z

Young Writers Society



Luscious Goldmine

by Razcoon


(NOTE--Truth or dare. It's evil.)
-------------------------------------------
A nose so golden
Crusty against my fingers
Only JabberHut's

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
745 Reviews

Points: 1626
Reviews: 745

Donate
Mon Aug 06, 2012 1:35 am
View Likes
Lumi wrote a review...



Yo, Raz.

I think you have a promising start here, but you don't really delve into the golden, crusty meat of the imagery like I know you could. Now, I'm sure what you have here is enough: flattery, description, even a reference to a famous person! But I feel like there's something missing. I want to feel the gooey mucus. I want to feel the crust crumbling between my fingers.

As far as a haiku goes, I'll give this a B. And that does stand for booger.

-Lumesters




User avatar
202 Reviews

Points: 10840
Reviews: 202

Donate
Mon Aug 06, 2012 1:27 am
View Likes
Blues says...



XDDDDD





akdsjfh you know that feeling where you start writing a scene but then you get bored with the scene so you move on and start writing a different scene and then you get bored with that scene so you move on to an entirely different WIP and then you get bored with that so you move on-
— AceassinOfTheMoon