Why I Hate Pessimism

Had you not said so, I never would have guessed that this was someone's first attempt at writing poetry. It was simply beautiful! I, personally, had no problem with the description you provided at the beginning, but I will agree that it is fun to prod uncertainly at the meaning of the author. Please continue writing, as you're marvelous already!

This is good for a first poem - my first poem was when I was like eleven, and, well...all my first poems sucked, by my standards now. (Note to self: Never go back and read your old poetry! >.<) I say there's no problem explaining to us what this is about, if you want us to know - obviously in a book of poetry you wouldn't write an explanation above the poem, but it can help for your critics to have an explanation. Often when people read my poetry, they're like, "I loved it, but what the heck was it about?"

Also, I say: There's no problem using "juvenile" words in your poetry, if "juvenile" is simply meant to imply "short" or "in common use." I mean, okay, if you're writing serious poetry and using words like "potty" and "tummy" etc, I can see where that would be a problem, but short or commonly used words should be fine - it's the use of the words that matters. Although, as the above review said, you didn't have a problem with this anyways... I'm just saying.

~Blue

P.S. Thanks for the follow!

I have a strong dislike for pesssism too!!!. My first poem I posted ( the only thing I have posted!) I got busted for use of juvinille and simple words. Absolutley no one can bust you for that! In some places the words were choppy but that's only expected with a poem subject like this! I think you should definitly try again with a different subject. Good work!

I loved it. I agree, pessimism isn't good. It makes things seem like they'll never be happy again.

This poem embodied that.

Good job.

Hi,

Congratulations on your first poem! I hope you keep writing poetry. The first line really drew me in and I love the sound of the first stanza.

I'd change "heart", but this is partly a personal thing about references to the heart annoying me. Is there any more concrete way you could suggest the speaker's dejection? Instead of saying;
"I want to share the pain
In a way that's quite immoral"
can you give an example of how the speaker would do this?

I really enjoyed the last stanza, it flowed really nicely and you made your point very well.

The best thing you can do for your poetry is read poetry.

I hope to read more of you.

Hope this helps,

Jas

Hey there
I have no problem with posting little explanations of the poem. There is no rule against it. But next time don't do it because I think it's fun figuring out the mind of the poet first
Anyways your poem lacks punctuations, maybe you can take a look at that. Or maybe you wanted it that way as a poetic gesture.
I liked this actually, a lot. I liked how you used various body parts in the poem, creative! And for a first attempt at poetry this is quite impressive.

It comes to the conclusion
That feelings like betrayal
Are only an intrusion
To those with false emotion

This is as good as all the other poetry I've read. I have a sheer, almost irrational hate against poetry so that's not saying a lot. It's impossible to follow, if you hadn't explained what it was about, I would have no clue what you were saying. Try to avoid telling people what it's about in advance.