Wind
It has swept across the world,
flattening helpless blades
of grass,
pushing the monstrous clouds of storm,
which release torrents
that destroy civilizations.
It goes on
and on,
stripping individuals of their
presumed dignity, powering the mills,
blowing sand into the eyes
of the innocent. Slithering, shooting,
twisting and moaning,
it rockets along,
reaches,
blowing into my face,
and
I
rejoice.
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Yay for Roreo! Well done, mah buddy. I really liked it, and I agree that the whole rejoicing thing was a bit odd when the rest of the poem is talking about how...windy it is. I can't think of the word I want right now. I think it would be a great line if your poem was a bit more cheery, but not for this one. Maybe you could make a 'Wind II' that has a happier tone? Just a thought.
Good job!
Nutty
It flowed pretty well, if you didn't mean for it to then ignore the last comment, simple, sweet, and most of powerful, when it's read the right way it can tear through someone, beautiful!!!
Overall it was a nice poem to read and you should be proud of it. The positives of the poem is that you seem to know exactly what you wanted to write a poem about and you did. I just got that feeling from reading it that you delivered the meaning/purpose of the poem as you wanted. Sorry if you don't get what I'm explaining (hard to put into words), but it's a good thing. However, you may have stretched the power of wind a bit with phrases such as "stripping individuals of their presumed dignity." If you have something to further explain this phrase, I would include it personally.
I think the major negative of the poem would have to be the flow. Something seemed a bit "off" for me, but that may just be me to be honest. I think it was the high range of line length and the punctuation. I think it would really help this poem if you redid the punctuation. There are a lot of commas which force the reader to pause and lose their train of thought as you do it a lot. I recommend reading this: topic39518.html on the subject.
My one last suggestion is to write a new poem similar to this but with more of an identity. I would either write a more simple/smaller poem with less examples of the power of wind, and just describe the power of wind with adjectives and metaphors. Or make a longer poem several stanzas 9each stanza describing a different part of what makes wind so powerful) and use examples accordingly.
Overall it was nice read as I said, and I think you should work on making the poem flow a bit better (less choppy as someone said). You can do this by adjusting the punctuation and making minor word changes.
PS: It is 3 in the morning as I am writing this and I am off to bed, so if you didn't understand a word I just said. Don't worry about it. And as always, take reviews with a grain of salt. It's your poem, do whatever you want with it.
i like the poem. Very nice
Nice poem, not bad! I like the idea of it, and your spelling and grammar looks good. But I will mention that your poem's layout is kind of awkward, I think I would enjoy reading it more if it were not so broken up.
Good job for your first post, and welcome to the Young Writer's Society!
Hi its IR here. Its a pleasure to review your first poem!!! Poetry it really awesome by the way.
The words themselves are brilliant. But some things to touch up are they lines themselves. They're are some awkward brake ups like:
Maybe like
stripping individuals
of their presumed indignity
it sounds better and feels less choppy.
This idea of an ending is a great one. But "rejoice" just doesn't seem like the right words to use. Think of a different word that flows more with the rest of the poem.
All around your style is great. Keep writing poems!
Hey, First poem I've read on this site and I like it!
i always like poems that depict everyday things as something different
I especially like how you showed the blades of grass, often crushed underfoot, as some kind of civilian.
Keep Writing!
-GreenGiraffe
Your poem is very cool!
instead of giving your poem the title " my first post", why don't you change it to "Wind" instead? before starting the poem, you can write that this is your first post. A good title always attracts readers...
I found your poem very neatly written - the language was simple, it did not go off the track; you did not lose your focus, the font is perfect.
You have very well described ' The Wind'.
I just have one questions- Why do you rejoice when the merciless wind blows into your face?
the only line which i found absurd in the poem was "It has swept across the world,"
How can wind sweep across the world?
You are a good writer. welcome to Young Writers Society!
If you write more poems or stories, then do inform me. i would love to read more of your writings!