how reading is pain to happiness and sunshine & rain, where is the transition?
Why is 'yearning' italicized?
Enough with the question themselves....
This poem lacks a form of structure. It seems to be going every where at once. Add structure please.
Really that is all I have to say, good luck and continue writing.
Like I said, I am not good with poems, but I feel like when I read a book, and there is a girl, with such a great life, I sometimes feel like that will never be me, of have someone love me that way I could only wish so hard for! I also italicized the yearning because I felt it was a strong word. Oh, and yes I love to read, and read so many good books! It is just thatI wish I was in them, feeling what they were! So yeah, hope these answer your questions!
I totally get you with the wanting to be in books and all, don't worry your poetry skills will develop more with practice
Hey, just posted a new work, I promise it is better than this! You should check it out!
I will when I can