Taking my first steps, I hobble as I go
Now running down the halls to class
You can see how I have grown
2 + 2 = 5? I guess
Oh how easy it was back then,
How naive I was makes me chuckle to this day
When picking what color to paint my nails was a hard decision,
Now it is choosing what college,
And what I want to be in a few short years,
My mind bogged down by which move I make, right or wrong.
I am holding on tight,
Wishing to have an anchor in time,
Just so I can hang on a little longer
Having 'mommy' kiss my boo-boos better
Now they are too big for her gentle kisses.
Her index wiping my tears,
Telling me it will get better in time
To which now I see is running out so fast.
I am growing up,
Childhood wasting away,
Live, embrace it,
Do not yearn to grow so fast,
Do what is right now, so you can thank your past self,
In this time game we play
Called life.
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139,585 Literary Works • 672,611 Reviews
Wow, Chrissy, this is amazing! Hi, RagingLive here working on reviewing a few of the people from Team Tardis!
First of all, I can totally relate to your poem. Everyone told me that teenage years would be awkward, but they didn't tell me that they would be hard. Have you ever heard that saying that teenagers should move out while they still know everything? I'm not sure whether it's fortunate or unfortunate, but that isn't really me. I'd rather stay at home forever, tucked inside my room and reading my favorite book again and again for the rest of eternity.
Okay, enough about me! This review is about you and your poem!
The question mark seems to complicate it for me, but we can't remove it or it will look kind of odd. I would rephrase this so that it isn't so confusing. Maybe if we did something like:
"I guess 2 + 2 = 5"
Something else I noticed was that you had some inconsistencies in your punctuation. While punctuation is an artistic choice, if you are going to have punctuation, I would like to see it go all the way. Also, you had every new line capitalized which is a bit confusing coming off of a simple comma in some places.
Thanks for the reminder to embrace life in the here and now! I hope to see more of your work in the future! Go Team Tardis!
Keep writing and keep on smiling!!
~RagingLive
Hey Chrissy, xJupiter here.
I haven't gotten to review any of your work yet, until I came upon this! So here we are:
First thing I noticed in this poem was the layout, although it may seem like a "personal problem" (sorry, I had to) or a personal preference, organizing your poetry into stanzas can come a long way. Not only does it look better than uneven lines thrown onto a page, it gives the reader a little pleasant feeling, that the poem is organized instead of randomly thrown all over the place. I know this poem is organized well enough, but putting it into stanzas makes it look organized, and it will be more organized in the end.
OCD... that's my "personal problem."
This is a great poem, but in the end, instead of changing into you, talking to your reader, leave it up to yourself to deliver the message. Meaning, don't talk to the reader, but let the reader understand the message you're trying to put across themselves.
Overall, good message. It's hard to think that our lives are wasting away second by second, but they are, and you delivered that message quite well. Cheers to you!
-xJ ♥︎
1. lol,
2. Thanks for reading and reviewing! it WAS organized, but when I published it it changed for some reason!
Oh alright! ^-^ Sorry then.
No problem
(it may just have to be your own personal problem now) XD
PERSONAL PROBLEMS MAKE ME DIFFERENT
MERF
Hello Chrissy! racket here to review your work!
Okay, well, I really, really like this poem. Very well portrayed and we can all relate to this. The idea is awesome, and I really like how you captured it.
I would like to point out, though, that you skipped this person's middle school and high school-age problems and life overview. Lots of people agree that those points in one's life, those points in time that really show you who you are, make you you, are some of the most important moments in their whole lives. I think you need to add something to that in here. Those periods in life deserve to be saluted and told about.
A comma after the 'Oh' for emphasis on the regret of having left those times behind, maybe?
This is a bit confusing, so I would probably rephrase it like 'My naivety makes me chuckle to myself/to this day'. It's your decision, but I think this line would flow a bit better.
Maybe 'Wishing I had an anchor in time,'? The way this line is currently phrased is just a bit confusing.
I think you need a comma at the end of the 'boo-boo' line, as I feel the need to pause there before moving on.
I love this line! I relive this depressing realization almost daily, so thank you for putting it into words! I would suggest putting the I before the 'now', just for smooth-ness' sake, but yeah, well done with this line! I really appreciate it.
Good job! I really like this poem; it's very well written and I can feel the emotion in it. Well done! I enjoyed reading and reviewing this. Keep up the good work!
~racket
Thanks so much for the review!
You're welcome!
