Dollhouse [Ch. 2]

Hi Raz. This part of the story was not as much nice as the last one was. This seemed so much confusing and hurried but it can just be for me. The voices in her head and the conversation with Tasha was the most disastrous thing, I must say. I know what you intend to say but I'm not comfortable with the format you use. Other than that, you have done a PH.d in describing- the emotions, the people and the environment.

I follow Tasha out the door and into the light, blinking a few times. The white walls remind me of the strange place I first woke up in, and I unconsciously make a soft sound like a whimper in the back of my throat. "Relax," Tasha tells me. "We all were there, and yes it's scary, but you have people to relate to, so don't worry. I was like you when I first came, which wasn't very long ago. Actually I was probably worse off, but now I'm fine." My eyebrows pull together and I frown. She was worse off? How?

She leads me down the long hallway lined with doors on eitherboth the side of me. Tasha glances over her shoulder and notices me looking. "Most of them are empty," she explains, "only about fifteen of them are taken. We have sixteen people, though. You see, Kaleb...doesn't live with the rest of us. He's the only person who didn't bring anything with him. Strangely enough, he's also the only person to remember his real name." Tasha falls silent and doesn't say anything else as we walk through the halls.

The clacking sound of her shoes hitting the floor stops, and I almost run(even bump can be tried) into her. Putting one hand up, the universal sign of “hang on”, she frowns and steps back.
"Oh, shit," mutters Tasha.

I want to ask what's wrong, but suddenly my mouth is too dry to talk. My body becomes harder and harder to move, and all at once I just can't move. Every bit of moisture in my skin has evaporated, and I feel like I can crack open at any second. I'm so scared, and I hate it. I hate how I've felt so terrified every waking moment I can remember. My god, this is extremely uncomfortable...

Tell me about it! I suggest you to put the green line in quotes so that we can know that this is a dialogue.Comes a voice from my head, and it sounds suspiciously like Tasha's. Am I going crazy? Laughter bounces around the space of my mind.

No, don't worry; we can all do this. It just means a human is near. I'm Rose, by the way.

This voice is unfamiliar. Wait...a human? Aren't we humans?

Right now we're not, I hear Rose say at the same time as Tasha says, actually… and someone else says Not Tasha, she was a bitch, followed by a chorus of laughter and, She still is! Sorry Tasha you know I love you.
This whole paragraph was very informal. Try to put this out in a better way.

I was not a bitch! Tasha practically screams and it hurts my head. I was purebred papillon, she mutters. More laughter follows that comment. Seriously? Tasha was a dog? Yes, seriously! She snaps.

I laugh in my head, and I'm glad I'm getting hang of this, glad for something to laugh about. What’s so funny?

Nothing, Tasha, absolutely nothing! Certainly not the fact that you were a dog in a previous life…

Noises and loud shuffling interrupt my train of thought, and I feel panic from everyone, including myself. The wood, only an inch away from my feet splits, and I can see each floor above and below it. Unable to move my eyes, I make do with what’s in front of me. What I see are giant skinny jeans and a monstrous manicured hand reaching out towards me. The hand picks me up gently, and adjusts me so my face is parallel to her’s.

“It’s just a doll,” the girl mutters, tossing me to her other hand and back. Helpless and scared for my life, I silently beg her to please, please not drop me.

“It could be haunted…you never know…,” a male voice says creepily from behind me. The girl laughs, but it’s shaky. She’s not fooling anyone.

“Whatever, let’s just ditch this place. I’m really getting scared, Kev,” she says, pleading with her eyes. I’m set down in the house again, much to my relief, and she pushes it Pushes what together? back together.

“You don’t have to worry, baby, as long as I’m around,” he murmurs. Ew…I don’t like the sound of that. Thank god I hear them leaving.

After a few moments, feeling tingles back into my body, and my legs feel like rubber, causing my knees to buckle, I try to stand, but I fall again, and again. Tasha walks up to me, arms crossed. “Serves you right,” she growls, “Considering you laughed without considering how hard it was to get used to this body? See, this is your karma.”

“You said considering twice,” I tell her, and she almost smiles. She catches herself and puts the frown back in place.

“Whatever. Now you know we’re part doll, which leaves me a heck of a lot less explaining to do. Just don’t ask me why, okay?” I don’t have time to agree, because we hear screaming and shattering below us. “What the...?” Tasha actually sounds panicky, “Come on, Nex,” she says quickly, motioning for me to follow, “because you’re about to learn your second lesson firsthand.” Tasha sounds strangely troubled. Instead of asking, I scramble up and follow her swiftly down the hall and some stairs.

It's me again.
You know the drill.

I follow Tasha out the door and into the light, blinking a few times. The white walls remind me of the strange place I first woke up in, and I unconsciously make a soft sound like a whimper in the back of my throat. "Relax," Tasha tells me. "We were all This makes it easier to read! there, and yes it's scary, but you have people to relate to, so don't worry. I was like you when I first came, which wasn't very long ago. Actually I was probably worse off, but now I'm fine." My eyebrows pull together and I frown. She was worse off? How?

She leads me down the long hallway lined with doors on either side of me. Tasha glances over her shoulder and notices me looking. "Most of them are empty," she explains, "only about fifteen of them are taken. We have sixteen people, though. You see, Kaleb...doesn't live with the rest of us. He's the only person who didn't bring anything with him. Strangely enough, he's also the only person to remember his real name." Oooo... weird... Tasha falls silent and doesn't say anything else as we walk through the halls.

The clacking sound of her shoes hitting the floor stops, and I almost run into her. Putting one hand up, the universal sign of “hang on”, she frowns and steps back.
"Oh, shit," mutters Tasha.

I want to ask what's wrong, but suddenly my mouth is too dry to talk. My body becomes harder and harder to move, and all at once, I just can't. Every bit of moisture in my skin has evaporated, and I feel like I can crack open at any second. I'm so scared, and I hate it. I hate how I've felt so terrified every waking moment I can remember. My god, this is extremely uncomfortable...

Tell me about it! Comes a voice from my head, and it sounds suspiciously like Tasha. Am I going crazy? Laughter bounces around the space of my mind.

No, don't worry; we can all do this. It just means a human is near. I'm Rose, by the way.

This voice is unfamiliar. Wait...a human? Aren't we humans?

Right now we're not, I hear Rose say at the same time as Tasha says, Actually… and someone else says Not Tasha, she was a bitch, followed by a chorus of laughter and, She still is! Sorry Tasha you know I love you. This was probably just me, but I found this kind of confusing. Try rephrasing it, maybe?

I was not a bitch! Tasha practically screams and it hurts my head. I was purebred papillon, she mutters. More laughter follows that comment. Seriously? Tasha was a dog? Yes, seriously! She snaps.

I laugh in my head, and I'm glad I'm getting hang of this, glad for something to laugh about. What’s so funny?

Nothing, Don't really need this. Tasha, absolutely nothing! Certainly not the fact that you were a dog in a previous life…

Noises and loud shuffling interrupt my train of thought, Don't really need this comma either. and I feel panic from everyone, including myself. The wood only an inch away from my feet splits, and I can see each floor above and below it. Unable to move my eyes, I make do with what’s in front of me. What I see are giant skinny jeans and a monstrous manicured hand reaching out towards me. The hand picks me up gently, and adjusts me so my face is parallel to her’s.

“It’s just a doll,” the girl mutters, tossing me to her other hand and back. Helpless and scared for my life, I silently beg her to please, please not drop me.

“It could be haunted…you never know…,” a male voice says creepily from behind me. The girl laughs, but it’s shaky. She’s not fooling anyone.

“Whatever let’s just ditch this place. I’m really getting scared, Kev,” she says, pleading with her eyes. I’m set down in the house again, much to my relief, and she pushes it back together.

“You don’t have to worry, baby, as long as I’m around,” he murmurs. Ew…I don’t like the sound of that. Thank god I hear them leaving.

After a few moments, feeling tingles back into my body, and my legs feel like rubber, causing my knees to buckle. I try to stand, but I fall again, and again. Tasha walks up to me, arms crossed. “Serves you right,” she growls, “Considering you laughed without considering how hard it was to get used to this body? See, this is your karma.”

“You said considering twice,” I tell her, and she almost smiles. She catches herself and puts the frown back in place.

“Whatever. Now you know we’re part doll, which leaves me a heck of a lot less explaining to do. Just don’t ask me why, okay?” I don’t have time to agree, because we hear screaming and shattering below us. “What the...?” Tasha actually sounds panicky, “Come on, Nex,” she says quickly, motioning for me to follow, “because you’re about to learn your second lesson firsthand.” Tasha sounds strangely troubled. Instead of asking, I scramble up and follow her swiftly down the hall and some stairs. Good ending.

crescent wrote:I can't wait for the next chapter Razzi!!! Thank you for not killing people... yet.

It just keeps getting better!!! I can't wait for the next chapter Razzi!!! Thank you for not killing people... yet. Lol. You put the title and the story together nicely like ultraviolet mentioned.

PM me too when you post the next chapter!!!

Love,
Cressy

This looks really good! I was wondering how you were going to do the whole doll thing, but this works out pretty perfectly. My only thing is it was kind of hard to follow when they mentally speak to one another. Maybe you could make more paragraphs or something.

Oh, and please PM me again when the next chapter is done. I can't wait to see how it turns out!

LOVE --ULTRAVIOLET