Hello! This read was well worth while! I really relate to the message you are sending off and agree that life flies by way too fast! I'm not really looking to critique your work (if that is okay) because I am not an English Grammatical Wiz myself, but I just want to talk about it. Don't you ever feel like you just want to be a child again and get to feel it once more before it goes away forever? By the time we are adults we are going to be longing to be young again when our lives fly by and we soon become old. So scary. Anyways, I really enjoyed your piece of writing and I hope to read more of your work soon in the future, keep writing!
Thanks so much, and of course you do not have to review, I do this often, I like to read a piece, and I like to give my opinion, not always things to fix
. Thanks So much for reading! 
I think this poem has a strong idea behind it and it is a good read but I find the flow is off, which takes away from that. There are certain lines that stick out like a sore thumb; some of them are too long, others don't quite gel. A variation in lines is of course a great thing, but has to be done with a bit of finesse. For example, '2 + 2 = 5? I guess' doesn't quite fit.
I did like the general idea of this poem however and the way the narrator comes across is both fun and serious, which is a nice mix; it drives me crazy when poetry gets preachy! You get your point across without being preachy however. Good job.
I like some of the comparisons you have between childhood and adulthood, like how the narrator's boo-boos are now too big to be kissed away by mommy. I'm sure we've all felt, at times, like we want to go back to childhood when everything could be solved by running into mommy's arms.
"How naive I was makes me chuckle to this day
When picking what color to paint my nails was a hard decision,"
You need punctuation between here my friend! A semicolon perhaps, or a period, at the end of the first line. Otherwise there's no pause, and it just reads kind of jilted.
This was a good read and I appreciated it. The description is awesome and your comparisons are well chosen. So good job! I'd love to read more from you!
-Cairo
Thanks so much for reading!
Wow it's amazing, I can literally picture everything you have said. The transition from childhood to the cold realities of facing the real world. And I do agree to enjoy the time we have as Children and also teens, life goes by super fast and when we know it we are out on our own paying bills, going to work and if we are fortunate enough maybe in college doinf the very best we can to make a name for ourselves. I love the poem
Hello Chrissy, steampowered here for a review! I often struggle to express myself in poetry reviews so this is going to be really short, but here goes.
Ew, I can totally agree with the sentiments in this poem. Having gone back to school myself I’m now uncomfortably aware that I’m in my last year, and that next month I’m going to have to choose (oh horrors of horrors) which universities I’d like to go to and what I want to study there. Growing up sucks, but when you’re a little kid you just think it’s cool and you spend all your time wishing you were an adult.
I feel like the last line in this doesn’t quite gel with the other bits, but that’s just my opinion. Maybe consider splitting up the stanzas?
I’m actually going to disagree with the previous reviewer and say that your use of the slang word “bogged” is fine. Actually, it made me smile. It’s exactly the sort of phrase I myself would come out with.
I’m not sure if I like the repetition of “kisses”. Maybe try another word here? Just a suggestion though.
I was confused by this. Do you mean “her index finger wiping my tears”? I feel like you could probably insert the word “finger” in there for clarity without really messing up the rhythm of the poem, but that’s just me.
Other than those little things, I’m afraid I don’t have much else to say about the poem. I did enjoy reading it though.
I can agree about the index, and the stanzas were separated when I wrote it, but when I published it, they all got grouped together! "2 2 = 5" was the start to another stanza! Thanks so much for reviewing!
Hello!
Stegosaurus here for a review!
This sums up life as I would say- and could possibly relate to most people who read this poem. I liked the beginning as it continues on with the narrator's life through their first day up and the messages that are at the end. I enjoyed this poem but like every good thing, there are some things that should be cleared up. However, these are just little nitpicks I see and you don't have to take these!
For this stanza, I feel like 'bogged' (
Should it be boggled?isn't the correct word you should use. Maybe try 'staggered' or 'baffle' as your mind is making a decision also it doesn't seem to be the correct word placement to be used there.Also I would make 'right or wrong' its own stanza (or you could leave it the way it is)!
There are some stanza in this poem that I feel should be edited or just looked over. For example: I think you meant to say 'index finger' instead of just 'index' but that is a simple mistake and can be fixed!
Overall, I liked this poem. It has a strong message throughout it as you grow up, you sometimes wish to go back to whatever age.
If you like me to explain something better, let me know! Also keep writing!
Steggy
Thanks so much for reading and commenting! I really appreciate it!